notesfromthetrenchesIII

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Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Update On Many Things

Monday I had the building inspector out to our house to examine our screened in porch. He said that even though he can not determine what caused the joists to pull away from the beam, they should not have been merely nailed to the support beam. To him that is reason enough for the contractor to come back and fix it.

So he is sending him a letter telling him as much. I guess we will see what happens now.

Yesterday I had a prenatal check-up. Everything is going well. Managed to gain 5 pounds in the past 3 weeks... oh joy.

And on to Thanksgiving...

Today I am trying to scrounge up dress up clothes for the kids to wear to Thanksgiving dinner at my SIL's house. Not actual dress up clothes in the sense that my children mean, though I am thinking that might be really fun to have goblins, bees, cowboys and the like at the Thanksgiving table.

Dinner is always an interesting affair at her house, both because of the foods that will be served which bear no resemblance to their original forms and the conversations. All our vegetables will be cooked into unrecognizable oblivion, smothered in Velveeta, ritz crackers or some other not-really-a-food item, but that is nice because who really likes vegetables anyway.

Our cranberry sauce will still be shaped like the can, which is nice because we can use the can grooves as the markings to cut our cranberry sauce into perfect disk shapes. The gravy will come out of a can or jar, which is nice because it will contain artificial colors, flavors, and MSG, and I don't think we get enough of those in our diet regularly.

The turkey will have been cooked a really long time, but that is okay because if you only turn the oven up to 150 degrees it takes a long time to cook, and it really is nice because it is like playing Russian roulette... will we or will we not come down with salmonella, e-coli, or some other generic food poisoning from eating food improperly handled.

And the kids will eat in a separate room, which is nice because who wants to spend time with them while they are eating.

And then there are the engaging conversations to partake in. We will talk about homeschooling and how damaging it is, how kids need to go to school and socialize, and hear about the latest case where some "homeschooling" family abused their kids, ofcourse it will all be qualified with "well not that you are like this". But it is nice because I will be able to practice my deep breathing relaxation techniques and going to my happy place while I nod and smile and try not to say any one of the offensive things that are struggling to come out of my mouth.

If I am lucky someone might decide to quiz my children on something they think the kids should know. But if I am even luckier, my children will be too distracted by the huge television playing completely inappropriate tv shows the entire time we are there. But that is nice because I don't think my children are exposed to enough gratuitous sex and violence.

And we'll talk about how small and thin my baby is and how I really should have given her formula. And how I have hopefully come to my senses and will give the new baby formula and cereal from one month on.

And when the blood starts oozing out of my mouth from biting my tongue, that will mean it is time for pie! bought at the grocery store, with whipped cream on the top that comes out of a squirt can. Yum, pie! in it's hermetically sealed package ladened with preservatives.

And you want to know the scary thing about it? My family would probably be even more fun.

Anyone else have such fun-filled family times awaiting them tomorrow, or am I the only lucky one ;-)




12 Comments:

Blogger Lonster said...

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I just wanted to say thanks for the laughs. You're child rearing, tongue-biting, and house remodeling philosophies are much like mine, but your writing is far more entertaining. Good luck with the contractor and the in-laws. Tomorrow I'll be patiently listening to people explaining how the country is better off with Bush in office, and rejecting offers for leftover baby formula. Just for fun though, I might just let my tongue loose for a change. Happy Thanksgiving!

http://lonster.blogspot.com/

2:36 PM  
Blogger chel said...

Loved you post. Couldn't stop laughing. It's too much like my life, lol. Keep em coming.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Are your dh and mine related?

6:15 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Thanks for the laughs!!! Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!

6:43 PM  
Blogger Sherry said...

I found your blog rather entertaining today.
My tomorrow consists of lunch with my FIL's family. Which would be my husbands Great Aunt, and her siblings and such.
Conversation will consists a lot of the boys, and ages and names and such. And my SIL (my husbands brothers wife) found out she was pregnant, so I am sure that will come up, and her having a girl, that I dont have. And how her pregnancy will go, and a lot of people focused on that. But when I was pregnant, they must have forgot that I ever was due to some of those people showed no interest. Especially the couple that is expecting, but now want to be my friend, due to I have a lot of information that could be useful to them. But, will I share that information? I could go on and on, but will spare you the stories.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving..

10:13 PM  
Blogger Ash-bray Etty-hay said...

bwah! Yeah, I've had that Thanksgiving a few times myself.

11:48 PM  
Blogger thicket dweller said...

What's wrong with cranberry sauce in the shape of the can?

3:03 PM  
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