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Sunday, June 26, 2005

It's All Fun And Games, Until Someone Loses An Eye

If you don't hear from me again for a long long time, it is because I am sitting in prison. I will have murdered my neighbors who think that 10:30pm on a Sunday night a week before the Fourth of July, is the perfect time to set off noisy fireworks.

And having done that, there would have been nothing left to hold me back from going after a father I met today at a picnic for the Little League coaches and their families. He kept telling my 2 yr old, "Watch Out! Don't poke [insert someone's name] in the eye." She had no intentions of poking anyone in the eye. But he said it at least twenty more times. Clearly this man has issues.

I can't rehash the entire event and how completely aggravating this man was, unless I want my blood pressure to rise again, but somehow his needy children attached themselves to me and I couldn't get rid of them. And they were annoying, in a way that other people's children often are.

I have enough of my own children to look after, frankly, without taking care of kids that I have never even laid eyes on before, and likely never will again.

They wanted me to get them drinks, get them snacks, play with them, pat my baby on the head, talk to them

"Can I tell you a joke?"
"No, I don't like jokes."
"You'll like this one."
"Trust me, I won't."

My ears were beginning to bleed. I finally asked the little girl where her mother was, and for a brief moment I thought oh god, if she tells me her mother is dead I am going to feel so bad, because all doubt of my eternal soul going to Hell would have been erased. But she wasn't dead,
"She's in New Hampshire, on vacation."
"I can see why."

My kids had a great time. They ran around and played baseball, kicked up huge clouds of dust on the field, and in the case of two of them, rolled around in the dirt on the pitching mound. All the dust and dirt stuck to their skin, coating them with a dark tan. I was pretty close to hosing them off in the front yard rather than allowing them into my white tiled bathroom.

The culminating point of the event was when my two year old picked up a stick and threw it at the annoying man's annoying daughter. Guess where it hit her?


Blogger chel said...

Oh gees Chris isn't that "Murphy's Law" or something;-) Somehow i can see that happening.

12:20 AM  
Blogger Sleeping Mommy said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels that way about "other people's children". Of course the exception would be all my blog friend's children. I KNOW they aren't annoying. ;)

1:03 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Two things, first 4yo buried himself and 20mo sister in dirt at the last t-ball game. Literally buried. Ick! Second, you have child magnetism. This is what 11yo ds calls the fact that if I walk in a room, children who do not belong to me attatch themselves to our parade. Why? Maybe we look like more fun?

7:55 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

I attract other people's kids, too. I just pretend I don't hear/see them. They get the point.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Crystal said...

I am a magnet for kids as well. When we go to the park they flock to me. I kind of feel bad for them in a way because I don't think their parents pay much attention to them and they see you interacting with your children they want to be part of that. It doesn't make it any less annoying. I get pissed at the parents.

8:59 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Oh boy, what a day! I love that line too, from Toy Story 2. I use it all the time my guys are out of hand. I also don't like other kids around me at times. I have to really be in the mood!

Now, I will await another entry to make sure that you didn't commit some horrible crime on that neighbor! lol.....

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Lizzie said...

Yep...another one of those other people's children magnet chiming in.

Must be the week for 6 yo boy got stung in his left by a yellow jacket...eww.

I'm off to the Pediatrician's -- have a great week!

9:46 AM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

I thought "Don't poke your eye out!" was everybody's mother's line!

1:20 PM  
Blogger aka_Meritt said...

Oh no... she seriously hit the other kid in the eye after all THAT? Crap. I hope you grabbed your 2 year old and ran for the hills! (Did the other Dad catch ya?)

5:31 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

OMG, Chris, I seriously spit my coffee out all over the monitor when I read that last couple of lines!!!

7:40 AM  
Blogger Jody said...

LOL! What a night!

10:13 AM  
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12:38 AM  

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