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Thursday, March 09, 2006

If You Are Looking For Funny, Move Along

Yesterday I got a phone call from a long lost friend of the family. His mother had talked to my mother on the phone and was very concerned about her behavior. She seemed overly emotional crying about nothing and talking about her wedding next wedding. Which is all well and good except that she is already married.

She was crying to them and everyone else that she called that she needed me, she needed to talk to me, that if I would just call her she would be okay again. They thought she might have had a stroke. Though oddly enough going to the doctor or emergency room never entered anyone's mind.

I haven't spoken to my mother in seven years.

There are so many reasons, but it comes down to the fact that she is mentally ill and mean. And while I have moved on from all the things she inflicted upon me growing up, I am an adult now and there is no reason for me to allow her to have that hold over my emotional well being.

Even though I really didn't want to, I called her last night. I had been told all day long she was waiting for my call and was so frail and sad. I couldn't not call. The thought of doing that seemed cruel. Perhaps she had changed in the past few years.

I picked up the phone and dialed the phone number, the same number I have had for my entire childhood.


"Hi, It's Christine."


"Christine... your daughter."

"You are not my daughter. If you were my daughter you would be here. I only have one daughter. That is (name of step sister) and she is getting everything when I die. I want that to be clear. My daughter Christine is dead."

Then she hung up.

If I were smart I would have left it there. But somehow when parents are involved I think we all resort to playing the role of child. And as much as I steeled myself against getting hurt by her words, they still cut. A good reminder of how powerful and lasting the words of a parent can be, not one I will soon forget. Physical abuse heals, emotional abuse stays raw a lifetime. My husband often says that I am so thin skinned and my feelings get hurt way too easily. I think it is because there isn't much left intact on the inside. I'm just a raw bloody mess, things that other people would just brush off hurt me terribly.

My step sister, who was at the house, called me back. A party to the craziness. For two hours I listened to my mother. Listened to her instructing people to repeat her words verbatim. Things like "You are a jealous brat who ruined my life." "You will get nothing when I die." "You are dead to me." Alternating with her pleading for me to bring the grandbabies over for her wedding. A wedding that is going to be held at her house and will feature peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, as well a legal document for me to sign saying that I get nothing when she dies. How's that for a party favor? A wedding AND a disinheritance party, multi tasking craziness at it's finest.

I know I should feel more empathy. But when I found out she brought this dementia on herself by suddenly stopping all her medications, it was difficult to muster. It was the same old Ann, manipulating those around her, playing the role of victim, being abusive to me once again while people look on.

I want to tell her that I don't want any of her material possessions when she dies. A piece of jewelry or furniture does not make up for a lifetime. It's too late. Everything I wanted from her in the past she was unable, or unwilling, to give. And yet, at the same time, I find I can't say anything. I listen and take it all, acting like the ungrateful bitch I have been painted to be. And my saying that she needed to be brought to the emergency room and admitted to a psych ward did nothing to endear anyone to me.

Today I will be looking at my own children anew. Silently promising them that I will never inflict this sort of crap onto them. Every ounce of love I have to give, I will, with no strings attached. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I say things I regret. But as an adult I take ownership of those things. As an adult I can apologize for any hurt I ever cause my children.

I am drained.


Blogger sillypants said...

Oh my friend, what a completely awful situation.

I too, have parenting issues, and I wonder when and how they will errupt or end. I feel your pain and wish I could do something to ease it a bit.

Much love from Portland,


9:25 AM  
Blogger sillypants said...

Oh my friend, what a completely awful situation.

I too, have parenting issues, and I wonder when and how they will errupt or end. I feel your pain and wish I could do something to ease it a bit.

Much love from Portland,


9:25 AM  
Anonymous Danielle said...

So sorry you are going through this, Chris. I will be praying for you today.

9:27 AM  
Blogger CooksonMom said...

As someone estranged from a selfish father with whom I have not spoken to in over 12 years, I would like to say that you are incredibly strong and doing the right thing for your children by keeping her away from them. We are the only people who can protect our children from those we KNOW will harm them emotionally. You are a new person, a mother, and your strength will be an asset to your children when they are older.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Add a criminal record and there you have my mother as well. I haven't spoken to her in 12 years and I won't be. I have children of my own to love and protect and I can't do either of those things completely if she is in their lives. The line about you being so bloody and raw on the inside couldn't be a more accurate picture of what it's like to be grown and healed and have a nice little life of our own, but still have that wound hang around.

I'm so sorry. Honestly, walk away and don't look back. Hug your kids and know you are giving them a gift so precious they will never realize it.


9:38 AM  
Blogger moe said...

I had some very difficult times with my family also. I do not even want to think about the details, much less write them down. I can relate. I am so lucky my husband's family more than makes up for what is lacking in mine.

I can imagine all this garbage is filling up your mind and your heart today.

I know it is hard, but distancing yourself from the people who hurt you is the right thing to do. For you and your family.

You are so lucky to have a loving husband and so many kids. Immerse youself in their love.

All my best wishes to you.

9:40 AM  
Blogger TBG said...

I am always amazed at how parents can be so cruel to their children. I am so sorry your mom is so hurtful. You are an incredible woman to stand up for yourself and your children. As hurtful as she is you realize it and wont repeat the cycle.

May I ask where your dad is?

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Claudia said...

You're stopping the madness this generation by not being like your mom with your kids. That's something wonderful. My poor dad who was abused by his dad, who was probably abused by his dad, struggled with his anger all of his life. Here's to you and your new world!

10:14 AM  
Blogger Wicked Stepmom said...


10:19 AM  
Anonymous sarah said...

I too, can relate to a mother with mental illness (depression). However, my mother succumbed to hers when I was 14yrs old. The "raw and bloody part" is with me still and will never leave. My one aim in my life is to make sure that, regardless of what happens throughout our lives, my children absolutely without any doubt, know that I love them. A mother's love is a miracle gift and you don't realise how powerful it is until it's gone. Your kids know you love them. I'm sorry you're going through this.

10:21 AM  
Anonymous Colleen said...

I always hate to hear about the wounds careless words from a parent can inflict on a child. And you're absolutely right, when it comes to our parents, we are always reduced to children. I hope you realize how amazing you are to be raising your children with all the love and support that you are. You can rest assured that in your golden years, you'll be surrounded by children and grandchildren who adore you and your life will be so full.

Your children are lucky to have you, and those who would hurt you are the ones who are missing out.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

I am so sorry for your pain. I've been there as well, at a different level. It hurts.

The best we can do is learn from the pain and do our very best with our own children!

Hugs and blessings.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Tuesday Girl said...

Sounds like you, against all the odds, are a true Mother.

10:45 AM  
Blogger owlhaven said...

I'm sorry...

10:45 AM  
Blogger T. said...

I am sorry you are in pain. I too, have mother issues. And I am always the bad guy, no matter what. But life is too short, and your children's lives are better for not having that type of bitterness in it.

Take solace in your husband and your kids. Life is too short for that type of crap. I know.

10:50 AM  
Blogger cmhl said...

I'm sorry. she & the step sister sound like they are very toxic. you know you can make sure that never happens with your own children, but that doesn't make it less hurtful.

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Carolyn said...

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I also have my share of issues having dealt with my mother whom also suffered from a mental disorder. I could write a book on all the mess that I have gone through, but needless to say I don't want to go there. I just wanted to say how sorry I am and that I can relate to you in more ways than one. Your kids are definately better off not knowing her. My prayers are with you.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

I'm so sorry that there is such cruelty in the world and even sorrier that you were the object of it in this situation. A big, big hug for you...

11:11 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Shit-Chris this sucks.
So sorry you have had to deal with this.

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Tammy said...


I read your blog all the time. I don't usually take time to comment, but today I wanted to give you cyber ((((((((Hugs)))))))). I am so sorry for the hurts you have grown up with. From what I have read on your blog you seem like a wonderful mother. Which is amazing considering what you grew up with. It is a great thing that you are doing stopping the cycle of dysfunction and abuse for your children.

While I am here I also wanted to say that you are a terrific writer. I saw on your 40 by 40 that you are hoping to write a book, I can't wait to read it!!

Hope you have a blessed day!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Erika said...

I am so sorry. Thank you for stopping the cycle. That's the strongest, bravest thing to do, and most people can't.

11:25 AM  
Anonymous B said...


11:35 AM  
Blogger amanda said...

Your post really hit home for me. I'm so, so sorry that you have to deal with this. Good luck. Many of us are thinking of you.

11:39 AM  
Blogger kalisah said...

I could have written this post.

The only difference is, my mother isn't in full-blown dementia. She's just sick and twisted and doesn't realize she's brought all this on herself.

My husband has been very supportive - he's much more grounded & able to handle her. When he set down the law that My Kid isn't allowed to be around my mother, it devasted me. But he's right. I can't have her fucking him up like she did me.

Anyway, hang in there. For me, it's better just to stay away. I can't change her and I have to protect my own sanity and that of my family. Do what you have to do, and don't feel guilty about it.

11:41 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

Chris I read you every day because you give me an insight into the life in a big family. Something I have heard about my whole life, from my dad, but never really experienced myself.
you are witty, you make me laugh.

Today you told my story. I am estranged from my mother. The story is long, the mental illness is untreated. etc. etc. etc.

I applaud you letting us a see a darker side of your life. I applaud you realizing some relationships, no matter what anyone says, are just not worth it.
This is where I stand with my mother. Her pain and control and martyrdom are not worth having a mother.

Thanks. I've tears in my eyes. But its just the bittersweetness of it all.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Annika said...

Oh, Chris, how awful. I'm so sorry.

11:45 AM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Chris, I'm so sorry. That is a terrible situation. Your suggestion that she go to an emergency room and be admitted to a psych ward is the only kind and fair thing to say. It is the only rational thing. Everyone else standing around supporting the craziness is NOT doing her any favors, just harming her more.

I hate that you grew up with this. Now I know where you get your fountain of love and kindness and patience with your children. You've turned this around for them.

Much love from me too.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

i'm sorry chris. you seem a lot tougher than you'll let yourself believe.

hang in there. we are all with you.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From TorontoJen
I am a long time reader but have never posted a comment until today. I am very sorry that you are without a loving mother. My husband's mother has mental illness and I always think that he would be a great father because of all the suffering he had as a child. Reading your post confirmed what I have always suspected - you are a wonderful mother and your children are lucky to have you as their blueprint for parenting.

12:00 PM  
Blogger Janet said...


You did the correct thing when you separated yourself from your toxic mother. You did a compassionate thing yesterday when you called her and put yourself through all that BS. Now you should hold your head high and shut the door to her and her craziness.

I admire you so much!

12:22 PM  
Blogger Menjiness said...

I really believe I could have written your post. I have not talked to my mom in 13 years. It is the best thing I have eer done. About 2 years ago I contacted her via email. I was send back into a tizzy of things all over again.

I am so sorry for al that you have to face. I completely understand. Bless you for realizing that you too can remove yourself form her shackles and lve to tell another day about it.

Prayers, Menjiness

12:29 PM  
Blogger 4 girls and 3 boys said...

My mothre is similar - untreated mental illness, bitterness, twisted manipulation of people who are gullible enough not to realise, playing the wronged grandmother to family but sends me nasty letters making sure I will never let her near my children again. She even send a death announcement of my aunt in my dd's birthday card this week. I hav ehad no contact for 18 months and never will again. Periodicaly pepel phone and plead with me to phone her but I won't. I won't paly her games. I feel for you Chris. Your mother sounds like mine. I to promised to myself I would never inflict that stuff on my own kids.

12:33 PM  
Anonymous Whinger said...

Oh goodness.
You have my complete empathy, and thank you for sharing this.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I'm so sorry Chris. You are a wonderful loving mom, I only wish you could have that same support from your own mother.

1:05 PM  
Blogger O_Scientist said...

{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Nothing i can say will make this better, but I want to tell you I am thinking of you and wishing that things would have been different for the little girl you were, and the woman you are now.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Dana Glover said...

Thank you for sharing. You are an amazing Mom. Nothing will ever make up for the pain your mother has inflicted on you ---- BUT you are a winner because of how you have handled yourself and your children. Best wishes and God Bless!

2:11 PM  
Blogger S2Momma said...

I have no idea what that must feel like. I can only imagine but it's almost too painful to think about...and yet you've lived through it. And not just survived it, but thrived in spite of it. Be proud of yourself. And try your best to put her out of your mind and heart forever. I don't think I could make that call again. Ever.

2:15 PM  
Anonymous HolyMama! said...

oh i'm so sorry. You did NOT deserve that. I really, really hope you know that. (and you're totally allowed to not be funny whenever you want. life is not always funny.)

2:18 PM  
Blogger Jody said...

Oh, Chris! I am so sorry! I want to hug the little girl you and protect her.

I pray that your new wounds and old wounds will heal.

I have had issues with my own mother. Like you said, the consolation is that our children will never, ever have to suffer that kind of abuse.

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) my friend.

2:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was so sorry to read this about your relationship with your mother. I will never understand how a mother can be capable of saying such horrible things to her children. My own mother always had a keen way of telling us 8 kids how to "handle" people when they behave rotten to the core, and she often told us that "You cannot help someone who cannot HELP themselves." Leave the bad stuff behind, you have 7 great kids to focus on. Keep your sense of humor and it will keep you sane.

(One of Eight)

2:29 PM  
Blogger harvestmoon said...

Jody stole my words. I just want to hug you and fill you with the love you'll never get from her.

It is so unfair. Why is it that even though they are so caustic we still want them to love us? The neverending question.

I'm so sorry for the hurt she caused and is still causing. I wish you had a loving mommy; someone you could lean on and depend on; someone to echo the love in spades that you put out. It simply isn't fair.

It is a testament to your strength that you are breaking the cycle of abuse. That you are filling your children with love and acceptance and happiness that you never had.

It would be so much easier if you could simply snip, cut her out of your life. Unfortunately, she is your mother. And simply due to that biological fact, there is a void.

I'm so very sorry. I wish I could magic the hurt away.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Steph said...


Bless your heart. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

More (((((HUGS)))))

2:40 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

Nobody deserves to be treated like that. The things people do to their kids are horrible. I'm so sorry. I hope you know there are people out here in this crazy internet world pulling for you. And you being as wonderful with your kids as you are stops the cycle. Won't make it easier today, but it is there. Hope yomorrow is a better day for you.

2:50 PM  
Blogger InterstellarLass said...

I'm so sorry you had to listen to all that garbage. Mental illness isn't funny, and it destroys more than the person who suffers from it.

You are a better parent for her having not been a good one. Your kids will reap the benefits of it. I'm sorry to had to experience that pain, but you know the truth.

3:20 PM  
Anonymous Mel said...

My friend told me a perfect analogy: If you put money into a Coke machine, don't be surprised when you do not get a Pepsi.

Oh, how we want people to change.

But, usually they don't.

I am so sorry. But the joy you have in your children! And the blessing they have in you!

3:43 PM  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

Total suckage. I've also dealt with an intermittently crazy/unreasonable parent, although not to that degree. Still, it is strange the way we play the child again at times. Remember to be good to YOU. Hug your kids one more time, have them tell you some jokes. You're an awesome mom. To have become such after the kind of mothering you received is a tremendous achievement. Big hugs!!

4:23 PM  
Anonymous shannon from rocks in my dryer said...

Oh, I'm sorry. We deal with very similar issues with Hubs' father, and it's so very painful. Wishing you peace--

4:23 PM  
Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

Sunshine, you know I feel your pain. I am so sorry you have this on your shoulders. You can't help but want to defend yourself from all the horrible descriptions of yourself, but they only resort to those descriptions when you choose not to have that kind of negativity in your life. What's worse, you know? It sucks being misjudged and hated by anyone, but your own family? Just always think that you will never perpetuate any of this, that even though it hurts it is a decision that is good for you, and that outside of your amazing and loving family, you have a blogger family that is always, always here when you need anything. Hugs, sister. My heart is with you. If you need to talk, you know where to get me, okay?

5:09 PM  
Blogger thicket dweller said...

Chris, this is almost exactly the type of relationship I had with my mother, except there was no step-sister. She befriended my friends and wondered aloud why I couldn't be like them, told me that I was no longer her daughter (repeatedly) and had those around her convinced that I was terrible.

Two years ago in October, I accidentally discovered that she had passed away. I wrote about it here: . It was a huge shock to me. I'd always wondered what would happen on the day I found that she was gone, after many years of estrangement, and I had dreaded it. But somehow, after the grief, after the despair of losing the mother I never really had, I began to find healing. It's sad to say, but I don't think that healing ever would have come while she was on this earth.

You're in my prayers. Living without a mom is painful beyond description, and, daily, I think about how unfair it is. The only thing that comforts me is that I have my own family. My mother, however, never had such comfort. What a pity. Mothers like ours have no idea what they're missing.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

I don't know if you read down this many comments but I had to tell you what you posted could have been a post in my blog. My mom has mental issues and as a result is physically ill as well. This summer I had the "pleasure" of having her committed to a mental ward against her will and then put her in assisted living for 2 months. Since then she has decided I am the evil one in the family and I haven't heard from her since.

All of that to say, I TOTALLY understand what you are going through. Protect your babies, they are so important.

6:06 PM  
Anonymous Donna said...

I can totally understand why you took so long to call her. And judging from the outcome, too bad you did. Take solace in knowing that you are nothing like her and your children will never know the hurt you have endured. I look forward to a more "funny" entry from you, I love reading them. Take care!

6:43 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I am so sorry you had to go throught that then or now. You are turning a negative into a postitive by being the wonderful parent your Mother never was.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I can understand what you are going through even though some of our situations may have been different, the permanent effect left those same scars. The thing that helps me through some of it is realizing that thsoe things that were so terrible as a child has made me into the woman I am today. It has made me a better wife and mother. So I guess for that I am thankful. I know it is in your case too. A little bit of a silver lining on an otherwise black and cloudy day.

Big hugs to you and your family!

7:10 PM  
Blogger Guinness_Girl said...

I'm joining the crowd to send you my hugs, too!

I am the child of a woman whose mother was mentally abusive and crazy (my grandmother). I can tell you with complete confidence that my mom rose above that shit, and really is one of the best mothers out there. I'm sure your children will say the same of you one day.

You've obviously got a lot of people thinking about you today - just add me to the list.

Oh, and PS, thin-skinned? Pshaw.

7:28 PM  
Blogger The Green Family said...

I'm so sorry! I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

7:32 PM  
Blogger Ms. Mamma said...

Sometimes I think blogging is a refuge for so many things. It's funny, you say you're thin skinned, but I imagine you as one strong lady and this post is a shining example of the difference between mere blogging and great personal writing. Warm thoughts to you, Chris.

7:57 PM  
Blogger B said...

I'm so very sorry about your pain. It hurts so much. ~B

9:39 PM  
Blogger Melora said...

What a horrible situation. I'm so sorry for how cruel your mom & stepsister are to you, and also for the fact that you missed out on having the loving mother you deserved.

10:00 PM  
Anonymous tammie AKA TB said...

Chris: I am so very sorry, I don't know what else to say. Hugs your babies, you ARE mom of the year. Hell, I nominate you for a lifetime achievement award.
Thanks for posting, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

11:37 PM  
Blogger MamaGeph said...

My Grandad used to say, "You can choose your friends. You're stuck with your relatives." Truer words were never spoken.

Hang in there, Chris. You're in my prayers. Go have some ice cream.

11:46 PM  
Anonymous nabbalicious said...

Ugh, Chris. That is just awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.

12:25 AM  
Anonymous Bryanne Mayhew said...

Chris, I have no words other than you have my prayers, and my thanks for sharing your experiences with such courage, strength, and love. It is truly a service that you do to write so boldly so that others may know they are not alone.

1:47 AM  
Blogger LadySeduction said...

De Lurking to say it is absolutely OK for you NOT to be funny. It still is shocking to me how easily I get sucked back into things that have been the most painful lessons of my life.
Thank you for sharing this truth today, it was an honor to read about this part of your journey along with so much else that is joyful in your family.

2:11 AM  
Blogger Heather said...


By telling you I am sorry, wont make you feel any better. My hope is you can find the inner strength to get over her abuse. I too have a mother who is, well, I cant even describe her in a "word".

You are a wonderful mother. Tears are flowing right now, I can feel your pain, its seems its the same as mine. Its so hard when you have not only just a family member like this, but it cuts like a knife when it is your own mother.


8:20 AM  
Blogger Dot said...


My dh has family issues and I tell him, it is not what they say or do that matters, but what YOU do that does. Two wrongs don't make a right - so, if YOU are doing the right thing, THAT is what matters. Take comfort in knowing that YOU are doing the right thing. Not only for yourself, but for your children. My heart aches for what you have gone thru.

May the words of everyone here be band-aids for your insides and the hugs of your children keep them on forever.

Blessings, Dot

8:23 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

I am so sorry, Chris. I know how feel somewhat. My mother isn't crazy enough to tell me I don't get any inheritance, but my entire life she has labeled me as "ungrateful" and "selfish," and can't understand why my daughter is so sweet and cuddly. Well, I treat her as I want to be treated, that's how. The best gifts we can give our children, are compassion and understanding, even if we didn't receive these growing up.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Chickadee said...

I know you have received a lot of comments, but I had to tell you of my experiences and hope they help you.

My father is a paranoid schizophrenic who REFUSED to receive treatment. I withstood the emotional abuse, the chaotic, unpredictable behavior. My father said things to me that no parent should EVER say to a child. Things like I was a family wrecker, that I was going to hell, I wasn't good enough, etc.

When I was 15, my parents divorced, thank God. I have only talked to dad a handful of times. I just will not deal with the manipulation that accompanies his illness. It hurts too much. I will write him a cards, but nothing further. Will I ever call him again? I don't know, but for now, I know that I will not.

I still feel guilty, but I have dealt with the guilt over the years and I know that I love myself enough to know that I am taking care of myself in separating from a person who is unhealthy and will not take care of himself. This doesn't mean that I hate him (but I sure did for a LONG time) it just means that I am taking care of myself.

You are not alone.

8:57 AM  
Blogger aka_Meritt said...

It's interesting to see how many of us have 'parent issues'.

How did you manage to not see her or talk to her in 7 years though???????

Did you let her know you had the kids? How did you let her know? Mail her birth announcements? Do you invite her to the kids baptisms and things?

Also: What about Christmas and birthdays? Do you send cards?

*** I truly want to know *** as 2 years ago I realized my family was caustic and wanted to just let them go... but because of my kids I still find myself being the 'good child' and 'oldest daughter' and sending a Christmas gift, cards, etc. When in reality I just want to move away and NOT GIVE THEM OUR ADDRESS OR PHONE!!!

9:25 AM  
Anonymous Sue Belrose said...


From storms, come rainbows and sunshine.

YOU are the rainbow and the sunshine.

Your children are, indeed, fortunate to have you, to be yours.

You have taken the high road. It may be rocky, scary and seem daunting. I have no doubt the summit is yours.

You did the right thing, the only thing you should and could do.

Now, enjoy those those kids, your husband and the love you share for each other and don't look back.


1:36 AM  
Blogger parrotheadmom said...

sorry to hear about your situation and your pain...every family usually has one like it...sorry it had to be your mom.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

Hi Chris:

I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I often feel sorry for myself because my mother died 11 years ago, before I had children. Today, I'm thanking my lucky stars for all of the beautiful memories she left me with. I think it would be more painful to have a mother alive who treated a child a cruelly as yours is treating you. You are strong and beautiful and obviously loved so much by your children. Thank you for overcoming your childhood and populating the planet with kind and loving souls.

6:25 PM  
Anonymous Sheryl said...

Wow! That is so hard. I think you are amazing to do such a good job of mothering, when you had no one to teach you. Hugs to you.

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Coming in late to add nothing new, only to say, been there, done (doing) that. Growing up with a mother with untreated mental illness leaves lovely deep scars that can really f*ck (ehem, pardon my French) the rest of your life up. I thought 9,000 miles might do the trick, but it's suprising how far-reaching the effects of such behaviour really are....

T in Heidelberg

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Linda said...

Add me to the list - been there and still doing it too!.... you're not alone... thinking of you

11:22 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I'm sorry I'm late stupid as it might sound, I just wanted to offer you a hug. I really wish you strength to get through all of this, and I'm sorry you were treated badly. You're a great mom and even though you may be very sensitive (I am too!) I think you are being very courageous in even communicating with her.

9:06 AM  
Blogger gunesvara said...

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11:03 PM  

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