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Thursday, May 26, 2005

You Say Tomato, And I Say It Correctly

A few weeks ago my sister in law called us.

Her: "I'm calling to tell you Daddy is having prostrate trouble."

Me: "Well, I'd have trouble laying face down on the floor if I were eighty years old too."

Her: "What?"

Me: "What, what?"

Her: "Am I missing something?"

Me: "I was just joking with you. You said prostrate."

Her:" Yes I know"

Me: "It's prostate. But nevermind, it obviously wasn't funny. What's wrong?"

She then proceeded to tell me that Rob's father had not been able to go to the bathroom for eight days. EIGHT DAYS!!! Good God man, what took you so long to realize there was a problem. After day one I would be whimpering in the doctor's office.

She brought him to the doctor on the eighth day and they had to give him a catheter and bag to wear until they can do surgery. It isn't cancer, thankfully, but his heart problems complicate any sort of surgery.

Despite my efforts, she continues to call it prostrate. And I continue to picture my father in law laying face down on the ground.


Last year a good friend of mine who was very pregnant called me.

Her: "I wanted to let you know I am having an aversion."

Me:" An aversion?"

Her: " Yes, an aversion. Tomorrow."

Me: "You're planning on having an aversion tomorrow?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "Planning ahead, huh. What are are you planning on having an aversion to?"

Her: "The baby, of course."

Me: "The baby? Do you mean a version?"

Her: "Yes, that's what I said."

Me: "No, you said an aversion."

Her: "Yes, I know."

Me: "I thought perhaps you had developed an intense dislike for the baby."

Her: "What?"

Me: "Never mind."

Then we proceeded to have a conversation about her "aversion". She kept calling it that, and I kept calling it a version. She is confident that she is correct. It is still that way a year later.

Every time she talks about her aversion with him when she was pregnant, I can't help but cringe and think she doesn't like her baby.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a co-worker who constantly does this sort of thing - "mute" point being a favorite (it actually in a roundabout way makes sense: if the point is moot, you may as well be silent about it). She also sees nothing wrong.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

This would be similar to the time my kids reported I had walking ammonia.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

Thanks for making me spit my Red Bull all over the monitor...

2:58 PM  
Blogger J said...

Oh yeah, well my gramma had very close veins and no one could tell her any different.

3:10 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

LOL!!! I am so with you! my mother-in-law constantly does this. Her famous ones are "flustrated" and "Pepsi-cola, Florida" But I like very close veins even more!

Keep 'em coming! These things make my day! :) (okay, would it be better if I just came right out and said I have no life?)

3:22 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

LOL!!! very close veins, I had to say it a few times before I got it.

3:51 PM  
Blogger Lammy said...

OH MY GOSH....thank you for saying that you had to say it over and over....I never woudda gottit!
I hate when people say "THESE ONES" or "THOSE ONES"... It's THESE or THOSE or THAT ONE! LOL
Definally a serious Coke-Spew Post!

4:47 PM  
Blogger Lammy said...

ooohhh how about when someone says "a stigmatism" as in
"I have a stigmatism"

4:48 PM  
Blogger lipstickface said...

I had this boss once who was stupid enough to hire his girlfriend, who then became my boss. She was so stupid she used use phrases incorrectly. Like: "well, 6 one way, 6 another"

instead of 6 one way, half a dozen another

5:26 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

Brent's mom says "frajita" instead of "fajita". This is just one of many, many mispronunciations she has. She calls Martin Scorcese "Martin Scorseekia". I can't think of any more right now, but we're going to her house this weekend, so I'll jot down any more I get from her. Indy seems ripe for mispronunciations...

5:32 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Oh, I thought of a pet peeve of mine that is loosely related. I hate when people say 'How come', instead of 'why'.

For example, "How come you weren't at the baseball game?"

6:23 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

I once knew a woman who called baby blankets Receeding blankets. I kept wanting to ask her what the baby was moving away from.

My favorites, though, would be those who say that they are being "pacific" as opposed to "specific" and those who are "axing" instead of "asking".

8:08 PM  
Blogger Ash-bray Etty-hay said...

An actual conversation from about half an hour ago today:

Other Dame: We just spent $40,000 on a truck this weekend.

Me: So did your husband just get his SRB? (note: this is an ultra-common military-family acronym for Selective Re-enlistment Bonus, meaning a few grand they give you for staying in the military, and folks commonly blow it on big-ticket items like this)

Other Dame: Yeah, it's a Tahoe, and it's blue!

(I'm going to assume she just misheard me and doesn't think SRB stands for sports-utility vehicle)

8:12 PM  
Blogger rugdesigner said...

I so needed this laugh! I love the very close veins, too. I've never heard that one!

You might get a kick out of my husband's experience today while trying to get a haircut. (It's a short post.)

Hope you are feeling better!

8:30 PM  
Blogger J said...

Granny also had a space maker put in later in life...I guess on account of the very close veins.

8:56 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

Oooo- I just remembered another one! My sister-in-law insists on calling an oscillating fan an "ovulating fan"! I cannot keep a straight face on that one!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Sleeping Mommy said...

Oh my god. These are hilarious. I wish I could come up with some, but am completely blank. I have nothing at this point that can compare to what you have posted and everyone else has commented on.


11:13 PM  
Anonymous Cindy said...

There are lots of folks near me who love their "duck tape". My oh my!

11:53 PM  
Blogger Field Trip Lady said...

I am totally with you on this one. I have stifled a laugh in favor of not causing humiliation many times.
A recent example: A friend with an 18 month old told me that her daughter was now into playing with "figurines" and that she thinks it's just great.
I had instant visions of collectible Hummels being tossed around by a toddler, while she went on to tell me how some boys she babysits had brought over their "figurines" and left them there, and sure enough, her daughter found them later and played with them for hours.
Still, I fought off mental pictures of these 2 boys playing with ceramic ballerinas as it dawned on me what she meant.
She probably said "figurines" about 8 times in this conversation before she said "I think that's what they're called: 'figurines.' You know what I mean"

"Uh, I think they're called 'action figures,'" I said, trying to appear nonchalant.
I later burst out laughing when relating the story to my husband. I'm sorry. I can only hold it in just so long.

2:25 AM  
Blogger Indigo said...

Oh boy, don't get me started. My mom is the queen of this!!! She says "southmore", as in "freshman, southmore, junior, senior". Hello!!! MOM, IT'S SOPHMORE!!!!!

10:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a friend that exercises on her "threadmill." Imagines of fast walking and sewing come to mind....:)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Urban Mama said...

that's hysterical. this happens to me a lot, and the other person NEVER gets it.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Donna said...

My 87 year-old Grandma has accrued a truckload of these habitual mistakes. The one that comes most quickly to mind is that she would NEVER live in a "Condaninium"

8:33 AM  
Anonymous kelly said...

thanks for (once again) making me laugh so hard I was crying. Yeah, I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't know you and still reads your blog anyways, but you make me laugh and I appreciate it. Thanks.

4:59 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Ha ha, very close veins! My mother-in-law has lots of these, but I can't think of any at the moment. My dad says Ganola oil instead of Canola.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Richpoo said...

Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you! I have a fantasy sports yahoo site/blog. It pretty much covers fantasy sports yahoo related stuff.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Erik Mann said...

great topic, keep up the great posts, MMA

10:31 PM  

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