Breeder of Discontent

For years we did not have a television. About a year ago we bought one.

Now suddenly I realize how inadequate I am. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. Not cool enough. Not fashionable enough. My hair is not shiny and bouncy enough. My boobs not perky enough.

My house is not decorated and accessorized nicely enough. Unless, you are a toddler, then it is decorating nirvana.

I realize on a deeper level that it is all an illusion. There is no such thing as "perfection", as evidenced by movie stars and their never ending plastic surgery. But I do feel much better about myself the less television that I watch.

What about that housewife show? In all fairness, I have never watched the show, but I gather it is about a neighborhood of housewives, and I have seen photos of the cast. I am a housewife. I know lots of housewives. I don't think I know any that look and dress like the women on that show. And I certainly don't know of an entire neighborhood of them. I am shuddering at the thought of having to live in a neighborhood like that and being forever cast as the inadequate frumpy wife.

Which brings me to another rant. I am a small boned person. I generally wear the smallest size clothing a store has to offer. But when I shop at Old Navy I have to buy size medium or large shirts. Why? Who is their target dressing audience? Ten year old boys? because I think that is who the smallest sized clothing would fit. I mentioned this to a friend recently and she said she doesn't even venture in to that store. A world where I wear a size large is not a world she wants to visit. Me either, for that matter.

Unless, perhaps, the shirts are supposed to be worn as a second skin, which they just might be considering how fashion ignorant I am. Is that an attractive look? I could save a lot of money and just go around topless.

And maybe bottomless too, since I am so sick and tired of those low waisted pants that slip down my hips everytime I exhale. Call me crazy, but I honestly don't think that a 36 yr old woman walking around hiking up her jeans every few steps, is an attractive look.

I am thinking of boycotting that store, at least for grown-up clothes. My husband has already made fun of all the men's clothing they have to offer. The last time we were in there he picked up a jacket and asked me what I thought of it. I had to tell him that it might be cool if you were 18, but on a 40 yr old man, I am afraid it resembles a Members Only jacket or something you'd find at JC Penny's.

The children's clothing is okay, if you find things on the clearance rack and it seems almost like they are paying you to take it away. I do hate it though when I buy something and then two weeks later it is almost free. And I wonder about the business strategy of running the clothing through the store so quickly. I refuse to buy things at Old Navy that are full price, just on principle. I would hazard a guess that I amnot the only one.

And why is it that the shorts for boys are getting really long. One of my sons asked me if they were capris. Is it that they need to put all the extra fabric somewhere, from shortening the girls shorts to basically underwear length? But the rant about clothing manufacturers making little girls into street walkers will have to wait for another day.

Then, when I thought all hope was lost, I went into the Gymboree store that just opened near us. My 2 yr old daughter and I both gasped when we entered. And she ran inside and started gathering everything she could in her little arms screaming "pretty! pretty!" Who could argue with that? She got some new clothes, a new dress, shoes, and a pocketbook. I am not sure why a 2 yr old needs a pocketbook, but she wanted it and it matched the dress and shoes perfectly. I know how special that is. Who am I to deny her?

Here is where I should probably wrap it all up and tie it all together. But I can't.

Usually, I would just rant away to fabulously patient husband, who likes play the role of the devil's advocate. We have some heated debates and can rant like together like no one else, which really is a great form of foreplay. And efficient, since we can do it with our clothes on and when the children are awake.

But he is away for 4 days flyfishing in Wisconsin, with his best friend. Conveniently, for him, without cell phone reception. It sounds like pure torture to me, hiking through the woods to the river carrying a bunch of crap, fighting off mosquitos, trying not to fall into the water and drown or get hypothermia, sleeping in flea bitten motels. And pointless, since they don't keep the fish. He keeps hoping that one day I will pick up his hobby with the same enthusiasm as him. Not. going. to. happen.

Well, that's all I got here. Move along now folks.

Have a great weekend.