Thankfully There Is More Than One Way To A Man's Heart

I outdid myself for dinner tonight.

I began by picking blueberries off of the bushes in our backyard. I felt so pioneer-like out there in my yard gathering food with my own hands to eat. My ten year old has been telling everyone that we grow organic blueberries, which makes it sound way WAY more impressive than a few scraggly shrubs really deserve.

I enthusiastically told the children that we were going to have blueberry something or other for dinner tonight! Rob is away, so my meal preparations the past few days have consisted of things like cold cereal, and scrambled eggs. So in keeping with the breakfast theme I decide to make blueberry pancakes.

I got out the big bowl and my measuring cups and spoons, at least the ones I can still find that have not been stolen for digging out in the yard. I got out my recipe book where I have written my ever expanding pancake recipe that I have changed and doubled, and doubled yet again. I scooped eight cups of flour out of the bag and into the bowl.

There is probably a reason that the ingredients are in a certain order in the recipe, but I do it my own way anyway. I don't follow directions well. Most likely I was male in a past life.

I head to the refrigerator. Hmmmm, the only milk I have is vanilla flavored soy. Vanilla is good, I like vanilla flavoring. I pick up the carton and realize there isn't much left. Ah no worries, I can improvise. My 8 cups of milk becomes three cups of milk mixed with 5 cups of water. It's like skim milk, right?

Onto the next ingredient, eggs. Look in the refrigerator. No eggs. I remember that I used them all up two nights ago making scrambled eggs. I am moderately worried, but still confident I can find an adequate substitute. I search through the cabinets. What is egg like? I spy a sad lone jar of applesauce in the back of the cabinet. Perfect.

Things go along swimmingly until I come to the baking powder. I remember that I used up the last of it a week ago. I look through the cabinets, but nothing seems to be an acceptable substitution. Should I just ignore that ingredient? What else can I do? I am at the point of no return. I pull out the box of corn starch and toss some of it in. It's powdery, it's white, and I have no real grasp of it's purpose.

I start pouring the batter into the pans. They are rather dense. I flip them over and they make an audible thud in the pan. My spatula bends from their weight. Hmmmm, they also won't cook in the center. But then I remember there is no eggs in them, so who cares if the center is a little runny.

I decide to rename this food, since it is more like a panpuck than a pancake. I call the children in to the kitchen and introduce the Healthy Pancake Alternative. It's like having a pancake but without all the pesky fat, cholesterol, and taste!

"Mom, they look really weird and I can't cut them with my fork. Can I have a steak knife?"

I learn that my children, who cry at the sight of homemade macaroni and cheese, who painstakingly pick the diced vegetables out of fried rice, and who believe ketchup is a vegetable, these same children will eat something that has the consistency of a super ball if it is swimming in enough syrup.

Looking on the bright side, we can resole our shoes with the leftovers.