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Thursday, March 02, 2006

The New Snake-oil Peddlers

I get a lot of spam mail to my yahoo account.

The spam seems to come in cycles. It used to be lots of v*I*a*g*r*A, or ViiiiaGRRRRRA, V!AaaGr*A, or some variation there of consisting of errant capitalization and punctuation. They offer to sell it to me cheap and without a prescription, which I am not sure is what should be the deciding factor in buying a prescriptive drug of that nature. Personally, I prefer my medications not be made in someone's garage. Also, there is that pesky issue of me not having erect!le dy$function.

Then it moved on to mortgage refinancing offers. Amazingly, without even applying I have been approved for numerous mortgaagE offers at Lo%w rr@*tes. Sometimes I am not even sure what I am being sold and feel like I need a secret decoder ring to make out all of the asteriks, stars, explanation points. The lack of spelling skillz and grasp of the english language do not inspire any sort of confidence that I would like to have in a mortgage broker. I know my standards are high.

Yesterday's batch of emails, with a sent date of May 2005, promised that I had been approved for a mortgage of $420,000 with payments of $400 a month. But I had to act quickly as the raaatEs were going to increase. The only thing I can imagine is that you pay $400 for the first six months at which point a balloon payment of $720,000, once all the fees are factored in, is due immediately. Failure to pay immediately will bring over a bunch of goodfellas who will break the legs of your family and cut off the little finger of your spouse.

Today I got one promising me an erection of $teel guaranteed to make my partner happy.

Color me crazy, but somehow I don't think Rob would be happy if I had an erection of $teel.


Blogger aka_Meritt said...

They want to make my erections stronger and last longer too.

2 days ago they promised me 36 HOURS of 'lovin'. Thirty Six. HELLO? All I could think of was OUCH!!!!!!!

8:48 AM  
Blogger Renee said...

I used to get those erection emails all of the time. What IS it with that?

9:23 AM  
Blogger Dot said...

Only you could make spam mail and eeerrRRRekkkkTTTileeee dyyyyyyyssssfunkkkkkkkkssshhhoonn sound so funny!!!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Miss Peach said...

My question is, do these EVER work? Is anyone really making money from them?

Hilarious post Chris!

10:23 AM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

My recent scourge of emails have to do with "S@d that your D!CK is small?" Well, umm, not really, but I could see how someone would be.

I've gotten about 35 of those in the last two days. Someone must have spread a nasty rumor about me.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Rachelle said...

LOL! Gotta love the spam. Apparently I need HOODIA which is Oprah approved because I keep getting a ton of those. Now if I only knew what Hoodia is.

12:23 PM  
Blogger cmhl said...

HA! oh I know, my spammers seem to think I have serious issues with my love life. hahahahah.

12:57 PM  
Blogger a suburban housewife said...

Don't you know you can get a secret decoder ring from Ovaltine? Or am I the only one who watches "A Christmas Story" about 17 times each year?

1:18 PM  
Blogger Libragirl said...

Do you think anyone actually clicks on them and believes it. I don't get it.

I changed to gmail...NO MORE SPAM

6:38 PM  
Anonymous HolyMama! said...

yep, i'm sick of the offers to make my 'thang' of greater proportions. I wonder if men really click these things...?

10:54 PM  
Blogger lipstickface said...

My husband always points out how those spams promise FAST erections. Why so fast he asks? Like in 0-erect in half a second? what good does that do when you really thing about it. So in case youre in a big hurry?
I get mail from SPERMAMAX and I am really sorry to be so gross - but I just have to tell you their mail is the worst - says things like fill your house AND your neighborhood with your sperm.
how gross is that? why would that be a selling point?

3:58 PM  
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10:12 AM  

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