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Thursday, March 10, 2005

Have A Heart, Trap That Is

How is your day going? That's nice. How's mine you ask?

Well, today I was going into my mudroom from my kitchen when out of the corner of my eye I saw something scurry near some pipes that lead to the basement. I screamed, because I whole heartedly embrace the rodent fearing female stereotype, and ran out of the room.

But, after thinking about it more thoroughly, I convinced myself that I saw nothing but a shadow or a dust bunny... a dust MOUSE! Yes, that's it! An innocuous DUST MOUSE!

A few hours later, my 7 yr old walked into the mudroom and screamed. My 10 yr old, who has probably inherited all my worst qualities, pushed everyone down that was in his way and ran over everyone else to get as far away as he possibly could. My 9 yr old, the only brave one in the family, quickly ran into the mudroom.

Then he began screaming "Get me a gun!"

Oh yeah, that's a good idea! A 9 yr old with a gun. A 9 yr old with ADHD and poor judgment, shooting a gun in the house, surrounded by other people. I am not sure which disturbs me more, the fact that he thinks I might actually give him a gun or the fact that it was his first thought upon seeing the mouse.

But I pushed those thoughts out of my la la. I have a more important pressing issue at hand than delving into my son's possible mental instability.

I tell him that I regret to inform him that we have no gun, and furthermore people don't shoot mice.

"But Mom, it isn't a mouse. It's bigger, much, MUCH bigger."

What? What did they mean by bigger?

I had the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. But I was sitting on my kitchen stool with my legs safely tucked up under me, so I didn't get up to look. Because, you know, it might just run up my legs and gnaw at my kneecaps.

At this point 9 yr old is inside the kitchen and the 7 yr old is still in the mudroom and a fight breaks out over the door that separates the two rooms. The 10 yr old is screaming close the door. The 9 yr old is trying to close the door, like the obedient underling that he is. The 7 yr old is trying to get in the house away from the much MUCH bigger mouse that he says is looking at him.

Finally I scream over the hysterical children. "For the love of God, if it is as big as you say it is, let your brother in the house before that mouse eats him!"

Okay, that was so NOT the right thing to say. Trust me on that one.

So now the kids are trying to explain to me what the thing is. We have established it isn't a mouse or squirrel.

I googled mole, nope.

I googled gopher, nope.

I googled weasel, nope.

I will not google rat. I refuse.

Because if my children look at the picture and identify it as what they saw, I'll have no choice but to move out.

And burn the house to the ground.

And that would totally suck.


Anonymous lib said...

It's probably a groundhog - yeah, that's it! Wanting to let you know spring IS really coming!
OMG, I hope against every hope that it is not a rat. I am with you on being very fearful of such creatures!

Gads- you are FUNNY!

8:57 PM  
Blogger Mandi said...

Ok, I totally feel your pain and I hope it's not a rat cause ::shiver:: that's just ::shiver:: freaking gross! We have had 2 of them here and I didn't react well, let me tell you!

But you are HILARIOUS!! I laughed and laughed through the whole post. LOL 'Give me a gun' OMG!! LOLOLOL

8:59 PM  
Blogger Earth Girl said...

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time - Get me a gun! - the brave hero boy. Could you smell the testosterone? I've given up trying to figure out how my boys think or even where they get some of their ideas.

10:50 PM  

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