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Friday, May 13, 2005

It's A Mother's Day Miracle

Okay, it wasn't on Sunday and it wasn't miraculous since I did most of it my own damn self.

But I cleaned out my van. To include:
Taking out all the carseats (6 of 'em for those that are counting) and washed the covers. Vacuuming the floor and seats and even using the little crevice tool.

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Please notice in this photo the lack of any people old enough to do it without supervision, as well as the boy who thinks he is a monkey.

This is no small feat. My van is larger than the apartments that many of our NYC friends live in. Truthfully. My husband has a co-worker who lives in a 300sq ft one bedroom apartment. That is pretty much smaller than any one room in my house, aside from a bathroom. I had asked if she could cook and serve herself breakfast in bed, and maybe shower at the same time, because that could be a selling point.

In any event, my van is now free of petrified french fries, gum wrappers, assorted papers, lollipop sticks, and half eaten, now unrecognizable foods.

And how did we celebrate? Did I ban the children from stepping foot into the van so I could enjoy the cleanliness?

Nope, we took a field trip to a local organic farm, where the kids all climbed in compost heaps and took turns plating onions in his field. Then they each planted their own six pack of lettuce seeds to bring home. One of which I knocked over in the van and had to try and scoop up the dirt and itty bitty seeds and get them back into the planter with no one noticing.

And then we stopped at the batting cages so the oldest two could practice hitting. 150 balls each later, they were done.

We stopped at Dairy Queen on the way back home. Because what goes better with dirt than drippy ice cream cones.

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We never go to Dairy Queen because Rob has "issues" with it. He hates the idea of standing outside, in a dirty parking lot, licking an icecream cone. Personally, I think standing next to a dumpster, along a chain link fence, in a dirty parking lot just adds to the ambiance. Where else can filthy dirty children enjoy a good icecream cone AND provide entertainment for passerbys at a busy intersection.

As we were about to drive away, my 9 yr old discovers that he had stepped in gum. And tracked it all over the van. He was upset because if I hadn't cleaned out the van, "you wouldn't even notice."

In the words of my 10 yr old, "It was inevitable."


Blogger novaks8 said...


Everytime I clean out the Suburban my dear husband bans the kids from eating in it again.
And then everytime he sees them eating in it he says "I thought *you* weren't going to let them eat in here again"
This from the man who has never once cleaned out the Suburban.

funny stuff!

11:36 AM  
Blogger JellyMom said...


So very true...

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Amy Byram said...

Hi Chris, I've been sneaking around and reading your blog now for a couple of months and havent let you in on Im not a freak or something lmao! Dont worry, but I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading all your witty columns (if you can call them that). Being a mother of 3 boys, I can relate with you on a lot of what you write. Thanks for making my day!!

Mommy to Cody 6, Cameron 5 & Logan almost 3
Orange Co, VA

3:32 PM  
Anonymous Chuck said...

Yeah I know the feeling, I found 5 1/2 hamburgers under a seat when we cleaned it out a week or so ago. And of course all of the kids say the other one did it.

3:55 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

I just started reading recently and wanted to post to say hello. I am really enjoying your blog.

10:00 PM  
Blogger Laurel said...

Last week I cleaned out the Escort are some highlights:
6 very hard McDonalds french fries, about a dozen straw wrappers from Dunkin' donuts iced coffees (my contribution!), countless Happy Meal toy wrappers, a chicken mcnugget box with 1/2 uneaten piece left, 2 broken pencils, 3 markers-one without a cap, 4 candy bar wrappers, 2 books, a broken pair of sunglasses, 3 boxes of tissues from under the seats, an Atlas of the world, a Barbie doll with only a shirt on (and I thought it was only shoes that got lost out the window!), and about 14 bottles of water in various quantities...the sad part? Today I can visually count at least 5 more bottles and who knows what else....sometimes I really wish I just had a horse and buggy!

10:35 PM  
Blogger Laurel said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:35 PM  
Anonymous epiphany said...

This is why I only clean my van once a year...with the chocolate donut eating freak that is my 22mth old, there is no hope of the van ever staying clean for more than a minute... 8)

10:53 PM  
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10:03 PM  
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6:47 AM  

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