Am I On Candid Camera?

Because sometimes I feel as though that is the only explanation for the people that I encounter in my life on a daily basis. It's like I have a homing device implanted in me which sends out signals, calling for all the freaks in a fifty mile radius to come to me.

Arriving at the beach yesterday, the man who works at the ticket booth, taking the money and giving out a beach pass for the day, had bright pink nail polish on his fingernails. Maybe he wanted his hands to look pretty for all the people he'd be taking money from all day, I don't know. They weren't well done.. The polish was clumpy and all over his skin. You would think if you were going to call attention to your hands like that you would at least do it well. But then I noticed he had baby barrettes all over his hair, which was short, so that his hair stood up in tiny little clumps all over his head. What is up with that look? What is the message he is trying to send to the public? I am gay and child-like?

I drove off laughing to myself when my 10 yr old said, "Do you think someone dared him to look like that today?"

That must be it. Clearly there is no other rational explanation.

******

We schlepped all our stuff from the van to the beach, which seemed like 5 miles walking through the sand, and the kids run off to play at the waters edge. I sat down on my seat and noticed the two young women near us taking pictures of each other in their bikinis. And at first I was happy for them and their positive self esteem, and for daring to wear bikini bathing suits despite the fact that their bodies were not made for such displays. But then my happiness turned to horror as they rolled around on the sand, arching their backs into very playboyesque poses. Did they not notice all the other people on the beach? They splashed water all over themselves and posed with these pouting lips in the water.

But, they were so bad at it all that I began laughing. It was like watching a train wreck. I just couldn't avert my eyes.

*******

Sadly, I have no pictures of the bathing beauties.

But I did get a photo of the next bikini wearing freak.



Can't see her?



This woman laid out on her lounge chair, pulled out a razor and began shaving her bikini line and upper thighs. What the hell? First of all, Ouch! Dry shaving your bikini line. But secondly, isn't that something better suited to the privacy of your own bathroom? And isn't pulling out a razor and shaving on the beach just calling more attention to your hairiness than if you left it alone?


*******

To file under why I hate people:

As we were leaving the beach, we had to walk a long for a long stretch across the sand. The sand had become very hot from the sun and we were all walking barefoot. It didn't bother the older kids at all. My feet were burning at about the half way point. I started running and picked up my two year old who had begun to cry. I am running across the hot sand holding my two youngest, when my 4 yr old started to scream that his feet are burning. I yelled to him to put his stuff down and stand on it or else run as fast as he could across the sand to the grass. Luckily my 10 year old has feet impervious to pain, because he ran and picked up his brother and carried him to safety. Of course for the rest of the day we had to hear, from him, about what a hero he was.

The people who were sitting on a blanket near him started laughing and making fun of my four year old burning his feet on the hot sand. Grown up people laughing at a child. I was so angry I could have strangled all four of them with my bare hands, except that would have meant that I'd have to walk back across the hot sand. Luckily for them my desire to preserve my feet was greater than my anger towards them.

********

Right now Rob is on a plane to Puerto Rico. He'll be home for a day and a half and then be off to Los Angeles. I'm wondering when my business trip is. Isn't there a mother's convention that I need to attend somewhere?

My father in law's open heart surgery was rescheduled for tomorrow or Friday morning, the doctor isn't sure yet. Rob had wanted to be at the hospital to see his Dad before he went into surgery and to sit with his mother while his dad was in surgery. Everyone told him not to cancel his trip. I just hope that was a wise decision.