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Friday, July 29, 2005

Single Handedly Bringing The Property Values Down

I live in a neighborhood where it seems everyone has a big landscape crew come in and mow their lawns and do their yard work. Everyone except for us.

Rob and I like to roll our eyes at each other and say things like, "If I am ever that lazy... blah blah blah" But really we just say that to make ourselves feel better. Because we really are that lazy, or at least I am. If we had the money to pay a lawn crew to come in and do the work while I sat on front porch, sipping mint juleps*, thumbing through the latest issue of Better Homes and Gardens, I'd give up ever touching lawn grooming appliances again for the rest of my natural life, and beyond. **

This morning I decided to mow the front lawn as a "gift" for my husband. It is a "gift" because it is something I rarely do. There is something satisfying about the back and forth horizontal lines that the lawn mower produces. I imagine it must be the same feeling that people with wall to wall carpeting get when the vacuum their rugs. Not satisfying enough that I want to make a habit out of doing it though. (Is that clear, Rob?)

People drove by as I was mowing the lawn and stared. I imagine they were saying to each other things like, "Is she the hired help? I thought that was the Mom?" "Look that family has so many kids they have to take care of the yard work themselves!"

Or they might have been saying, "Why is that woman chasing those half naked, small children around yard with a lawn mower shouting, 'I am going to make mulch out of you, my pretties!'"

*I have no idea what mint juleps is other than it sounds like something you would lazily sip on a porch while your servants fanned you with palm fronds.

** Rob has told me that in a few years I will have my own crew of landscape workers. They are called my sons. Now if I could just get them to fan me.


Blogger Meg said...

Ah, Chris, you've come to the right person about those mint juleps. I mean, the right person has come to you.

As a Kentuckian, I can tell you that mint juleps are a horrifying combination of bourbon, water, sugar, and mint. Although you could add palm fronds if you wanted, I'm sure.

7:58 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I don't want to drink the palm fronds, I want to be fanned with them. LOL
I am going to have to fantasize about a better drink though...

8:27 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Ah. well, that would make sense, wouldn't it?

If you want to fantasize about a better drink, may I suggest a gin and tonic? I love 'em and they'd go GREAT with being fanned by palm fronds...

8:55 AM  
Blogger KatherineMary said...

But did he say "thanks babe, I appreciate you mowing the lawn???"

Oh and the coolest thing is when they are just about old enough to mow and weed-eat, they think it's the coolest thing.

Then when they are really and truly old enough to do it...they get jobs doing it for other people...

9:55 AM  
Blogger Darren said...

Is there anything you don't do? You make me tired just imagining it all.

Try this: Scotch (single malt only), ice, splash of water. It's easy, so you won't have to struggle with jiggers or bar spoons when you fix your third one.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I picture something cold and frosty - like a strawberry daquri. Then not only can you enjoy it but you can torture the darlings by drinking something that looks delcious that THEY CAN'T HAVE. Of course you couls make extra minus the alchol for the hoard but really - what fun would that be??

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

Thank you for mowing the lawn Dear. Now, if you would just address the back yard today it would be just great. :)

11:33 AM  
Blogger TBG said...

Good luck getting that future lawn crew of yours to take care of the yard and to take care of it well.

Good luck on the fanning as well.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous kelly said...

what happened to the coffee-flavored beer?

1:17 PM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Pina Coladas! I'll meet you on an island and we'll drink lots of them.

Yuck on anything that tastes like alcohol, and pina coladas definitely do not.

Isn't your oldest old enough to join the lawn crew? I think so : )

3:10 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

There is plenty of things that I don't do. the beauty of having a blog though is that I don't have to share my shortcomings if I don't want to!

I have never actually tried the coffee flavored beer, and not really sure that I want to either.

My oldest two sons, ages 10 and 9, both do mow the lawn and use the weedwhacker, but they aren't old enough to do it completely unsupervised, unless I don't mind mowed down flowers and stripes of really long grass they missed. They don't yet have stamina to do the entire yard either... it's probably a 4 hour job start to finish.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Sleeping Mommy said...

Do you have any idea how often my lawn gets mowed? About as often as my husband finally gets tired of me bitching at him to mow the knee high grass before the neighbors report us to code enforcement. Sigh...

I'd do it. Really I would, but I can't and keep an eye on my little ones. That and there is only so much you can do with a riding lawn mower that keeps breaking down. I need a good solid push one and a decent weedeater. If wishes were nickles I'd have a million dollars.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Lizzie said...

Welcome to my world -- Lawnmower Moms U-NITE!!

Oh, and I'm not picky...I'll take anything with alcohol in it!

10:09 PM  
Blogger Barb, sfo said...

We live in the same neighborhood. Most people here don't do their own lawns OR their own windows. (I don't hire out for windows, but I don't get them done much, either!)
Himself is just thrilled that this year, Big Brother is old enough to mow the whole yard! Last year he only did the front lawn. Now he's got the whole thing. Let me tell you, Dad couldn't be happier.

10:20 PM  
Blogger buffi said...

Pina Coladas. Definately. You could teach the younger ones how to run the mixer. Prepare them for a profitable career mixing drinks for bored housewives.

12:14 AM  
Blogger thicket dweller said...

My in-laws used to live in a community like that. Once, a neighbor said to my mother-in-law, "Your husband must really like doing yardwork. Is that one of his hobbies?"

My mother-in-law replied with a confused, "No. Why?"

"Oh," said the equally confused woman. "Because I never see your hired help doing it."

Some of these people must have traded their brains in at the Lexus dealership.

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Kristi Vega said...

I just stumbled across your blog, and my swollen eight-month-pregnant belly hurt from chuckling so much. On lawn mowing--the first time my husband deployed for six months, I mowed our large, lush St. Augustine fire-ant infested Florida lawn myself. On principle, I would not hire lawn people. When I had our first baby and hubby was deploying again, we hired a lawn service. I swear to you, seeing those guys out there mowing and edging and even pulling up weeds, they were my knights in shining armor, they were my personal heroes. (Hubby didn't like reading that in my daily email to him, while he was out defending democracy. ;-) We've got at least 9 more years before our son takes over the job.

7:21 PM  

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