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Wednesday, October 05, 2005

And We'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun 'Til The Mommy Goes Crazy

Do you ever have one of those times when you wish you could just leave your body and float far far away?

I had just that experience today. Why you might ask?

I had to bring my van to the auto repair shop to have the annual emissions testing done. Today was the last day that I could have it done for $20, after today it would be $20 plus a $20 late fine. The fine would have been worth the price of my sanity.

If someone offered me $20 to sit in a crowded waiting room for an hour and a half with my wild children- why oh why did I feed them pop tarts in the van on the way over there- I would have laughed in their face, yet that is essentially what I did. yes I realize I could have gone and had my van inspected any time during the sixty previous days and avoided such a scene, but what can I say, other than, "shut-up. Just shut-up.".

The highlights of my day included:

A 4 yr old who kept (loudly) calling the man in waiting room with a long black coat, black hat, black pants, black shoes, and black shirt, Indiana Jones and questioning where he kept his whip. But it did give my 9 yr old the idea for a Halloween costume, and now I only have to sew him a faux leather jacket. Good Lord, I only agreed to sew it to make them stop talking about Indiana Jones in front of this poor man. (Personally I thought he looked more like Neo, from the Matrix, but the kids have not seen that movie.)

A 4 yr old who kept (loudly) commenting on the appearance of everyone in the waiting room, like gee that lady has big legs, doesn't she?

A 4 yr old and an 8 yr old who got into a knock down drag out brawl over a chair, though there were numerous other vacant chairs to sit on, especially since all the people were all scared off by the 4 yr olds running commentary... or maybe the 8 yr olds hacking cough and his refusal to cover his mouth.

A 6 yr old who questioned whether wearing earrings made a boy look more like a girl, in front of all the men who work in the car shop and all wear earrings.

A 6 yr old who licked, yes licked, the glass front door of this auto repair shop.

A 2 yr old who kept spinning the magazine rack so fast that all the magazines kept flying off of it across the room.

A baby who made a stinky stinky room clearing poop with the knowledge that I had left the diaper bag in the van which was at that point in the air and inaccessible. Okay, maybe the baby didn't really know I had left the clean diapers in the van, but he should have. He is nine months old afterall, hardly a newborn anymore.

A husband who calls me in the midst of this "fun" and says, just give it an hour or two and you'll find the humor in it.

I'm still waiting.


Anonymous natalie said...

oh i sympathize. i am bookmarking your blog. keep up the good work.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Jordana said...

One of my children would have been sure to lick something in the room too. I commiserate.

4:45 PM  
Blogger susie said...

We had this experience at the tire store on Monday. It was delightfully nice of the tire dude to fix one tire and THEN tell me that I needed two other tires. The second waiting time was when the 4 yo decided to see if she could flip off of the chairs while watching our car tires being moved all around.

mom4safe at livejournal

4:50 PM  
Anonymous Wendy said...

I woulda thunk they'd all have been glad to let you go first. Or, perhaps they were all glad to have something to keep them amused while they waited.

I see the humor in it, by the way. Sorry.

4:51 PM  
Blogger buffi said...

What is with the licking?? My 4 year old does that. Sooooo gross.

Even though you can't see the humor yet, thanks for sharing with us. Misery loves company, you know.

6:06 PM  
Anonymous Debbie said...

love your blog, you make me laugh frequently. i was always able to do stuff like that while the kids were in school or my hubby would have done it.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

You should move to Kentucky. No emissions testing here, no yearly car inspections. When I moved here from NC I couldn't believe it, but then realized THAT was why so many cars sputtered black smoke from their exhaust pipes.

Kentucky is a border state in SO many ways.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

You might not find the humor in it yet, but while I feel for you, I'm also laughing. It's nice to know that another mommy who loves her kids is also driven crazy by them!

9:49 AM  
Blogger dazeymae said...

done this
been there
bought the t-shirt
starred in the video

my kids are very well behaved most of the time. However, there is something about the waiting room of a car/auto place that 'flips the switch'. Can't figure it out. Doctor's office, fine. Picture appointment, fine. Place that smells of grease and tires...they go beeeeeeserkO!

This is my argument about not getting that car air freshener that has "new car smell"....oh no...that's what sets them off. I'm still shopping for "church on sunday morning" car freshener, that's a snoozer, right there I tell ya.

9:54 AM  
Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

Look on the bright side, at least he didn't lick Indiana Jones!

(I feel your pain; three kids is about two too many at a car shop for me)

10:00 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

silly old bear,

LOL! Yes, that is a good thing!

10:15 AM  
Blogger TBG said...

What a mess next time I would sacrafice the extra 20.

I cant even imagine how gross that door tasted when he licked it. Glad Indiana was helpful to someones costume. And of course the baby would poop when there were no diapers. He had to do his part in making you crazy as well.

10:19 AM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

Ok, the licking was gross, but the poopy diaper pushed me over the edge. Miles, tsk tsk.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Darren said...

Dear Chris,

Why are you so funny?


2:45 PM  
Blogger Deborah said...

I always try to find the humor in the odd events while they are happening. (Public licking being a prime example.) Because I know people are looking at my wild kids and judging their mother I always say, "Little boy where is your mother?" Maybe my kids will need counseling because I deny them in public...maybe people know I am lying...but it makes me feel better.

4:14 PM  
Blogger Connor Wilson said...

Every year my son Dylan and I have been building our Halloween animatronic display. This year we added 12 new figures and my wife had been making the clothes etc. but then I clued in that Halloween Costumes were the ideal solution - ya, ok I'm slow but...This year is really cool because we've done an HP Lovecraft display that I'm sure he'd appreciate but I'm not so sure he'd approve of this - The Necronomicon - Is it just me or is that just plain goofy ? Anyway, everybody is doing their own Haunted House thing now but hey - it's fun and if you've got kids I really suggest you try it yourself if you haven't already. It's a nice change from the usual Christmas Lights routine and a lot of scaaarrry fun. Happy Halloween everybody.

11:52 AM  
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