How To Have Lunch Out Without Paying

There are signs that you shouldn't eat at particular restaurant. These signs should not be ignored. In case you are ever faced with similar circumstances I am going to present these signs in the form of a story. Please heed the warnings or your wife will never want to kiss you on the mouth again.

Yesterday Rob and a friend went out to lunch at an Indian buffet restaurant. (Right there is cause for concern, I just don't think Indian and buffet go together, and since my Chinese buffet experience when I was pregnant I don't do buffets anymore.)

As they were up at the buffet table filling their plates a cockroach ran across the buffet table. A COCKROACH RAN ACROSS THE TABLE.

(This is the first sign that you shouldn't eat at a particular restaurant. )

But this isn't the shocking part of the story.

They continued to fill their plates and sat down to eat. Did you get that? Let me say it again. They continued to fill their plates and sat down to eat.

"Well, I was slightly concerned, but I was hungry and we were already there." Rob said when I questioned him.

"I would have screamed, dropped my plate, left the restaurant and had my appetite ruined. I probably would have thrown up in my mouth a little all day long just remembering it." I said. And to be honest, I felt a little ill just imagining it.

"You're melodramatic."

But there is more to the story.

Rob goes on to tell me that they sit down to eat their food, never really giving it much of a second thought. As Rob is eating his chicken that is covered in some sort of sauce, he looked down on his plate and sees some sort of thread like thing. He grabs the thread and pulls on it.

Only it isn't a thread.

It is a whole cockroach, COVERED WITH SAUCE AND MIXED IN WITH HIS FOOD, his food that he was eating.

(This is the second sign that you shouldn't eat at a particular restaurant. )

Did that make you throw up a little? Because it did me.

After I stopped involuntarily gagging I asked, "What did you do?"

"Well, I didn't eat anymore of that particular food, I can tell you that!"

"Does that mean you continued to eat other foods?"

"Well, yes, but we stuck to foods that didn't have sauce so we could see the food clearly."

"And that doesn't strike you as being problematic that you need to examine your food before you eat it at a restaurant?" I asked.

"We were hungry."

"I have never been, nor will I ever be that hungry."

"We decided that we aren't ever going to go back there to eat."

"You say that like there was a question about it. Like you two had to have a discussion about it."

"Well..."

"Who are you?" I asked.


But there is more.

Rob called the waiter over and pointed out the cockroach. The waiter was new and he was horrified. He took a napkin and picked up the saucy cockroach and marched off to the kitchen.

He returned a few minutes later and told them he was quitting his job as a waiter at that restaurant because "he couldn't take it anymore" The waitstaff telling you they are quitting because of the conditions can never be good.

That is the third sign that you shouldn't eat at a restaurant.

"Hey, at least we didn't have to pay for our lunch."

"Next time you want a free lunch why don't you just root around in the dumpster behind the nearest McDonald's. I'm sure there is cockroach infested food in there that would be to your liking." I said.


The jury is still out on the fourth sign... food poisoning.