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Monday, February 13, 2006

When Being Hot Refers To Hot Flashes

Saturday I was driving home from the dentist when I realized that I was on empty and had better get to a gas station.

I pulled into the gas station and got out of the car to pump my gas. There were a group of three guys, college age I am guessing, at the next pump over who were looking at me. I pumped my gas and as I went to get back into my car I noticed that they were turning and smiling at me. It's not everyday that I get noticed by men. I think the whole seven- kids- hanging- off- of -every- available- appendage- or- else -whining- about- something is a real turn off for men flirting with me. I don't know why, because seven kids, a mom van, and stained clothes scream, "WHAT A CATCH!" to me.

So, I began to get a little big headed, thinking to myself that even though I am 8, 10, 12, 15, 20 years older than they are (Oh dear God, I just realized that I could, in theory, be their mother. Eeeewww) I still have it going on.

I smiled back and got into my car and began to drive off. One of them waved and as I went to wave back I glanced into the outside mirror and realized that my gas tank was open and the gas cap was still sitting on my trunk.

I pulled the brake and got out of the car to close it all up, which involved chasing down the rolling away gas cap. I gave a little wave and laughed, happy that I didn't slip and fall like I typically do, because that would be embarrassing.

I got back in the car, feeling like I was all that and a bag of chips. I looked into the rear view mirror to adjust my sunglasses and noticed that I had drool coming out of my mouth and down my chin.

And then I came to the sad realization, they weren't looking at me because they thought I was hot, they were looking at me because they we were wondering what a retarded woman was doing driving a car.

A retarded woman who was old enough to be their mother.


Blogger Jennifer said...


maybe they didn't notice the drool.

10:29 AM  
Blogger novaks8 said...


Thanks! I needed that.

10:29 AM  
Anonymous nabbalicious said...

In December, I was at a hockey game. All during the game, a guy two seats down kept turning and looking at me. I was thinking, "Wow, I must still have it! Dude is checking me out!"

And then I looked down and noticed I had salsa down the front of my shirt. Quite a bit of it. It's what I get for eating nachos while kind of drunk.

But, to add to the humiliation and shame, he looked over at me several more times while I was cleaning myself up.

10:30 AM  
Blogger the dahls said...

Chris, Thank you- This from one "hotmama" to another! :)
I've been reading for a long time (and didn't even de-lurk!) But so many times you lighten my day. This belly-laugh was perfectly timed. Thank you!
-- Molly

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Claudia said...

Yes, but they were looking at you and smiling BEFORE you pumped the gas and left the gas cap off and probably even before you drooled... I'll bet they were lookin' because you were lookin' good!

12:02 PM  
Blogger JeepGirl said...

Funny - hey, I'm sure they were noticing the hot mamma driving the van.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

Oh, Chris. You really got me good - I spit my drink out at the screen!

Too, too funny, and I've got a similar story to post later.

12:36 PM  
Blogger eko said...

LOL - Awww.

I got home one day, feeling *all that* and looked in the mirror only to see I had these big white splotches on my face (cheek and near lip and even one on my glasses). I had been smiling like a fool at everyone, and hadn't noticed odd ball stares or anything - but was horrified that no one said - "excuse me but..." They must have thought I had some kind of affliction.

I had gone to the health food store and reloaded my bottle of Dr. Bonner's liquid soap (from the BIG refill bottle/pump) and it had squirted out all over my coat, and unbeknownst to me - my face. I smelled mighty pepperminty and looked it too! Gads, I have relived thinking about that day many times!

1:00 PM  
Blogger Brandy said...

Hahahaha! Sorry to laugh at your distress, but this was funny. Bet they were checking you out, though.

1:26 PM  
Blogger Darren said...

I choked on my lunch reading this!

1:59 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

Too funny! I thought they would be checking you out who would have thought!

You definitly dont look your age so you never know they might have thought you were a few years older than them!

2:04 PM  
Blogger InterstellarLass said...

See, for me it's the other way 'round. The guys that look at me are in their 50's, at least 4-6 inches shorter than me, pot-bellied and bald. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I mean, it is kind of creepy...

2:13 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

Oh, that made me laugh out loud...remind me to tell you/blog about the time I thought my dentist was asking me on a date. It's very cringe-y.

3:11 PM  
Anonymous Sleeping Mommy said...

Ah come one, they probably thought you were pretty hot too, otherwise they would have totally ignored you. Trust me. I live in a world where I am invisible to men of all ages, every day. :)

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

That is so funny. I needed a good laugh to keep me up. (I spent all last night at the hospital while a friend gave birth.)

I once walked around all day with a pair of dora underwear half hanging out of my back pocket of my pants. You would think people would be nice enough to tell you instead of just laughing all day.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

HILARIOUS!!! That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. All week, maybe.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Hahaha, laughing with you, not at you of course. ;)

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Donna said...

Haven't read your post for that long, but your funny as hell! That little story was great, and ya know I bet they really were checkin you out! LOL

7:25 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Pardon me while I pee my pants. You are too funny, girl!

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Laura said...

They just might have been interested. You never know, you know. Case in point:

I was out with a girlfriend a couple of months ago, in the place we go to a couple of times a month, and the bartender (the YOUNG bartender) was flirting. But of course, that's what bartenders do - good for tips, don't you know, so I didn't think much of it. Besides, he's about the age of my oldest child.

Buuuttt... when we were preparing to leave, he said he'd take his break then, walked with us to the parking lot, and tried to give me his phone number.

I am 44.
He was 23.

I didn't take it, of course, but see my grin! Heeheeheeheehee...

1:34 PM  

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