Don't You Wish You Were Married To Me
We could have conversations like this all the time.
Chris: Have you noticed the price of coffee lately?
Rob: Well, what are you going to do? It's one of those things that they can charge as much as they want for and you are still going to buy it.
Chris:Like gasoline
Rob:or electricity
Chris: or heating oil
Rob: yes, you have proven that one
Chris: Silly me wanting to be warm. I have been heating my house with abandon.
Rob: I don't think sweaters are overpriced.
Chris: but they will be if people turn down their heat and start buying more of them.
Rob: So you are doing your part to keep sweater prices down.
Chris: Exactly. I'm all about thinking of others.
Rob: But it's not like you need coffee. Plenty of people survive, even thrive, without coffee.
Chris: How dare you blaspheme the nectar of the gods.
Rob: I thought that was Nyquil?
Chris: Can't there be more than one nectar?
Rob: You could do without it.
Chris: I shudder at the thought.
Rob:Like the Mormons
Chris: I could never be a Mormon.
Rob: Because of the coffee?"
Chris: Hmmmm. I'd have to say yes. That would be the defining reason why I could never be Mormon.
Chris: All things are negotiable except my coffee intake.
Chris: Well, I wouldn't want to be a part of a religion that sacrifices things either.
Rob: Maybe a religion where you are required to drink coffee.
Chris: And if you didn't drink your allotted amount we'd excommunicate you.
Rob: or toss you to the lions
Chris: Oooooh. good one. Maybe I'll rethink the human sacrifice thing.
Chris: We could be the Church of Later Day Romans.
Chris: Do you think that there are less Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts in Salt lake City?"
Rob: That's an interesting thought.
Chris: Yes I thought so, that's why I thought it.
Rob: You think pretty highly of yourself, huh?
Chris: I think I suffer from delusions of grandeur. Honestly, I fantasize that if I were on a plane and the pilot took suddenly ill, I could land the plane.
Rob: You can barely drive a car.
Chris: I mean how difficult could it be?
Rob: I'm thinking rather difficult for someone who has never even been in a cockpit.
Chris: I didn't say I was rational. That's the thing with being delusional.
Chris: But things like that never happen to me.
Rob: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Chris: Or if I were trapped in an elevator with someone who began choking I could perform an emergency tracheotomy using things in my diaper bag.
Rob: I'd hope you would try the Heimlich maneuver first.
Chris: Maybe.
Rob: You frighten me sometimes.
Chris: I'd be like MacGyver Mommy.
Chris: Are you frightened by all my potential?
Rob: No, I am frightened that you spend time thinking about these things. Truly.
Chris: I also think if I were on Survivor I'd win.
Rob: That's funny.
Chris: Despite the fact that I am not athletic and refuse to eat gross things. I think I would win.
Rob: Now that's delusional.
Chris: Of course in my fantasy I am younger, tan, and look really good in a bikini.
Rob: Of course.
Chris: I'm funny. They'd keep me around.
Rob: Until the first time they had to carry your sorry ass through one of those challenges.
Chris: Literally. Good thing my ass is small in my fantasy.
Rob:Why don't you just fantasize you are athletic too?
Chris: Well, I have to keep some element of reality. I mean the gorgeous in a bikini thing isn't that much of a stretch of reality.
Chris: You don't know what to say.
Rob: I'm damned either way.
Chris: Just say you'd want to be trapped on a desert island with me.
Rob: I would.
Rob:Unless your athletic ability would a determining factor in my winning a million dollars.
Rob: or you had to take over flying a plane I was on
Chris: Wow, I am hurt.
Rob: Sorry, in my fantasy there would be another licensed pilot aboard.
Chris: What if the coffee is cold?
Chris: or in the form of icecream?
Rob: I have no idea.
Chris: What if it is only coffee flavored?
Rob: Let it go.
Chris: You know I can't.
Chris: Rob?
Rob: The length of this conversation has far exceeded my interest in it.
Chris: you say it, but you don't mean it.
Rob: No, I do.
Chris: Remember that when you are choking one day and I have to save you.
Rob: I beg you, just let me die.
Chris: before or after I cut your neck open with my nail clippers and jam an empty pen case into your throat.
On second thought maybe I do need to rethink the coffee habit.
Chris: Have you noticed the price of coffee lately?
Rob: Well, what are you going to do? It's one of those things that they can charge as much as they want for and you are still going to buy it.
Chris:Like gasoline
Rob:or electricity
Chris: or heating oil
Rob: yes, you have proven that one
Chris: Silly me wanting to be warm. I have been heating my house with abandon.
Rob: I don't think sweaters are overpriced.
Chris: but they will be if people turn down their heat and start buying more of them.
Rob: So you are doing your part to keep sweater prices down.
Chris: Exactly. I'm all about thinking of others.
Rob: But it's not like you need coffee. Plenty of people survive, even thrive, without coffee.
Chris: How dare you blaspheme the nectar of the gods.
Rob: I thought that was Nyquil?
Chris: Can't there be more than one nectar?
Rob: You could do without it.
Chris: I shudder at the thought.
Rob:Like the Mormons
Chris: I could never be a Mormon.
Rob: Because of the coffee?"
Chris: Hmmmm. I'd have to say yes. That would be the defining reason why I could never be Mormon.
Chris: All things are negotiable except my coffee intake.
Chris: Well, I wouldn't want to be a part of a religion that sacrifices things either.
Rob: Maybe a religion where you are required to drink coffee.
Chris: And if you didn't drink your allotted amount we'd excommunicate you.
Rob: or toss you to the lions
Chris: Oooooh. good one. Maybe I'll rethink the human sacrifice thing.
Chris: We could be the Church of Later Day Romans.
Chris: Do you think that there are less Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts in Salt lake City?"
Rob: That's an interesting thought.
Chris: Yes I thought so, that's why I thought it.
Rob: You think pretty highly of yourself, huh?
Chris: I think I suffer from delusions of grandeur. Honestly, I fantasize that if I were on a plane and the pilot took suddenly ill, I could land the plane.
Rob: You can barely drive a car.
Chris: I mean how difficult could it be?
Rob: I'm thinking rather difficult for someone who has never even been in a cockpit.
Chris: I didn't say I was rational. That's the thing with being delusional.
Chris: But things like that never happen to me.
Rob: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Chris: Or if I were trapped in an elevator with someone who began choking I could perform an emergency tracheotomy using things in my diaper bag.
Rob: I'd hope you would try the Heimlich maneuver first.
Chris: Maybe.
Rob: You frighten me sometimes.
Chris: I'd be like MacGyver Mommy.
Chris: Are you frightened by all my potential?
Rob: No, I am frightened that you spend time thinking about these things. Truly.
Chris: I also think if I were on Survivor I'd win.
Rob: That's funny.
Chris: Despite the fact that I am not athletic and refuse to eat gross things. I think I would win.
Rob: Now that's delusional.
Chris: Of course in my fantasy I am younger, tan, and look really good in a bikini.
Rob: Of course.
Chris: I'm funny. They'd keep me around.
Rob: Until the first time they had to carry your sorry ass through one of those challenges.
Chris: Literally. Good thing my ass is small in my fantasy.
Rob:Why don't you just fantasize you are athletic too?
Chris: Well, I have to keep some element of reality. I mean the gorgeous in a bikini thing isn't that much of a stretch of reality.
Chris: You don't know what to say.
Rob: I'm damned either way.
Chris: Just say you'd want to be trapped on a desert island with me.
Rob: I would.
Rob:Unless your athletic ability would a determining factor in my winning a million dollars.
Rob: or you had to take over flying a plane I was on
Chris: Wow, I am hurt.
Rob: Sorry, in my fantasy there would be another licensed pilot aboard.
Chris: What if the coffee is cold?
Chris: or in the form of icecream?
Rob: I have no idea.
Chris: What if it is only coffee flavored?
Rob: Let it go.
Chris: You know I can't.
Chris: Rob?
Rob: The length of this conversation has far exceeded my interest in it.
Chris: you say it, but you don't mean it.
Rob: No, I do.
Chris: Remember that when you are choking one day and I have to save you.
Rob: I beg you, just let me die.
Chris: before or after I cut your neck open with my nail clippers and jam an empty pen case into your throat.
On second thought maybe I do need to rethink the coffee habit.
7 Comments:
Bwah!! You think like I do -- if I'm stuck on a long line somewhere, for example, I daydream about what emergencies might come up which I'd be equipped to fix. I'm not sure about landing a plane, though.
BTW my first husband was being actively recruited by Mormons (he'd moved into a neighborhood chockfull of them -- sitting duck!) and almost took the plunge, until I asked him whether he really was ready to live without coffee. The look on his face was priceless.
Since I'm a Latter-Day Saint and have my BA in Classics, ("major in what you love, you'll find a job"-NOT) a Latter Day Roman church sounds great to me. I would make a bad member, though. I've never once drunk an entire cup of coffee and it sounds like that is a pre-requisite. Love your blog.
Seriously, Chris, I heart you. This dialogue is the reason 10, 15, 20 years from now, you and Rob will still be happily married :-) Love your obit a couple of posts back as well.
i'm sending this to my husband. This is totally how I think too.
And now I'm drawing blood in my tongue and my cheeks hurt from trying not to laugh hysterically in front of the class I'm teaching.
Thank you. I heart you!
A woman after my own heart!......I fell off my chair reading this one:)
Go give them hell.
Chris,
And I thought only myself and my ape husband had these conversations!! My biggest problem on a deserted island would be the lack of ice...I ONLY drink iced coffee...the habit started in my New England youth as it's common there, and I found after having kids that I never got to drink my whole cup of coffee before it got cold, so I just drink it iced all the time. BTW, if you can ever find it (we buy it at a little coffee khiosk at the mall called the "Coffee Grinder"), our favorite all time coffee is called "Old Government Java"...you won't be disappointed! LOVE your blog!
Yours By Design Heating and Cooling is a full service Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning (HVAC) contractor based in Blaine, MN
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