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Friday, June 17, 2005

So I Married A Lunatic

Sometimes I think the phone changes words, adding to voices inflections that don't exist and putting meaning behind words that was never intended.

He says: The weather is great here. It's so nice and peaceful.

I hear: I don't have to listen to your whining and complaining, and I don't have to listen to those loud children or crying baby either.

He says:The hotel is nice. It is right on the beach. When you are on the balcony, you can see miles and miles of beach line.

I hear: I am standing outside on the balcony, with my binoculars, oogling women jogging down the beach... topless.

He says: I went out to this fabulous restaurant with some co workers. The food was incredible.

I hear: I am so glad I don't have to eat your cooking. No matter how many ways you prepare chicken, woman, it is still chicken. I get to eat with interesting fun people who have interesting fun things to talk about, not silly baby stories or stories about online friends I have never met. And they are not wearing what is essentially pajamas, pretending it is real clothing. Nor do they have spit up all over their shoulder.

He says: Then we are going to go out for a few drinks.

I hear: Then I am going to get drunk so I can dull the pain of my life with you and talk to attractive women who have probably brushed their hair in the past 24 hours. And these beautiful scantily clad women will think everything I say is so intensely interesting.

He says: Is something wrong? Are you having a bad day?

I hear: Good Lord, you ungrateful woman, what is your problem now?

He says: Blah blah blah

I hear: You suck. You suck. You suck.

Thank God he doesn't travel much anymore. I hate phone conversations.


Blogger joy madison said...

I'm sorry. I totally feel you though. I do the same thing. My dh used to travel all the time, and I'd always be so jealous when he'd be gone eating on an expense account and staying at nice hotels, and I'd be home with the stinky kids:) I hope you feel better soon. The phone sucks!

2:58 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

This ALWAYS happens to us. We are the biggest miscommunicatin' couple I know, and it's always about little stuff (e.g. "No, I said I DON'T WANT OLIVES ON OUR PIZZA! Didn't you HEAR me?").

6:44 AM  
Blogger MJ said...

I can relate ... shove that nasty self esteem monster back into the closet. Hang in there, he should be home soon and then claim "your time" .

8:24 AM  
Blogger MoMMY said...

Sounds like you're having a bad day. Hope he comes home soon. As for your opportunity... put down the vacuum and take it on. Now. I command it.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I did have to put the vacuum down. I took it apart and stared at the pieces, with no idea what I was actually looking for, put it back together and it still doesn't work. So now it is off to the repair shop this morning.

Can I tell you what my floors look like after several days of not vacuuming?

9:15 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

LOL, not laughing at you, laughing with you. That is why I hear "I don't care where we go for dinner." as "I'd rather not be seen with you, you have no interesting dinner conversation anyway but anything would be better than your cooking."

9:19 AM  
Blogger Jody said...

I think even "What are you going to do today" is a loaded weapon. I hear it as, "I hope you are going to accomplish something today and get off the freaking computer already".

He's in paradise, you are doing the routine at home. I can validate your feelings by saying I would feel the same way you are, 100%.

How is his father doing?

9:52 AM  
Blogger dazeymae said...

been there

Why is it that people who know each other so intimately cannot have a logical telephone conversation?
"I hear that tone in your voice"
"what tone"
"Well if you're going to snap at me, theres no use in talking to you"
"I don't know why I called"
"Me either, call me later.."
too funny

9:58 AM  
Blogger Lenise said...

My husband is usually silent on the phone as much as possible. It's a different breed of paranoia ("He's not SAYING anything. He must be MAD! Oh no!!"), but amounts to about the same thing. We would never have survived a long-distance relationship, that's for sure.

10:19 AM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

I hear you. Since the hubs is in Costa Rica we are talking on the phone all month and I keep hearing these secondary conversations taking place. Tee hee! I try to sound sane though, because I DO want him to actually come back!

10:26 AM  
Blogger rugdesigner said...

My DSL has been down for a couple of days and things have gone awry. I wish you were going to be here next weekend for our next girls night. We are all going to crash a party and take it over. Inebriated grandmothers on the loose...

Thank God for imperfections. That is what makes us unique! I wish I were there to sit with the kids so you could have at least a day for yourself. You are in need of some down time. Schedule some as soon as your husband returns and do it without apology! {{{Hugs}}}

11:23 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

Erich gets tired of me talking about people in the computer too. hehe. **hug** I hope he comes home soon. :)

11:43 AM  
Blogger novaks8 said...

My husband is the worst communicator in the world. (I am perfect of course)
He will say one thing and then later say he said something totally different. Thank goodness I have all these kids as witnesses!

Honestly, do you ever hire a sitter and take a couple hours for yourself?
I am lucky to have a 17 year old daughter who is willing to sit with the little girls once in a while.

......just realizing that she is leaving for college in a couple of months. YIKES

11:44 AM  
Blogger susie said...

My dh travels for a living and will be leaving on a bona fide vacation in Bosnia and Macedonia shortly. I can only being to imagine how the miscommunication will be. He's been gone almost two weeks and I think we've been in a fight since just before he left. ;(

11:51 AM  
Anonymous :) said...

what does dh mean????? somebody plese tell me!

12:25 PM  
Blogger lipstickface said...

i think it stands for dear husband. i think i know that cuz i read this blog waaaaaaayyy too much.

Im always the one travelling. And believe me, it sucks being in a hotel room alone. It's even worse when the location is beautiful and you have NO ONE to share it with. its like *sigh* what a waste.

And I cant think of anything worse than having to come up with small talk with strangers and business associates.

but thats just me, and Im the social one in the relationship.

Hang in there - it will all be okay. At least youre not fat. Nothing compounds insecurities as a wife than feeling overweight. Youre irresistable!

Who on earth did stay at home moms talk to all day before the internet?!

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good grief I have SO been there. Hrm actually it happnes to me when we are having a face to face conversation too sometimes! GAH!


3:14 PM  
Anonymous :) said...

Thanks! Now everything is much more clear!

4:06 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

He said it was so beautiful he wished I were there to see it with him, and I laughed. So not only am I a lunatic, I am mean too.

But he should be home in a few hours and luckily I was able to repair the vacuum long enough to do most of the downstairs. jody,I know you can relate to that one ;-)

10:20 PM  
Blogger Mandy said...

My husband and I have the same phone communication blocks. It sucks! I like the theory that there is something in the phone adding inflections and meanings that aren't there!

I am so not looking forward to this next year with him deployed. 12-15 months is a long time to obsess over inflection and choice of vocabulary with no body language to read.

4:01 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

I hate those kinds of calls, I do the same thing with the misunderstanding what he says.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

relationship book

9:24 PM  

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