I'm Writing A Book

A book about my adventures in grocery shopping, because surely these things don't happen to everyone. Or maybe they do and I am just unaware.

I'll skip over the actual shopping part this time, I have already discussed that ad nauseum, here and other places I am too lazy to find and link to.

But, this weekends real adventure began from the check out aisle, where my groceries somehow morphed from fitting comfortably into 2 carts, to overflowing from three. Thankfully, with the bread safely tucked underneath the rest of the groceries.

I got to have two baggers, which made me feel very special, and celebrity-like, though I could have done without the constant running commentary about how much food it was and how it will last a long time.

I guess they didn't see all the kids I had with me, who can inhale a cart full of groceries in an afternoon. But, in their defense, some of them were running around so fast that they weren't readily visible to the naked eye.

Then the store manager rewarded my children for their good behavior. Good behavior is subjective I suppose, or she couldn't see them either. They each received their very own chocolate Easter bunny. The Easter candy which is no longer fit for selling, but perfectly acceptable to give away to children.

Which was nice.

Except it really wasn't. I didn't need them to have that jolt of sugar and caffeine and then strap them all into a car.

So, I handed over my husband's paycheck and we began to leave the store. I was pushing one cart with my infant, my 7 yr old was pushing one cart,while lovingly holding onto his chocolate bunny, and the grocery bagger was pushing the cart with my two year old. As the circus train headed out of the store and across the parking lot, my 7 yr old ran over his 4 yr old brother. In a very dramatic Oscar worthy performance, the 4 yr old lay on the pavement and rolled, writhed, and screamed, while a line of cars in both directions waited, watching the show.

Behold the spectacle that is my family shopping. I wish I could charge for the viewing.

Somehow I managed to push the shopping cart over to the side and drag my 4 yr old over with me. As I bent down to look at his scraped knee, I heard my 2 yr old screaming, "Weeeeeeee weeeee,"along with maniacal laughter that is never good. I look up and see her, still strapped into the cart, flying solo down the incline of the parking lot. It is at that point I notice the grocery bagger standing next to me, completely oblivious.

"You let go of the cart?!?"

She took off running and caught the cart before it crashed into some parked cars. As I caught up to her she mumbled, "I am having a bad day."

Which made me laugh. My life is her bad day, yet she bags groceries for a living. I guess it is all in your perspective, because bagging groceries would be on my list of things I'd like to do right behind gouge my eyes out with a butter knife.

By the time I got the groceries unloaded into the van, the children had all eaten their chocolate bunnies and were bouncing around. All I can say is thank God for the five point harness.

Before we drove off I looked over my shopping list, which I had left in the van, as usual. In the excitement of buying more! cereal! that contains the light saber spoons, I had forgotten to buy flour and tin foil.

You know what that means... the circus train will be rolling through town again soon. Look for us at a shopping center near you.