notesfromthetrenchesIII

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Monday, May 16, 2005

Bumper Stickers

I don't have any bumper stickers on my car.

I find them fascinating on other people's cars though. The fact that the message on the bumper sticker somehow spoke to the person, and that it spoke to them enough to want to put it on their car and broadcast it to the rest of the world. The messages are hardly original either.

I can't imagine finding one that encapsulates who I am am and what I would want to say about myself.

My other car is not a broom, though I would be willing to consider getting one, given how much gas it takes to fill my van and that I wouldn't have to listen to children fighting as I rode along.

My child is not an honor student at XYZ Elementary School. Aren't they all now with the No Child Left Behind Act?

Likewise they didn't beat up your honor student, and even if they did I wouldn't want to be bragging about it.

I suppose that I could put a homeschool bumper sticker on my van, but I really don't want to hold myself up as some sort of example of homeschooling excellence. Especially since they are all often dancing in their seats and yelling to each other, and we more frequently look like an example of the "special" bus.

And just what is up with the sticker of the boy peeing on things? For some reason I always see this one on pick-up trucks driven by boy-men under 30. Am I supposed ot be impressed that you have a penis and can pee standing up? I'll admit it would have advantages when camping in the woods.

But, I can push a live baby out of my vagina, much more impressive. For the record, if you really could arc your urine from here to Iraq, I would be impressed. I would think you are entitled to have the sticker on your car. Otherwise, it just makes you seem like a dumbass. A dumbass who must use pictures rather than words to get his point across.


The one that gets me every time and sends me off on a rant to whomever is in my car with me, is probably just a New England one.

This Car Climbed Mount Washington.

I'm not sure why I am supposed to be impressed by this. It is a car after all. And there is a paved road to the top. Are there cars that have tried to drive up and not made it? Have people been forced to abandon their vehicles along the side of the road?

Their website lists all the people who have died on the mountain, but I see nothing about cars. I hiked up Mt Washington, back in my youthful and more energetic days. Days when my sports bra and spandex shorts were my clothing, not foundational support garments.

It was difficult. But I have full confidence that even the first car I ever bought, 1975 lime green VW rabbit, that had no working odometer,a broken gas gauge, one headlight and only an AM radio could make it to the top.

Today I saw a woman driving a car with a new one to add to my top five list of worst bumper stickers.

Quit tailgating or I'll flick a booger on you.

Whoa, and here I am out of windshield wiper fluid. I'd best stay way way back. I'll admit I am frightened. Not by the booger, but by the fact that someone bought this and put it on their car for the entire world to see.

Though I am thinking, if she could put this bumper sticker into a pictogram format, I have just the man for her. He was driving a black Ford Ram pick-up truck with a peeing boy sticker on the rear window.

39 Comments:

Anonymous Jordana said...

I find bumper stickers fascinating. Especially the cars with them plastered all over, holding the car together.

The thought of putting something on my car that would represent me to the whole world is not one I want to do. It's always great when the person with the fish or WWJD sticker on their car cuts you off in traffic or something. When I had a W sticker on my car and would do something stupid, like drive up on the curb (I'm not the best at steering a van in tight spaces) I always figured the people behind me were all thinking "stupid Republican" which was not the image I wanted to project. Maybe just stupid, but I don't want to represent all the stupid people in a whole party.

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was absolutely HYSTERICAL!!!!

It totally made my day really tough day better!

I have been reading for a few months. You've become part of my morning coffee routine.

Thanks for making me laugh! You have a beautiful family.

6:59 PM  
Anonymous mrsrum said...

That was a great post! I've been lacsidasical in my reading lately and neglected many of my favorite reads. I'm haning my head in apology and crawling back. Thanks for having a hilarious sense of humor!!!!

9:57 PM  
Blogger Annalise said...

Stephen thinks bumper stickers are divisive and bad because, he says, they are (literally) labels that only show one facet of a person, and if the reader doesn't like the sentiment that the sticker expresses, then they mentally write the sticker-owner off.

I, however, like them, possibly partly because my dad always had a strict no-sticker policy when we were kids (something to do with his paintwork).

My van has one that says "Hate Free Zone", one that says "I'd Rather Be Climbing" and a UU one that says "We are all family, and we all have value". Used to have "Human Milk For Human Babies" on my old car ... I like spotting stickers whose sentiments I agree with, and I like mocking the cars with the stickers that I consider to be stupid ;-)
Annalise
http://here-today.blogspot.com

8:55 AM  
Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

Hi!

Still laughing about the "whipped peanut spread" and "crushed, sweetened fruit."

I always wanted a bumper sticker that said "My foster child had sex with your honor student" but, well, my kids have enough issues without me adding to them by publicizing things.

One of my favorites is when I spot a "visualize whirled peas" sticker.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Loved reading your opinions on this topic! You have a great way of expressing your views!

10:48 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

My husband has just informed me that the maker of the Ram truck is Dodge, not Ford. Oooops.

Guess that peeing boy sticker is too distracting.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

But really, don't you sometimes WANT to flick a booger on someone's car? You just don't want to announce that you're going to.

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Blogger Annie said...

My seven year old son and I loved the bumper sticker we saw on the way home from school one day. I think you'll like it too.

"Vaginas are WAY cool."

He loved telling all of his friends about it. I loved explaining to him how cool they really are. You just never know when the opportunity to inform and educate will present itself.

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