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Friday, February 11, 2005

Friend or Foe

Oh Motrin, you lure me in with your promises of making my children feel better. Every time my children are sick, I grasp at your orangey flavored goodness and promises for fever and aching free children for 6 to 8 hours. 6 to 8 hours, no wonder I am so weak.

Oh Motrin, your label fails to mention the side effects that every parent knows about during their moments of clarity. Moments that are not effected by the clouded thinking produced by feverish children clinging on to all available appendages.

The wicked truth is, Motrin, that you only make the children well enough to whine and complain, to bitch and moan, and did I say whine? A whine which can make the heartiest of souls want to drive a screwdriver through their eardrums. Flat head or Phillips... it doesn't matter.

Your label should have the following bold print warning:

Use with caution.
May produce marked whining.
Do not use without parental ear plugs.
Use extreme caution when parental figures will be driving a motor vehicle as it may produce the urge to drive the vehicle into nearest tree.
Use of alcohol is highly recommended for parents for the duration of product use.

Oh Motrin, you truly are the spawn of Satan himself.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, I totally agree. This is why I don't give my kids medicine to reduce their temperature unless it is 103 -- they feel better, run around a little, relapse and moan and groan (at least the boys do). If they have a fever and feel bad, they tend to lay around on the couch and rest and recover so much faster. I think it is because they are little menn, when my daughter is sick she lays in her bed or quietly on the couch until she recovers; the boys just need the attention (they can't be sick without making sure everyone in the house knows it).

Colleen (mom2four)

8:07 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

You really need to forget the motrin and get hip to the benefits of Benadryl. It makes children really sleepy and sends their whiny rearends to sleep. (or so I hear, I of course would never stoop to such levels)

8:18 PM  

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