Things I Learned This Past Week
1) There is no such thing as toddler proof.
2) Toddlers, potatoes, and a sharp knife are not a good combination.
3) We will now be eating mushy foods or grabbing hunks of meat with our hands and tearing pieces off with our teeth (see number 1 above)
4) Bandages cause toddlers more angst than a gaping, bleeding flesh wound.
5) Toothpaste adheres to a slate tile bathroom floor more strongly than grout and must be scraped off with razor blades. Not sure what I will do from now on (see number 1 above)
6) The amount of time spent preparing a meal is inversely proportional to the amount of enjoyment the children get out of it.
Boil water in the kettle and pour into Raman noodle cups, loved by children. Any food that a) doesn't come in it's own serving container, or b) requires more than one pan to make it, or c) contains more than two ingredients is not a big hit with children. And if the food meets all the above three criteria, it will be instantly loathed, without even tasting it.
7) Similarly, the amount of parenting advice dispensed by someone is inversely proportional to how qualified they are to give the advice.
Note to woman cashier at the dunkin Donuts drive through, it took you two attempts to give me back the correct change. Two attempts to correctly count out $7. Keep your advice to yourself.
8)Sanding in one room of the house, even if that room is completely sealed off, will result in dust being everywhere in the house.
9) Merely looking at birthday cake can cause weight gain. I know this because the only cake I did eat I ate standing up and that has already been scientifically proven as a method of eating to prevent weight gain. I'm not exactly sure how that particular scientific law works... Something about gravity increasing food motility. It's one of Newton's laws I think.
10) My breasts have super powers. They have the ability to make men cower and run away when they are exposed for what nature has intended them to do. It's amazing really.
11) The steam feature on my iron works. Steam is hot. Attempting to iron your pants while you are wearing them would not be wise.
2) Toddlers, potatoes, and a sharp knife are not a good combination.
3) We will now be eating mushy foods or grabbing hunks of meat with our hands and tearing pieces off with our teeth (see number 1 above)
4) Bandages cause toddlers more angst than a gaping, bleeding flesh wound.
5) Toothpaste adheres to a slate tile bathroom floor more strongly than grout and must be scraped off with razor blades. Not sure what I will do from now on (see number 1 above)
6) The amount of time spent preparing a meal is inversely proportional to the amount of enjoyment the children get out of it.
Boil water in the kettle and pour into Raman noodle cups, loved by children. Any food that a) doesn't come in it's own serving container, or b) requires more than one pan to make it, or c) contains more than two ingredients is not a big hit with children. And if the food meets all the above three criteria, it will be instantly loathed, without even tasting it.
7) Similarly, the amount of parenting advice dispensed by someone is inversely proportional to how qualified they are to give the advice.
Note to woman cashier at the dunkin Donuts drive through, it took you two attempts to give me back the correct change. Two attempts to correctly count out $7. Keep your advice to yourself.
8)Sanding in one room of the house, even if that room is completely sealed off, will result in dust being everywhere in the house.
9) Merely looking at birthday cake can cause weight gain. I know this because the only cake I did eat I ate standing up and that has already been scientifically proven as a method of eating to prevent weight gain. I'm not exactly sure how that particular scientific law works... Something about gravity increasing food motility. It's one of Newton's laws I think.
10) My breasts have super powers. They have the ability to make men cower and run away when they are exposed for what nature has intended them to do. It's amazing really.
11) The steam feature on my iron works. Steam is hot. Attempting to iron your pants while you are wearing them would not be wise.
8 Comments:
Can I just tell you I wish you were my neighbor. I think we'd be great friends. Cup of coffee neighbor?
Oh, I can't stop laughing!
It is as if you are living in my house (minus the ironing oops as I don't even own an iron). LOL
Thanks for a monday morning laugh!
LOL It must have been a weekend for knives. At least your toddler was attempting to eat something healthy; mine was trying to get into a bag of Easter candy that was for his father! He succeeded in gashing open the bag without hurting himself, I don't know how, as it was a huge bread knife!
In the strange-but-true category, Bobby frequently irons his clothes while wearing them.
#10 is so true! I was always amazed at how quickly a man would turn away when he noticed what I was up to!
...AND don't use the Tshirt your wearing as a potholder...
I had been grieving my boys all getting older.. thinking alot about adoption today... thatnk you for reminding me that my hubby doesn't take his choco milk out of a bottle.. and keeps his Froot loops hidden :)
Lea
http://minwifeof4boys.bravejournal.com/
Wow! You had a much more toddler weekend than we did. The only thing we got was temper tantrums out the wazoo! Then, on Monday, we got one - the 3 year old said the first bad word! He never hears those words from my lips, I swear...:)
Life in the Big Yellow House is not too different from our little PA farmhouse....one item missing from your posts was duct tape...my house is held together with it! Thanks for the laughs!!
(And the kids continue to find melodrama at ages 6 & 11 :O) !!)
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