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Saturday, October 01, 2005

What's In A Name

My latest post is up over at dotmoms in which I write about my unresolved feelings I still have over the traditional "changing your name when you get married".

For the record, let me just say that I have no issues with women who change their names or women who chose not to. I don't think that changing your name implies a deeper commitment to your relationship, nor do I feel it compromises feminist ideals. What I wrote is strictly from a personal perspective.

I like tradition, I do. And that is why we have turkey every Thanksgiving.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

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10:47 PM  
Blogger eko said...

I'll go read straight away :) -- I NEVER have turkey on thanksgiving, but will serve it after when they're (organic) way cheap ;)

2:29 AM  
Blogger thatgirl said...

Ha! You funny.

I took my husband's name 'cause it sounded better. And it was spellable. Mine was not.

Of course, when I became a magazine writer I did that whole three-name thing with my byline in case the people I hated in high school ever googled me. Issues much?

Luckily I'm over that. :)

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've already changed my last name once - not for marriage, but because my father left us. I never knew his family, just my mom's. I changed it legally, but it's very symbolic to me. I did really well in college and (also) was planning for law school and I just thought that I didn't want to have all the good things I've done with someone who didn't want us. And if he found me, I didn't want him to extract ANY pride in what I've accomplished. He wasn't there. I like my last name now. It's very Scottish, and I'll probably drop my middle name and use Matt's and mine when we get married. It means a lot to me, and I want it to stick around.

This was a really great topic, Chris.

9:40 PM  
Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

My wife hyphenated her last name with mine when we were married, for various reasons.

Our kids all just have my last name.

And on thanksgiving? I always wanna have pizza, but everyone else makes me eat turkey. Once I had turkey pizza.

9:51 PM  
Blogger nabbalicious said...

I had originally planned to take my husband's last name and drop my maiden name, but couldn't do it. Then I thought I'd keep the maiden name as my middle name and lose the middle name, but I didn't want to do that, either. It all feels like part of me, and I didn't want to lose any of it.

So I now have two middle names and I tacked on my married name, which I go by officially.

11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a touchy topic for me. I changed my name after I got married (kept my maiden name as a middle name). I was a practicing lawyer at the time, but was only out 2 years. I used my maiden name in brackets for a few months, then dropped it altogether. My husband's name is much cooler than mine, which was a BIG part of my decision. Especially since I had children, I am very happy with my decision. I got a ton of flack from friends about it, though. It is a completely personal decision. As my partner's wife said to me, "You are just changing one man's name for another - what's the big deal?" :)

9:34 AM  
Anonymous irene said...

all my life I've been dreaming of getting married to change my name.

I don't know how I survived 23 years with that name.

11:50 AM  
Blogger MamaGeph said...

I was a total no-name-change person until a friend said the same thing: It's just trading one man's name for another. After some thought, I had to agree.

I wish I'd kept my maiden name for a second middle name, tho. I really liked it...

1:36 PM  
Blogger Janet said...

Heck ..... What about first names? After the kids came I was MOM. Now that we have grandchildren I have become GRANDMA. Get this..even my husband is calling me Grandma these days !!! What ever happened to honey or Babe? How did I become Grandma???

4:56 PM  
Blogger robiewankenobie said...

my husband and i combined last names. no hyphens. we just squished 'em together. it was a good decision. so much of marriage is combining your lives to form a new one. our new last name suits us very well.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was so happy to take my husband's name when we got married, having lived as a "Smith" for all the years previous. How boring a name is that, and not good associations coming from a hurtful childhood.

I know a few couples lately that have created their own, new last name when they got married. I think they looked for a meaning they liked and both changed their names to it. I wonder about a sense of roots with that and any future family, although I guess, some, like me, aren't looking to honor a family name....

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Check out my thanksgiving play related site at


2:03 AM  
Anonymous linda said...

I changed my name because I'd rather have my husband's name than my father's. It bothers me though that only men's names are deemed important enough by our society to pass on. It's not a patriarchal tradition that I am happy to take part in. I like the idea of my daughters and I (when they are old enough) creating a new surname for ourselves, and somehow combining that with my husband's name while we live together; the boys could take their father's name when they start their own families, and the girls mine (theirs.)

1:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am getting married in the Bahamas on 05/13/06. While I have selected my gown (see attached) I am torn about whether or not to wear a veil. While I had sort of envisioned my hair in a sexy, curly, half-up/down do with several decorative hair pins that compliment the broach on the strap of the dress, my bridesmaids are really suggesting a veil. The resort we are getting married at features several different wedding locations (1-garden, 1-pier, 2-beach) and a veil could get in the way, ie wet, sand filled, etc. But I guess the real question is are veils at a destination wedding really necessary? Thanks I got my Wedding Favors at Cheap Wedding Favor

2:45 PM  
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9:17 AM  

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