notesfromthetrenchesIII

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

My Other Child

I have a child
who is so bad
He makes me yell.
He makes me mad.

I hear him running on the stairs,
But when I look, there's no one there.
He scatters toys across the lawn.
He sets alarms to ring at dawn

He skips and bounces down the hall.
He knocks the pictures off the wall.
He takes the cushions off the couch.
He spits chewed food out of his mouth.

And leaves it on the floor
For me to find.
I'll pick it up.
I don't mind.

He jumps upon my just made beds.
He cuts the hair from toddlers heads.
He peels the paper from the walls.
He loses every. single. ball.

He picks the heads off all the flowers,
and turns the hose on them full power.
He leaves it running in the grass,
to make mud puddles in which to splash.

He tracks the dirt across the floors.
He paints with mud on outside doors.
He digs up flowers in the yard.
He bends his brother's baseball cards.

He leaves the tops off all the pens,
After he writes on walls with them.
He pees on walls,
and floors and sinks.

It is he who made the fart that stinks.

He tosses clothes around the room.
and mixes toys in with them too.
He fills his pockets up with sand,
and gum, and rocks, and rubberbands.

I find them later in the wash
sometimes stuck to clothes and socks

He is to blame for many wrongs,
not putting things where they belong.
The corner has a welcome mat,
a balled up towel, a coat, a hat,
some rocks, some sticks, a spoon, some glue,
a cup that has ants,
or at least it used to.

The soap he breaks into little bits.
And on the mirror, he always spits.
The expensive shampoo he likes to waste,
and paint the sink with blue toothpaste.

I confess sometimes I have to yell,
"Who DID this? Now, you must tell!"

I question children one by one,
"Did you do this?"
"I'm not the one."

They say "Mommy, you must believe,
"That is not something done by me."

"If not you, who could it be?"
The answer always is,
"Not Me."

Not Me, Not Me, what a naughty child,
so destructive and so wild.
But I tell you, he is clever
I have never seen him, never.

I might rethink my spanking stance,
And get him on the seat of his pants.
If I could catch him in the act,
I'd give his bottom several whacks.

But really I wish
That he'd just go.
And take his sidekick,
Ida Know.

22 Comments:

Blogger Jody said...

Bravo!!!!!! Love it!

Thanks for giving me a smile this morning!!

12:26 PM  
Blogger novaks8 said...

He lives at your house too?
For years i have said "when I catch that kid NOT ME I will spank him good"

But
I bet years (many) from now when things are tidy and very lonely, i will wish for NOT ME to come around!

:)

12:32 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

LOL! I love it!

1:57 PM  
Blogger angie said...

Great work! Love it!!

I must tell you that your son in the picture with the Green Bay Packers shirt has the cutest look on his face! He's a keeper!

3:28 PM  
Blogger Jane_hates_Dick said...

Brilliant! I think your kid visits my house on a regular basis.

4:32 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

That was great. That kid lived in my house growing up. I know my mom was not happy with him.

Have a great day!

5:45 PM  
Blogger Mama26blessings said...

LOL!! I've actually got a few, I think!!
Just thought I'd come out of lurkdom and say Hello. I'm sorry for all the blog hassles you've had lately. I went through a very similar issue not so long ago as well. You may find this helpful:
www.sitemeter.com
Since I've had that on my blog, I haven't had an issue. It takes all the 'fun' out of this anonymous bunk for the trolls!!! BTW, I love all your posts, we share similar family life!!
Thank you for the giggle each time I read, and simply for the reality that I'm not just a loon with TOK!!
God Bless you and your family!!

7:35 PM  
Blogger harvestmoon said...

SiteMeter is really easy to insert into Blogger - just stick it in the template - and I also wanted to say that I really love your poem - so much that I posted it on MY blog. No, I mean I LINKED to it on my blog. No, I mean I wrote that YOU wrote a poem that I liked.

Whatever I did, I did NOT copy your poem on my blog. Uhuh. No way. Not me.

Oh, nice poem. I got me one of those...

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This kid lives in my house to lol. I get 7 NOT me!!!! in unison.

9:26 AM  
Blogger Angelize said...

Thats funny. At our house its the cat that leaves the gallon of milk on the kitchen table, leaves the towels and clothes all over the floor, and numerous other nasty things. We keep him cos at least he is a good mouser. If not for that, he would be out the door!

9:34 PM  
Anonymous chuck said...

I actually stole this and reposted it. but then with our 6 I figure I have 4-5 of them

12:31 PM  
Blogger elian said...

Thanks for your wonderful blog. I found your site from another homeschooling Mom's site. I love your humor. Keep up the great work!

2:08 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

LOL! That is a wonderful poem. I love your writing generally but I promise not to "steal" it!

2:49 PM  
Blogger Laurel said...

Doctor Seuss had best beware--
For competition's lurking there..
Could it be a fox? A Mouse?
Or maybe Sam I Am and spouse?
Oh, no, it clearly not you louse!
It's Chris the mom in the
Big Yellow House!!

Amidst the "end of year" absence from the blog world, you are the one I miss the most!!
Laurel

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

Wow! I thought Not Me lived at our house. I didn't realize it was such a common name. ;)

1:18 PM  
Anonymous Donyale said...

He lives in Australia too!!!

6:37 PM  
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