It's Tough To Be One
My one year old is very vocal. She talks, talks, talks constantly. Unfortunately, most of what she says we can't understand. So, we nod at her a lot and narrate whatever we think she may be talking about. Sometimes I think we get it right, but then there are other times when she looks at us with utter contempt.
Tonight we had the following conversation:
Her: Wan ba-ba
Me: You want your bottle?
Her: Nooo. Wan ba-ba.
Me (checking again): You want your bottle?
Her: NOOOOO. Ba-ba!
Me: You want a water bottle?
Her: Nooooooo. ba-ba.
Me: You want your blanket?
Her: Nooooooooo. ba-ba.
Me: Barney?
Her: No
Me: (trying again) Bottle?
Her: (looking at me like I am the dumbest person in the world) NoooooNooooooNoooooo.
Me: Baseball? Do you want to play ball?
Her: (pausing briefly, giving me false hope) Nooooo.
At this point I was desperately trying to think of all words that had a "B" in them that she would know and would possibly want so desperately at that moment.
I threw all the words out to her and she began screaming No, No, No over and over and over again. All the while she was giving me a look like good God woman can't you understand anything I am saying.
I enlisted the help of the not-so-helpful others.
With them it was determined she did not want a bath, barbeque, brush, beanie baby, baseball bat, or baby.
No trip to Bermuda, Bahamas, Belgium, or Alabama, though the same cannot be said for the rest of us.
She did not want to listen to Bach, Beethoven, or the Beatles.
She didn't want a bug, bag, bb gun, billy goat, barnyard, or bubble gum.
No butterflies, Barbies, bean bag chairs, bagels, or baked beans.
And most definitely she did not want a bottle, and how dare we keep suggesting it to her.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity playing baby charades with a screaming baby. I spotted the fruit bowl.
Me: Banana?
Her: (frantically nodding her head) Shah-shah.
I gave her the banana and there was much rejoicing all around. The screeching had ended. Mostly we were all hoping that the blood oozing from our ears would now subside and our hearing loss restored.
I wiped away her little tears and was so happy that I was able to figure out what she wanted. She took one bite of her banana, looked at me with her big beautiful brown eyes and said, "All done"
Me: You've got to be kidding.
Tonight we had the following conversation:
Her: Wan ba-ba
Me: You want your bottle?
Her: Nooo. Wan ba-ba.
Me (checking again): You want your bottle?
Her: NOOOOO. Ba-ba!
Me: You want a water bottle?
Her: Nooooooo. ba-ba.
Me: You want your blanket?
Her: Nooooooooo. ba-ba.
Me: Barney?
Her: No
Me: (trying again) Bottle?
Her: (looking at me like I am the dumbest person in the world) NoooooNooooooNoooooo.
Me: Baseball? Do you want to play ball?
Her: (pausing briefly, giving me false hope) Nooooo.
At this point I was desperately trying to think of all words that had a "B" in them that she would know and would possibly want so desperately at that moment.
I threw all the words out to her and she began screaming No, No, No over and over and over again. All the while she was giving me a look like good God woman can't you understand anything I am saying.
I enlisted the help of the not-so-helpful others.
With them it was determined she did not want a bath, barbeque, brush, beanie baby, baseball bat, or baby.
No trip to Bermuda, Bahamas, Belgium, or Alabama, though the same cannot be said for the rest of us.
She did not want to listen to Bach, Beethoven, or the Beatles.
She didn't want a bug, bag, bb gun, billy goat, barnyard, or bubble gum.
No butterflies, Barbies, bean bag chairs, bagels, or baked beans.
And most definitely she did not want a bottle, and how dare we keep suggesting it to her.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity playing baby charades with a screaming baby. I spotted the fruit bowl.
Me: Banana?
Her: (frantically nodding her head) Shah-shah.
I gave her the banana and there was much rejoicing all around. The screeching had ended. Mostly we were all hoping that the blood oozing from our ears would now subside and our hearing loss restored.
I wiped away her little tears and was so happy that I was able to figure out what she wanted. She took one bite of her banana, looked at me with her big beautiful brown eyes and said, "All done"
Me: You've got to be kidding.
2 Comments:
Oh my! This entry had me laughing so hard I actually had TEARS in my eyes!!! Ah, the sweet, sweet joys of parenthood!!! ;-)
I know this feeling so well. Endless frustrating tantrums over one bite and you feel like feeding them nothing else until they've finished it because it was SO much effort! But well done for seeing the funny side - after 7 kids I think I'd probably shoot myself if this happened. I'm so glad I only have one! YOur writing is funny, witty and warm, everything I wanted tonight, thankyou.
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