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Friday, December 24, 2004

He Sees You When You're Peeing...

Today I joined the ranks of overstressed parents everywhere and threatened to call Santa Claus and tell him to lighten his load and forget about stopping at this house.

Of course I live with wiseass children who are much smarter than I was at their ages. I would have been quaking in my tiny Mary-Janes at the prospect of Santa not coming to my house. But no, not my children.

My 8 yr old rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, I'm sure you know his phone number. I doubt he just gives it out to *everyone*. Just think how much he'd be bothered if it were listed in the phone book."

My 10 yr old said, "Why do you even need to call him. I thought you said he can see everything we are doing."

And I said, "Yes he can see everything you do. Santa knows who spread the entire tube of toothpaste all over the sink last night and who peed in the wastebasket. I just was going to call and remind him to put you on the right list, you know the list of children getting COAL"

My 5 yr old said, "You mean he can see us even in the bathroom?"

And then I began to stammer, because obviously I have not thought this through enough.

My 7 yr old said, "That is a little bit creepy. Why would Santa want to watch us in the bathroom?"

Never could I have envisioned this scenario before I had children.

And so now here I am wondering how the holidays got to be about threats, lies, and a peeping Tom.


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