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Monday, February 27, 2006

Random Thoughts From A Weekend

I went to the bridal shower on Saturday for my niece, where there was no nudity involved. At least none of which I was aware.

I realized at the party that I am thankful I have no female friends close enough that I would ever have to throw a party like this for them. I would totally suck at this type of thing. Games to play? I think I have expressed my feelings about games enough. It just wouldn't occur to me to buy a BRIDE bingo game or play a musical present game.

And then there was a trivia game about cake. I should have done better at it since I love cake. But it was a deceptively tricky game, deceptive because it was so easy and I was overthinking the entire thing. I thought those sorts of things ended once your kids hit second grade. But I guess not.

It would never have even entered my mind to buy helium balloons to decorate with, for the same reason. And don't even get me started on the adorable little mint container party favors that her friend made by herself. I would be a failure at this sort of thing, and everyone should be thankful that I am not their best friend also.

But now, if I ever make a friend and have to throw her a bridal shower, I am ready. Though I think I will do things my own way. Much more alcohol consumption would be required.

Pin The Penis On The Groom- a variation of the pin the tail on the donkey game. Only instead of being blindfolded and having to spin around three times, you have to do three shots of tequila. This will render the blindfold unnecessary.

And serve pasta salad made from these,


which the directions say to cook until they are firm.

I am going to hand out random party favors like kazoos. Simply because I would think it was funny.


Quotes from the day:

i) Shortly after my niece asked me who some old woman was at the party that neither of us recognized. My niece was accosted by the woman and crushed into her overflowing uni-bosom.
My niece said to her, "Oh my goodness, I haven't seen you in so long."

Which prompted me to say, "It has been so long in fact, that I have no idea who the hell you are. Are you sure you are at the right party?" But she didn't hear me. All the old people there were slightly deaf, slightly senile, and slightly tipsy from their half glass of pink wine.

A fact that was never more apparent than during the game portion of the party, where I had plenty of time to ruminate on the fact that my children are made of the same genetic material.

ii) Then as it was time to leave, Rob's aunt asked me for a plastic bag. I told her I didn't have a plastic bag. Then she said, "Well can't you get one?"
Thinking she might be slightly confused I said, "I don't live here."
To which she responded, "Aren't you the help?"

No, but thank you for remembering me. I guess it is payback for not remembering the other aunt. Also, I am rethinking the outfit I chose to wear.

In keeping with the random theme:

I was wearing my new black leather high heeled boots, and thought they were very hott (with two t's such was their hottness) and then I fell off of them. One minute I was standing there and the next I just fell, almost like a strong gust of wind blew me over. You know if a gale force hurricane gust came blowing through the house. I hurt my knee and was hobbled. And the limping in the new black leather high heeled boots, so NOT hott.

This prompted my husband to ask yesterday, "Does your incessant complaining make your knee feel better?" With sympathy like that, how could it not.

The Bride To Be

The bride to be with my sister in law who refuses to be photographed. I am not sure I can adequately explain how annoying that is.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was the older lady a SHOWER CRASHER maybe?

too funny.

Did your little girl have fun?

Did she freak over the balloons like mine would have?

10:42 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

God, yes. Remind me to write about my balloon hatred another time.

11:01 AM  
Blogger Wicked Stepmom said...

Oh my ... shower games. HATE 'EM! My bridesmaids knew better than to do that for me. :)

LOVE, the penis pasta idea though!

11:30 AM  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

I'm sorta wondering what sort of parties have caterers dressed in black, high-heeled leather boots. Hmm. (And they do sound quite hott, and I am a tad envious.) :-)

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Ficklechick said...

I think the shower you would throw would be a blast!

I need that pasta for my Bunko night! I wonder how long it would take before the girls realized what they were eating? ;)

11:59 AM  
Blogger Earth Girl said...

I'm giving my niece a baby shower in two weeks and she feels about games like you do. So I made an effort to think of every tacky shower game there was to reassure her. She responded to "diaper a doll blindfolded" with "Diaper a Cat" and proceeded to demonstrate it unsuccessfully. And in response to my tacky theme (which I prefer to call kitsch) she suggested red jello molded in the shape of a womb with a baby doll in the center. BUT I didn't even consider the balloon angle. They always look nice with twisted crepe paper.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Darling said...

I kinda like games. But hey, a devorating tip I've found is fill ballons with helium and tie long colored streamers on them (do not tie them together) and let them float randomly from the ceiling. It's decorating made easy!

12:07 PM  
Blogger InterstellarLass said...

Oh wow! How funny! I mean not funny. Totally not funny that you hurt yourself and were confused with 'the help'.

Giggle at the pasta though!

12:07 PM  
Blogger moe said...

Ok, I think you really have figured out every man's ultimate fantasy...

Women in hott black leather boots (and nothing else) showering together and eating penis pasta.

Best way to fizzle that fantasy include the uni-bosom aunt.

12:12 PM  
Blogger a suburban housewife said...

I never thought I was much of a competitive person until I played my first round of bridal/baby shower games. What is it about those gatherings that bring out the olympian mentality?

As for the penis pasta...I don't even want to know how you found that one. Or if you know what it tastes like.

12:20 PM  
Blogger MamaGeph said...

Man I hated getting married, but I'd do it again if you'd throw the bridal shower. Sounds like you'd know how to do it right.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

OMG - you completely slay me.

I want to grow up and be as funny as you.

I'm totally going to order a CASE of Penis Pasta. Maybe two.

2:09 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

Man, just think of all the hits you're going to get now from including "penis pasta" in your post...

2:42 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

If you throw a shower like that, can I come? LOL

4:06 PM  
Blogger HangerMom said...

I think our husbands attended the same "how to offer sympathy to your wife" class. That cracked me up.

And shower games stink. Completely. My shower with family involved a game in which all my great aunts and relatives I didn't know well had to answer questions to show how much the know about me and how I met my husband. My mom was the only person who got more than 2 or 3 questions right. It was so sad.

4:22 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

We actually did play Pin the Penis on the Groom at my SIL's shower. As an added bonus, we had to draw and cut out the penis ourselves before the game. And yes, LOTS of alcohol was involved. The penis pasta would have been a nice touch!

5:07 PM  
Blogger Jody said...

The boot part, where you "fell off of them" had me roaring.

As did the penis pasta and the party crashing old woman.

5:30 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I went to a bridal shower Sat also, and it was the.longest.shower I have ever attended. The pair of ladies with the most food to bring came 1 1/2 hrs late and stayed 1 hour past the leaving of the bride. And I was on the clean up committee. I just about fell asleep in my little corner.

7:32 PM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Sounds like a good time. I love the lady that crashed your party. Too funny! Did your daughter wreak any havoc? No peeing on your boots? ; )

10:57 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

we had a toy party, and actually cooked the penis pasta! It was great! We also made name tags and finger sandwhiches in the shape of penises! seemed like a good idea at the time...ha ha

10:59 PM  
Blogger meredith said...

Your shower sounds like more fun! I can't believe that pasta really exists, sure is a change from alphabets.

5:25 AM  
Anonymous Erin said...

With parties like that, you can be my best friend any time. I'll just have to divorce my husband and get married again.
I thought you were the help too, all this time I was reading your blog.
When I was a child we had a dog that would sit in the middle of the road if there were balloons in the house. I guess she was trying to tell us that she would rather be dead then be near the freakin' balloons.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Hind's Feet said...

You really are a talented writer. If laughter is the best medicine, I shall have no further ailments in this lifetime.

I hate balloons too. I hate that some restaurants find it fitting to give them to my daughters without asking for my approval first.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Ms. Mamma said...

Funny! I despise "shower games". There are always those ladies who are so psyched for them and they pursue the challenge with such gusto I just want to hide in the kitchen and drink liters of Brandy Slushes. The boots are still hot mamma, don't worry! I biffed it on Saturday carrying Snowflake out to the car for the first time wearing my chunky funky stilt shoes(bruising my knee, big time) and then I thought DAMN, why didn't I just wear my practical Keens! I didn't learn my lesson because my vanity wills me to be taller! Penis Pasta, that would be great dish to serve to any daughter's would be suitor sometime. Ha!

10:23 PM  
Blogger thatgirl said...

OK,this whole post is great, but I cannot believe no one has stepped up with a "sing it, sista" about folks who refuse to be photographed. Oh my GOD but this is pretty much the most annoying characteristic anyone can have. Smile! Don't ruin it for everyone else because you need a kick in the self-esteem pants! Act like you're happy to be alive! It's just a fucking photo!

I'm sorry, was that harsh? :-/

12:51 PM  
Blogger mom tu-tu said...

I wonder if penis pasta would be appropriate for my sister-in-laws baby shower that I'm throwing? She is having a boy! LOL!

4:12 PM  
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Blogger YourSimplerLife said...

Sometimes funny games are the only thing you can do!

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