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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

How To Have Lunch Out Without Paying

There are signs that you shouldn't eat at particular restaurant. These signs should not be ignored. In case you are ever faced with similar circumstances I am going to present these signs in the form of a story. Please heed the warnings or your wife will never want to kiss you on the mouth again.

Yesterday Rob and a friend went out to lunch at an Indian buffet restaurant. (Right there is cause for concern, I just don't think Indian and buffet go together, and since my Chinese buffet experience when I was pregnant I don't do buffets anymore.)

As they were up at the buffet table filling their plates a cockroach ran across the buffet table. A COCKROACH RAN ACROSS THE TABLE.

(This is the first sign that you shouldn't eat at a particular restaurant. )

But this isn't the shocking part of the story.

They continued to fill their plates and sat down to eat. Did you get that? Let me say it again. They continued to fill their plates and sat down to eat.

"Well, I was slightly concerned, but I was hungry and we were already there." Rob said when I questioned him.

"I would have screamed, dropped my plate, left the restaurant and had my appetite ruined. I probably would have thrown up in my mouth a little all day long just remembering it." I said. And to be honest, I felt a little ill just imagining it.

"You're melodramatic."

But there is more to the story.

Rob goes on to tell me that they sit down to eat their food, never really giving it much of a second thought. As Rob is eating his chicken that is covered in some sort of sauce, he looked down on his plate and sees some sort of thread like thing. He grabs the thread and pulls on it.

Only it isn't a thread.

It is a whole cockroach, COVERED WITH SAUCE AND MIXED IN WITH HIS FOOD, his food that he was eating.

(This is the second sign that you shouldn't eat at a particular restaurant. )

Did that make you throw up a little? Because it did me.

After I stopped involuntarily gagging I asked, "What did you do?"

"Well, I didn't eat anymore of that particular food, I can tell you that!"

"Does that mean you continued to eat other foods?"

"Well, yes, but we stuck to foods that didn't have sauce so we could see the food clearly."

"And that doesn't strike you as being problematic that you need to examine your food before you eat it at a restaurant?" I asked.

"We were hungry."

"I have never been, nor will I ever be that hungry."

"We decided that we aren't ever going to go back there to eat."

"You say that like there was a question about it. Like you two had to have a discussion about it."


"Who are you?" I asked.

But there is more.

Rob called the waiter over and pointed out the cockroach. The waiter was new and he was horrified. He took a napkin and picked up the saucy cockroach and marched off to the kitchen.

He returned a few minutes later and told them he was quitting his job as a waiter at that restaurant because "he couldn't take it anymore" The waitstaff telling you they are quitting because of the conditions can never be good.

That is the third sign that you shouldn't eat at a restaurant.

"Hey, at least we didn't have to pay for our lunch."

"Next time you want a free lunch why don't you just root around in the dumpster behind the nearest McDonald's. I'm sure there is cockroach infested food in there that would be to your liking." I said.

The jury is still out on the fourth sign... food poisoning.


Blogger Katie said...

Um, I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit too (you should put a warning label on this post not to read while eating breakfast). I hope he doesn't get food poisoning and I can I just say, EWWWWWWWW!!!

10:49 AM  
Anonymous kim Anderson said...

ew ew ew ew ew

11:09 AM  
Anonymous TB said...


I would have immediately left the restaraunt and called the health department. Aside from the cockroach being something that is icky, it is really unsanitary. I would question the cleaning methods (or lack thereof), that this place uses, not to mention how they handle and prepare food.

Do others a favor and call the health department, this place should not be operating.

I can't believe that Rob actually stayed! They feed you better in prisons!!!!

11:10 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

OH URP! I can't eat at Taco Bell anymore because I found an - ahem - PERSONAL hair in my 7-layer burrito there one time when I was pregnant.

What is wrong with Rob?!?!

11:31 AM  
Blogger Darren said...

All of that was just wrong, wrong, wrong...

11:37 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

See, I knew I wasn't being melodramatic. I'd call the Health Department myself if I knew the name of the restaurant.

11:50 AM  
Blogger cubmommy said...

OK, I did throw up a little in my mouth. That is so disgusting.

Men! They never really get it and pretty much will eat anything.

Now I will have nightmares. Cockroaches really creep me out.

12:45 PM  
Blogger nextcommercial said...

So? Is he sick? If so, let this be a lesson to him! You could even have fun with you have a creepy crawler machine???? I do! Wanna borrow it?

Um, get the name and major cross streets of this place. Call not only the health department, but the news team. OMG! If this had been a Wendy's, the media would be camped in their parking lot.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Being made of stern stuff the scuttling cockroach would have made me turn around sans vomit, but cockroach fricasse is over the edge!! Ick! Ick! Being dramatic I probably would have screamed to the whole restaurant, flung myself about on the floor and called the health dept from there.

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I quit a waitressing job once under similar circumstances.
Cockroaches breeding behind the dessert cooler where there was a leak and everyone acted like it was no big deal.
Too cheap to call the exterminator.

My husband wanted to eat there one day recently...I said 'uh, NO'

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Oh Chris... ewwwwwwwwwwww. Ok I live in SE CT and I'm thinking of all these places he could have been at.
I love your blog... been meaning to post a comment and wave hello.

Can you email me?, I've got a question for you.


1:28 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

That is gross. there is definitly something wrong with Men. I would have been out of there first sign of bugs. Disturbing.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

This probably happens more then we think. At restaurants you rarely see the food prepared. Who knows what happens behind closed doors...

2:08 PM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Blech, barf, ewwwwww. Chris, GROSS. Seriously, you are SO not being melodramatic. YUCK. This restaurant wouldn't happen to be in the town where I attended law school, would it? Please say no, because I think I attended an Indian lunch buffet there. PLEASE say no.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It might be helpful to look at it this way. Once your kids are grown and have left the house, and it's just you two old retired folk, now you know that satisfying your husband's culinary desires at home will require SO much less effort on your part. This is obviously a man that's not hard to please!

3:23 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

That. is. disgusting.

The first cockroach would have done me in.

If I even see a tiny baby cockroach scuttering around on the toilet seat in the ladies' room, I don't use that toilet for a very long time. Luckily there are other floors I can make it to in time.

My appetite for supper is ruined. Now I'm going to be looking for saucy roaches everywhere.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Jody said...

Whaaa Whaaa Whaaa!! Urp!!


Oh so nasty.

It rates right up there with eating out with my brother and watching him eat fried cow testicles while the waiter agreed with me that my steak was rotten ( I am not kidding, rotten, as in maggot territory). She said that they got a bad shipment and had just received a good one and asked if I would like another cut from the good meat. ????????????? Why yes, given the choice, I would like my meat to not be rotten. I calmly asked her what moron would knowingly prepare rotting meat to a customer? She agreed and said this was the last straw and she was quiting.

My brother continued to gobble up his cow testicles.

I like to pretend we are not related on days like that.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Aritha said...

OMG!!! No one is that Hungry!!!I have no words to say. I am green at the thought. EWWWWW!!

7:36 PM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

La cucaracha! He might be an entomophagist!

8:34 PM  
Blogger Chris said...


No it wasn't even in this state. He was in new York.

I still feel ill thinking about it.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Sleeping Mommy said...

What is wrong with him?

really. That's all I keep thinking.

Oh my god, I think I am going to throw up for real.

11:48 PM  
Blogger eko said...

Oh, well - New York, THAT explains it then ;-) (kidding!)

I relayed this to my 9yo son - out of curiosity - his being a male, and he was SO outta there! :-)

Oh gads! But such a funny telling, Chris!

12:54 AM  
Blogger buffi said...

People in Ethiopia aren't that hungry! Only a guy would do that.

Awesome post, Chris!

1:37 AM  
Anonymous rachel said...

ick ick ick - i'm glad i haven't eaten anything yet today, i feel like i'm going to be sick!

Hope Rob's ok and doesn't get food poisoning!

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Rob said...

I am fine. Thank you all for your concern :) The real tragedy of the story is that I now have to find a different Indian restaurant to eat at..

12:19 PM  
Blogger stephanie said...

Rob. Seriously, dude...there are many, many other restaurants to choose from.

2:53 PM  
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