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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I'm All About Sacrifice

Women talk all the time about how they gained weight by having children. The implication being that the act of being pregnant and giving birth has somehow made them gain weight. This is simply not true. Most of us mothers gain weight because of what happens after the children are born and the sacrifices we are forced to make for them.

Today I bought my children a box of Ho-Hos. My daughter had taken it off of the shelf and looked so cute clutching the box with all it's chocolatey goodness to her chest, that I just had to buy it. It was a treat for being so well behaved at the car dealer, while the van had it's emission testing done, and at the $100 store, a.k.a. Walmart.

I have said it before, but I really don't know why everyone talks about how inexpensive Wal-mart is. I have found that whatever item I go in there to buy ends up costing me $100 minimum. Today I only needed toilet paper. I think I got off cheap at $100.23. I swear I walk through the store and items just jump off the shelf and into my cart.

So in addition the toilet paper I bought new windshield wipers for Rob's car. Even though only one was broken I thought he would want them to match. I wouldn't care, but he is a man and they usually seem to care about that sort of stuff. I did find it strange that they are not sold in pairs. And then I reflected on the fact that in 19 years of driving I have never before purchased windshield wipers.

And I bought a Mr Clean Magic Mop... or something like that. It is a disposable cleaning pad on a pole, basically. I thought it would be great so the kids can clean their bathrooms themselves. Maybe it will encourage them to aim better. Please allow me my fantasy. As any mother knows you do not give boys a bucket of water and a mop, unless you want a flood and an even bigger mess. They were kind of excited about the Magic Mop, though one of my children lamented the fact that it wasn't electric. Oh yes, just what we need in this house something electric to mix with water, wouldn't that be magical?

But back to the Ho-Hos. They come 10 to a box. Some quick math figuring and my 10 yr old wanted to know what we were going to do with the extras. They were going eat 6 between them, which left four.

FOUR... left over Ho-Hos. A number which is not evenly divisible by six.

I further calculated the extent of the tantrums of the children who would not get "seconds". I checked my mental reserves. I thought about cutting them in half, but then there would still be one left over. Oh damn you Hostess brand snack cakes! I checked my mental fortitude again.

And so, in the interest of my children, I ate all four. Really, I was doing it for them.

Such are the sacrifices I am willing to endure for my children.


Blogger Melessa said...

Mmm...Ho Ho's! And you are absolutely right about the weight thing.

6:00 PM  
Blogger impromptu-mom said...

Yay! I'm not the only mom who practices "creative" math!

7:36 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Come on, don't you use the "here, I like you best, go out on the porch and eat this in secret" method. Of course, I am often the one out on the porch.

7:44 PM  
Blogger Meg said...


Also wanted to say thanks for the post(s) to
my site. You're a celebrity in our household. I was so jealous when Darren got a direct link! :)

Just kidding! But really - I think you just eat what want when you "have" to - today, in the interest of eating quickly so that Sophia could get her bottle in time for her to enjoy "Days of Our Lives" at the same time, I ate a quick lunch of nacho cheese and tortilla chips instead of the healthful fruit and tuna I had planned....

The sacrifices we make!

8:04 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

LOL!!! So that's what it's called huh? Sacrifice? Hmm.... I'll have to try calling it that the next time I have snack-cake guilt! ;)

12:50 AM  
Blogger The Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady said...

I too have made such "sacrifices" for my daughter, despite the fact that nearly everything we purchase is divisible by one. Such is the price of motherhood.

And if you have a problem with WalMart, I suggest you stay away from places like BJs and Costco. I routinely spend $200 or more when I go. Ouch!!

1:38 PM  
Blogger thicket dweller said...

Cut them in half? Your children? Or your mental reserves?


3:17 PM  
Anonymous Jordana said...

Such sacrifices you make! Truly you are a mother full of great love -- and lots of ho ho's. ;)

I can leave Wal-Mart for under $100, but Target...well, it is best that I never go in there unless I have money to burn. Curse them for their pretty, shiny, happy stuff.

5:27 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I was refering to my children, of course. Who would dishonor a HoHo by cutting it in half?!?

6:42 PM  
Blogger Blogster said...

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8:00 PM  

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