Oh Look, It's Complimentary!

I don't even know where to begin with my dentist appointment.

Should I start by describing the waiting room with it's plush carpeting, fresh fruit basket, snacks and bottled water They are complimentary, help yourself. (Note they don't say free).

Or the lovely x-ray technician and dental assistants who wear those headphones like they do at Old Navy so there is no shouting. Though it is a bit disconcerting and gives the impression that everyone is talking softly to themselves.

Or that my root canal didn't hurt one tiny little bit.

Or the massage chairs.

Or the private televisions in every room.

Or how utterly depressed I was to find out that one tooth might need to be extracted since it cracked below the gum line. Somehow that makes me feel like I am just one step above living in a homeless shelter.

Oh, but what is that to distract me and take the edge off my pain...

the lovely etched glass walls that serve as dividers for the maze of offices and exam rooms. Ooooooh Aaaaaaaaah.

Or the incredible crown molding and wallpapered ceilings.

Or the fact that they call it a dental spa, instead of a dental office. If they offered manicures and got rid of the annoying drill and bib held on with metal clips, it would be a fabulous day spa. The steaming hot cloth they gave me to freshen up with after my appointment was nice too.

What about the supervised playroom(!!!) The dentist made a point to come and tell me that all my children were welcome and she would make sure to have two staff girls in the room if it was necessary.

How about that I am in love with my new dentist, in a totally non-sexual, not creepy sort of way.

Or that I was approved for a credit line greater than the price of my first car, and it probably still won't be enough.

But I am ignoring that for now. Oh what is that? A muzak version of Paul McCartney (with subliminal messages) Sing along with me. All you need is love (and shiny white teeth), love is all you need (finance available), love is all you need (1 yr interest free).

Or the fact that I am going to have to sell my body on the street corner to afford all the dental care I need from this office. At least all my new perfect teeth should attract a higher paying clientele.