Scenes From A Chinese Restaurant
Scene: 4yr old standing on his chair waving around a craw fish he has speared with his chopstick
4 yr old (yelling,just before flinging it off his chopstick and across the table):
I do NOT eat disgusting things. And this is definitely a disgusting thing.
********************
Scene: 1 yr old splashing in melted ice cream dish with her spoon
Rob: oh, don't do that! It is so messy.
takes spoon away from toddler, screaming ensues
Rob: Pretend you are a kitty. Show Daddy how the kitty drinks.
1 yr old dunks entire face into the bowl of icecream.
Rob: Oh good job! Hurray for the little kitty.
Me: Are you insane?
*************************************************
4yr old (again standing on the chair, yelling):
Why does everyone have a dick?!? Dick! Dick! I want a dick! I want two dicks!
Me: They are sticks, sssssssssticks. Chop ssssticks. Try to say the "s" at the beginning. Chop-stick chop-stick...
4 yr old: I want a chapped dick!
Me: Oh good, that was much better.
4 yr old (yelling,just before flinging it off his chopstick and across the table):
I do NOT eat disgusting things. And this is definitely a disgusting thing.
********************
Scene: 1 yr old splashing in melted ice cream dish with her spoon
Rob: oh, don't do that! It is so messy.
takes spoon away from toddler, screaming ensues
Rob: Pretend you are a kitty. Show Daddy how the kitty drinks.
1 yr old dunks entire face into the bowl of icecream.
Rob: Oh good job! Hurray for the little kitty.
Me: Are you insane?
*************************************************
4yr old (again standing on the chair, yelling):
Why does everyone have a dick?!? Dick! Dick! I want a dick! I want two dicks!
Me: They are sticks, sssssssssticks. Chop ssssticks. Try to say the "s" at the beginning. Chop-stick chop-stick...
4 yr old: I want a chapped dick!
Me: Oh good, that was much better.
14 Comments:
Hi Chris
I can always rely on you for a laugh. I was howling over this blog today. Sort of reminds me of the time I took my two youngest twins to the Christmas carol concert......They didn't go again.
Ruth ( Home schooler of 7 kids in the UK. Also with a house perpetually under renovation lol)
If I had been there, I would have taken my two children and gotten the heck out! How obnoxious - my kids would never behave like that!
APRIL FOOL! Ha, we never go out to eat hardly - and I only have two! They are kids alright and how you share about them is treasured by me!
HUGS!
Oh, Oh! I've got one:
Jonathan, 3 years old, Mexican restaurant, at the top of his lungs, naturally: Aaaugh! My burrito is full of dog poop!
Hilarious, and i can so relate!!
We rarely go out to dinner now. Just too much chaos.
Hysterical! Reminds me a bit of my last post. In our case, 'Dick' was a potato that had been named. I just thank GOD we were in our own home and no one else had to experience the conversation.
One of the funniest blogs I have yet read.
Anonymous, that was a good one! For a minute I was wondering why someone was being so mean! LOL
I am seriously laughing too hard to type what I am thinking. I would ask my husband to type it but he is on the floor laughing too!
Oh my, I'm going to pee my pants I'm laughing so hard!!!
Thank you so much for writing this, it's fab :)
LOL- reminds me of the time my godson came into the house, tears streaming down his face, because "Frankie (best friend) stole my dick! Mine was bigger than his, so he stole it!" Man, I was laughing so hard...
Dear Chris,
You have NO idea how much I needed a laugh tonight....thank you!
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