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Saturday, February 26, 2005

Just Call Me A Pincushion

To day I had to get blood drawn. I have been told that I have "bad" veins and have had several not-so-good experiences with phlebotomists and nurses. It's probably a good thing I never aspired to be an IV drug addict, or I'd be a very frustrated drug user due to a lack of good veins to shoot up in. Anyhow, today was no exception.

We went through the initial formality of pulling up both of my sleeves and examining the veins on both arms. She smacked then insides of my arms a bit, presumably to make the veins stand up more, but I really think it is the phlebotomist taking out her aggression, 'Look at these damn veinless arms.' smack smack smack

The right arm was deemed better than the left. She put the tight blue elastic band around my arm and I opened and closed my fist. A few more smacks and she jabbed me with the needle. Nope no blood. Jab some more. Still no blood. The she began moving and jabbing the needle around underneath my skin. I had to tell her that I didn't think I had signed up for liposuction on my arm, because that is what it looked (and felt) like she was doing.

Okay no blood. Time to move on to the left arm. We repeated the above scenario on this arm. I asked if they had some leeches and a glass, because it seemed that might be a tad more effective.

The girl began calling for the other phlebotomist to come into the room. That alone did not inspire the sort of confidence I like to have in someone who is holding a needle in my arm. Then my arm did begin to bleed, just not into the needle.

Yeah I didn't know that could happen either. I was thinking, 'This can't be good.'

But when the girl said, 'This is SO weird' I had had enough. I told her to take the needle out.

'Are you sure? I think I almost have it'

Ummm, yes I am definitely sure that the time has come for you, your needle, and my arm to part company, 'TAKE IT OUT OF MY ARM.'

The other phlebotomist came into the room and we began the blood letting dance again. Third time was the charm. The girl kept saying how "funny" it was. I might have found it funny too if it wasn't my arms.

Now I have huge black bruises on the insides of my arms and I'm just thankful it is long sleeve weather.


Anonymous Sherri (aka Scooby) said...

Oh I feel your pain as a woman with useless viens as well. A few years ago I got really really sick - started to vomit and went from about 130 pounds to 90 in less than 12 hours. My veins collapsed and they had to insert an IV... it was pure torture but I was at the point where all I could do was lie there and not *feel* anything. Thank goodness.

Hope your arms are feeling better soon!

8:56 AM  
Blogger Jeana said...

Chris, you are so funny I'm laughing out loud when I read your posts, bringing my kids in to ask what's so funny and of course since it's not knock knock jokes they don't get it. Had to comment on this one, once when I was getting blood drawn it hurt like the dickens and I turned around to see (and feel) blood dripping EVERYWHERE. The nurse (vampire, cafeteria worker, whoever they were letting do it that day) had one comment to her fellow worker.

"Big cleanup on this one."

So sorry for YOU lady. Did you mean all my blood or all your brain matter that will shortly be scattered about with it?

7:13 PM  

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