Soccer, Soccer, and More Soccer
Last night my two oldest sons had a soccer game, the first of four scheduled for this week, seems slightly excessive for 8 and 9 yr olds but ...whatever. Even more excessive is that the team we were playing against is 45 minutes away. Doesn't that seem just a bit far away? None of us parents can figure out exactly when the kids are supposed be eating dinner. The games start at 5:30, so it is too early to eat before and by the time you arrive home after the games, they are half crazed with hunger. Luckily we don't have to worry about fitting in the hour or so worth of homework that the school kids have.
My boys did really well. I was proud of them, especially my 8 yr old. Things come extremely easy for my 9yr old. He is very smart, extremely athletic, and quite cute looking. Personality wise he is tough (for lack of an another word that would be remotely nice ;-)), I am hoping that he is going through some sort of pre-puberty angst that will soon pass, but he has always been quite selfish and completely lacking in empathy. It is just that now it seems magnified. This is the same child who when we arrived home from Florida and I was UNPACKING THE VAN presented me with a tally sheet of money I *owed* him and wanted to know when I would being him to a store to spend it.
My 8 yr old, on the other hand, has all of the same wonderful qualities, but he suffers from ADHD and extreme anxiety. And yes, suffers is truly the right word. His anxiety can be debilitating for him at times, even on medication. When he feels anxious about things he rages, displacing his anger onto anyone who might be near by. It is difficult to parent him.
I was saying to my husband last night, that of all of our children I lose my patience with the 8 yr old the most. He, of all the children, would have reason to come back to us as an adult and tell us what crappy parents we were. But he won't do that. Underneath it all, he is a sweet caring person who forgives and moves on easily. On the other hand, my 9 yr old probably has a speadsheet he is already working on of all the trangressions he feels we have committed against him.
Anyway, last night my 8 yr old did awesome at the soccer game. He was playing a defensive position and he did a great job not letting the other team by him and getting the ball away from them. He didn't get upset once, which is a big deal for him.
After the game he ran over to me with a huge grin on his face. I could tell how pleased he was with himself.
I wanted to say Yes, your older brother might be the "star" of the team, running all over the field and scoring the winning goal, hi-fiving all his team mates, but your achievements in this game were no less spectacular. Not all achievements can be measured in such concrete terms as goals scored. Most things we accomplish in our lives are not met with thunderous applause and cheers, and often times no one else knows we are achieving anything but us.
But I didn't say any of that.
Instead I simply said, 'You are awesome.'
My boys did really well. I was proud of them, especially my 8 yr old. Things come extremely easy for my 9yr old. He is very smart, extremely athletic, and quite cute looking. Personality wise he is tough (for lack of an another word that would be remotely nice ;-)), I am hoping that he is going through some sort of pre-puberty angst that will soon pass, but he has always been quite selfish and completely lacking in empathy. It is just that now it seems magnified. This is the same child who when we arrived home from Florida and I was UNPACKING THE VAN presented me with a tally sheet of money I *owed* him and wanted to know when I would being him to a store to spend it.
My 8 yr old, on the other hand, has all of the same wonderful qualities, but he suffers from ADHD and extreme anxiety. And yes, suffers is truly the right word. His anxiety can be debilitating for him at times, even on medication. When he feels anxious about things he rages, displacing his anger onto anyone who might be near by. It is difficult to parent him.
I was saying to my husband last night, that of all of our children I lose my patience with the 8 yr old the most. He, of all the children, would have reason to come back to us as an adult and tell us what crappy parents we were. But he won't do that. Underneath it all, he is a sweet caring person who forgives and moves on easily. On the other hand, my 9 yr old probably has a speadsheet he is already working on of all the trangressions he feels we have committed against him.
Anyway, last night my 8 yr old did awesome at the soccer game. He was playing a defensive position and he did a great job not letting the other team by him and getting the ball away from them. He didn't get upset once, which is a big deal for him.
After the game he ran over to me with a huge grin on his face. I could tell how pleased he was with himself.
I wanted to say Yes, your older brother might be the "star" of the team, running all over the field and scoring the winning goal, hi-fiving all his team mates, but your achievements in this game were no less spectacular. Not all achievements can be measured in such concrete terms as goals scored. Most things we accomplish in our lives are not met with thunderous applause and cheers, and often times no one else knows we are achieving anything but us.
But I didn't say any of that.
Instead I simply said, 'You are awesome.'
5 Comments:
It always amazes me how they can come from the same gene pool and experience the same household and be so different. Congrats to 8yo. Now I'm off to deal with my current problem child.
What a beautiful post. Thank you!
Jody
Hi, I have a fairly new website that has been online for about 8 months. I looked at alot of websites that are in my area horse drawn farm equipment . So my wife and I thought since we love horses we should build a website around that. I didn;t realize it would be so time consuming though. But we love it and hope to improve and offer some of the best recourses and products available. Hence the search for content new products and information about what we have. If you decide to come and visit maybe you can offer some advice That would be great. If not well you have A great new year. We hope to soon start a new site for horse adoption and rescue. Hopefully in the spring.
Thank you for your BLOG.
Regards,
horse drawn farm equipment
I'd like to see more articles like this one. Do you know where I can find them?
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Children with ADHD
There is a perplexing state of affairs in today's society, there lies a strong correlation between the affluence of a society and the amount of disease that is present. There is also another correlation that troubles many a people and that is with affluence comes disease at an Earlier age.
Working with children and the parents of these children I often get asked the question, 'Why are Children with ADHD on the increase?'
The answer as you shall find is one that is both interesting and challenging.
Children of today are really no more different from the children of yesterday in terms of genetic makeup. However, if you examine the issue more closely you will tend to find that many children today have been given labels. For example, 'Oh, those are children with ADHD' or 'Those are the children who can't sit still.' Or 'That is the kid that always gets into trouble.'
These labels are not only destructive but also become a self fulfilling prophecy as it is repeated adnauseum.
So as a 21st century parent or a parent with a child with ADHD or a parent with children with ADHD, what knowledge framework do you need to equip yourself with to ensure your children live out their true potential?
Here is a quick reference list for thinking about ADHD
� ADHD is a source of great frustration because it is misunderstood
� ADHD medications are a great short term time buying device and should be avoided long term
� The above point goes for any sort of drug consumption. Think about it for a minute. Unless you have a biochemical deficiency in your body like Type 1 diabetes where your body fails to produce enough insulin or any at all, why would you take an external drug? A body that is in balance is totally healthy. It is only when the body is out of balance that dis-ease symptoms start to creep up.
� ADHD is a biochemical imbalance of the mind and body.
� The Head of Psychiatry in Harvard states that drugs for ADHD simply mask the effects of ADHD. It does not cure ADHD. This is an important point because a cure implies never to have to take the medication. This means that once you start on medication you will have to be on it for the rest of your life i.e. you have medically acquired a dependency for a biochemical imbalance. That is like stuffing all your rubbish (problematic behaviors) into a closet (medication) where no one can see it. But if you continue to stuff more rubbish into that closet, one day you will not have enough space and need to do one of two things. You either empty the rubbish (the natural conclusion) or you get a bigger closet (i.e. change to stronger medication to control the symptoms). The choice is obvious but sometimes when you don't have the necessary tools to deal with ADHD you tend to think the bigger closet is the only option.
� ADHD children are super sensitive to the emotions around them. Often they pick up emotional cues from their parents without realizing. Many parents come home frustrated or annoyed from work, the child with ADHD picks this up and starts to 'cause trouble' by becoming restless. Parents frustration increase because they just want some peace and quiet. They get angry which in turn is picked up by the child who then intensifies their activity. Things get way out of hand and some sort of punishment is handed down to the child who has no idea what just happened. The cycle repeats itself every so often.
� Our brains are wired emotionally. Positive praise is interpreted as an analytical/thinking exercise. Negative criticism including scolding, name calling, physical punishment all go directly to the emotional brain of children with ADHD. This means in order to ensure you get your message across in the most optimal way, you need to learn how to communicate with your ADHD children the way they like to be communicated with.
� Every negative comment requires 16 positive comments to neutralize the emotion. Save yourself the frustration and agitation by practicing positive communication.
The list is by no means complete. In dealing with children with ADHD there are a certain set of behavioural principles to follow. I will detail these steps in the coming weeks. I'll also build on the list as you continue to learn about what appears to be a mystical disorder known as 'Children with ADHD'
Hi, I was out blogging and found your site. It certainly got my attention and interest. I was looking for Clubs information and even though this isn't a perfect match I enjoyed your site. Thanks for the read!
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