Tooth Fairy, Please Bring Small Bills
This morning I walked downstairs to find my 6 year old son already up and laying on the couch. His arms were crossed across his chest and he had had on "his angry face". I found myself getting annoyed at what I could only assume was going to be some sort of pre-coffee argument. As I got closer, though, I noticed his tear stained cheeks.
I glanced around the room. There in the corner was a ripped up envelope. The envelope he had lovingly decorated and put under his pillow last night in anticipation of the tooth fairy. Oh shit. I had completely forgotten... again. If there were some sort of parenting test I would totally fail in the tooth fairy section.
I picked up the envelope.
"The envelope is empty. Where is your tooth?"
"I. DON'T. KNOW."
"Was it in the envelope this morning when you opened it?" Where else it would be I haven't a clue, but I was playing along with the whole imaginary fairy thing.
"I. DON'T. KNOW"
"So, you haven't seen your tooth since last night when you placed it in the envelope?"
"I. DON'T. KNOW."
"Well, let me go upstairs to your room and look around." Yes, a reprieve. I can fix this.
I run upstairs to the bathroom where Rob is in the shower.
"Rob, you forgot the tooth fairy last night!" I hissed through the shower door. I like to spread the mommy guilt around whenever I get the chance. Why should I have to bear the burden alone? "Do you have any money?"
"Oh shit. I can't believe I forgot. Go check my wallet."
I open up his wallet. A $5 bill, a $10 bill, and a $20 bill. Guilt is an expensive thing. I grab the $5 bill and head back downstairs.
"Look what I found under your pillow! You didn't look very hard!" I said as I waved the bill around in the air.
"I didn't even see it! What a silly tooth fairy. She is always playing tricks on me. Wow, a $5 bill. I always wanted one of those!"
Who says money can't buy happiness. If only every problem was so easy to fix.
Now I just hope the tooth doesn't turn up somewhere and blow this entire charade out of the water.
I glanced around the room. There in the corner was a ripped up envelope. The envelope he had lovingly decorated and put under his pillow last night in anticipation of the tooth fairy. Oh shit. I had completely forgotten... again. If there were some sort of parenting test I would totally fail in the tooth fairy section.
I picked up the envelope.
"The envelope is empty. Where is your tooth?"
"I. DON'T. KNOW."
"Was it in the envelope this morning when you opened it?" Where else it would be I haven't a clue, but I was playing along with the whole imaginary fairy thing.
"I. DON'T. KNOW"
"So, you haven't seen your tooth since last night when you placed it in the envelope?"
"I. DON'T. KNOW."
"Well, let me go upstairs to your room and look around." Yes, a reprieve. I can fix this.
I run upstairs to the bathroom where Rob is in the shower.
"Rob, you forgot the tooth fairy last night!" I hissed through the shower door. I like to spread the mommy guilt around whenever I get the chance. Why should I have to bear the burden alone? "Do you have any money?"
"Oh shit. I can't believe I forgot. Go check my wallet."
I open up his wallet. A $5 bill, a $10 bill, and a $20 bill. Guilt is an expensive thing. I grab the $5 bill and head back downstairs.
"Look what I found under your pillow! You didn't look very hard!" I said as I waved the bill around in the air.
"I didn't even see it! What a silly tooth fairy. She is always playing tricks on me. Wow, a $5 bill. I always wanted one of those!"
Who says money can't buy happiness. If only every problem was so easy to fix.
Now I just hope the tooth doesn't turn up somewhere and blow this entire charade out of the water.
15 Comments:
Chris, just be glad your kids don't try to trick the tooth fairy. My twin brother and I once planned an elaborate ruse wherein we would leave vaguely tooth-shaped bits of dried white paint from our peeling windowsill under our pillow and awaken to find riches beyond our wildest dreams. Let me tell you, the disappointment of waking to paint chips in your hair is very, very deep.
You should have never introduced that stinkin fairy to your house. The fairy always forgets. Those tooth fairies. Well atleast it was resolved fast and simple, it only cost you $5, i mean the tooth fairy $5
How did the tooth fairy become such a big deal anyway? I remember a time when one of our kids lost a tooth after bedtime and just slipped it under the pillow without telling either of us it had fallen out. To reduce the emotional scar of that little oversight, the tooth fairy had to pay big the next night, which of course set a precedent that if you could sneak the tooth by the fairy for a day, you’d receive a lot more money when she finally did get her glittery little paws on it. How cynically enterprising of them.
Wow, that was an expensive tooth! I think I'm glad that mine never believed in the tooth fairy. Although we still did the tooth-under-the-pillow game. But we negotiated the amount, and if we forgot, then at least we could apologise.
Maybe if he finds the tooth you can say that the tooth fairy's tooth bag must have been full and the tooth fell out... maybe it's even someone elses tooth (although that is a bit gross)
Fear not! You are definitely not the only forgetful toothfairy!
We have been known to forget for 2 or three nights! Gee.. the toothfairy must be busy this week eh?
Got lucky this time.. the tooth fell out while my son was off with Grandma for the week!
EHHEHE.. except he has suposedly brought it home for the Ohio tooth fairy..
My husband has dis-allowed the tooth fairy from our house. (Won't even discuss letting her buy our children's cast-offs.) It seems he had some fairy-related childhood trauma. He really wanted to keep his tooth, but was lured by stories of riches. Upon awakening in the morning, he looked under his pillow to find absolutely. nothing. He is, to this day, peeved at "that damn fairy" for "stealing my tooth."
I forgot a few tmes and ran upstairs with money in my fist and put my hand under the pillow and pretended I had pulled it out. I don't think any of my kids really belived me as they had scoured the room but they smiled again.
Abby lost one front tooth one night and the other the next night. The tooth fairy managed to get it right the first night but totally spaced the second night. Abby went on a sleepover on night three so during that time the tooth fairy found a blank-inside card with a picture of the mouth of a smiling kid with a tooth missing and wrote a lovely note in purple gel pen about how busy she was the other night and how she had looked for the tooth at the sleepover but Abby didn't bring it there so she had to come back another night . . . it was a big hit. Oh, and we gave $5 for each front tooth, one silver dollar for the other teeth. Apparently, the tooth fairy is more generous with some of Abby's friends. Rumor has it, some kid got $50 and someone else got a watch. What the??
Wow I am cheap. I keep a stash of 1 $ coins just for such uses. The last one , our 6 year olds first... We had a talk the night before and talked about how Mommy wanted to keep his teeth and the tooth fairy always took them away. So if it was ok lets put this tooth under Mommies pillow so we can talk to the tooth fairy and convince her to let us keep the tooth.
Made life easier and when we still forgot was much easier to send Mom upstairs to look under her pillow. Should be a good precedent I hope and less stress on us.
We did the EXACT SAME THING last night! Sissy lost her tooth and we totally forgot about it. Course, I'd like to say that it was the first time, but honestly, I can hardly EVER remember those damn teeth. Once the first one lost his, the subsequent kids just really lost out.
Now we have to run to an ATM because all we have are pesos and I know, now that we're back in the US (although JUST and all the TV stations are still Spanish) she'll want US money.
The kids have completely forgotten what US currency (coins) are called. :)
Ah yes, forgetting the tooth fairy. You know I've BTDT sooo many times, once for over a week, until the poor child put a letter under the pillow asking her to come! And I've snuck in in the morning as you did.
The worst time was when we had a brand new baby, and in my newborn fog I remembered when dh awoke early to remind him. "Don't forget the tooth fairy!" I said. Alas, I forgot that my dd was sleeping on our bedroom floor that night, and she heard me. At least she had the good sense not to ruin it for the others.
A few years ago, when one of my girls found out I was the tooth fairy, they couldn't believe that I would have enough time to fly around and collect all the teeth from the kids in town---yes, she thought that I WAS THE TOOTH FAIRY! I've forgotten, too, several times to sneak that $ under the pillow. One time, in the middle of the night, my oldest daughter came to my room, woke me up, and stated, "Mommy, you forgot to put anything under my pillow from the tooth fairy." Well, this particular time in my life, I was exhausted from having a baby in the house, maybe even two, so I told her, "Sorry. Go into my jewelry box and pick out one of those old gold dollars. Put that under your pillow and go back to sleep." Yes, I AM THE TOOTH FAIRY!
The tooth fairy in our house has NEVER made it the first night...EVER!! The storm queen's explanation is that she has to fly around with just her tiny wings carrying this big bag of teeth...and geez....SANTA has a SLEIGH with REINDEER!!!
I'm so glad I'm giving her material for all those adult therapy sessions.
The tooth fairy ne'er dares to darken our door. She knows I've got the whole dang thing covered. After years of forgetting the tooth under the pillow (how stupid is that plan, anyway? Ever heard of "out of sight, out of mind? Sheesh!), I began having the kids put out their teacups on the kitchen table! That way, I'll see it there as I'm coming and going and actually DO something about it. If I do happen to forget when a kid comes down in the morning, I shout, "OH NO! You got up way too early! Go back to bed and try again!" and then I rummage through the house for change to trade for the tooth. I used to save them, but they all turned to ashes in my jar and that seemed kinda gross, so now I usually just let the kids keep the tooth until they lose it...again. I don't pay the second time.
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