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Thursday, June 08, 2006

How I Plant A Tree, With Children and a Husband

  1. Tree we transplanted last year doesn't make it through the winter
  2. Decide we need a new tree
  3. Go to nursery and pick out a large tree
  4. Realize it can't fit into any vehicle we own and arrange for shipping
  5. Find out the price for having them dig and plant the tree
  6. Decide that we can dig the hole ourselves
  7. Because I am stupid frugal
  8. 36"x 30" deep doesn't sound very big at all
  9. We own shovels
  10. I have children who like to dig
  11. Arrange for tree to be delivered on Wednesday
  12. Ignore digging the hole for an entire week
  13. Realize Tuesday that hole has to be dug today
  14. Organize a digging party with children
  15. Hand out the shovels
  16. Children act like they have never seen, much less used a shovel, before
  17. Spend the time asking children to get their shovel out of the way
  18. Get their heads out of the way
  19. To stop dueling with the shovels
  20. Ask children to stop jumping in the hole
  21. Inform children that there is no treasure buried in our yard
  22. or corpses
  23. or dinosaur bones
  24. or anything worth diving into the hole in front of my shovel
  25. Get hit in face with shovel handle
  26. over
  27. and over
  28. and over again
  29. Take a break when 7yr old gets hit in the eye
  30. and scratches his cornea
  31. get out eye injury supplies
  32. Doesn't everyone have an eye injury kit?
  33. You would if you had six sons.
  34. Patch up his eye
  35. Continue digging
  36. At 26" hit a huge rock with the shovel
  37. Decide to raise the level of the yard 4"
  38. Try unsuccessfully to keep small children out of the hole
  39. Planting A Toddler
  40. Rain for next 24 hours
  41. Yard is a slippery mud pit
  42. with a mud pool in the center
  43. Crew arrive to deliver tree in the pouring rain
  44. Delivering the Tree
  45. Realize that the tree looks much much larger when not surrounded by other trees
  46. Thankful that they will plant it
  47. Three Men and a Tree
  48. Crew inform me that the hole is too deep
  49. But it isn't wide enough
  50. They drop the tree NEXT to the hole
  51. Did I mention the pouring rain?
  52. And the mud?
  53. The Tree Waiting to be Planted
  54. Stand on the porch shocked
  55. Wonder how I will get the tree into the hole
  56. Realize too late that I should have cried
  57. Told them about the surgery
  58. And the sad story of my husband's thumblessness
  59. Offered them cash, the great motivator
  60. Instead I say bad words.
  61. Wait until afternoon, hoping against hope for sunshine
  62. Resign self to plant tree in pouring rain
  63. begin the shovelling, again
  64. Am joined by helpful children
  65. Who enjoy the mud more than I want them to
  66. I feel like I am in a Tide commercial
  67. Except I am not smiling and happy about my laundry situation
  68. Husband who has his arm in a sling "helps" by giving instructions
  69. Until he can take it no longer
  70. Then he helps us lift the tree with his one good arm
  71. It was much more of an ordeal than it sounds
  72. All the twisting, lifting, turning, straightening
  73. Backfill the hole
  74. Stake the tree with the wire and stakes provided
  75. Tell children to stay away from the tree
  76. Stand back near the road to admire tree
  77. Pose for photo lest we forget the fun
  78. Victorious in the Pouring Rain

  79. Collect shovels laying around the yard
  80. Trip over the wire securing the tree
  81. Fall in the mud
  82. While laying there glance up at flowers
  83. The drought resistant flowers
  84. the heat tolerant flowers
  85. that could withstand the unrelenting summer sun
  86. and me never remembering to water them
  87. the flowers are now drowning and cold


Blogger aka_Meritt said...

I'm missing the whole point of your post (or at least you will THINK I am) when I say; I wanted to buy tree's about that large for our yard (instant gratification instead of waiting 4 years for them to grow). How much are tree's that height?????


9:25 AM  
Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

What you need is 'Extreme Makeover" shirts for all the kids, and your husband can be Ty with the bullhorn yelling "let's get going people!" and then video it all and get rich.

Only I don't think I could laugh any harder than I already have. I'm laughing WITH you, of course...

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

I just finished wiping the spewed tea off of my keyboard. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the belly laugh!

10:05 AM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

I just landscaped my in-laws garden as a surprise for them while they were out of town. They had talked about wanting a raised be garden, so I lowered their entire garden by 4 inches and then used the dirt to make the raised garden beds. Lest you think this was a little flower garden, allow me to enlighten you, it's a food storage garden, so it's HUGE (about a quarter acre). I feel your pain, literally, in every.single.muscle. I'm just glad I made my husband watch the kids at our house so that at least I had peace of mind while I had strain of body!

10:11 AM  
Blogger Party Girl said...

ah, life's little pleasures. Right?

Great post. Found you by way of Bre.

10:18 AM  
Blogger nenners27 said...

and to think, i want to get RID of that exact same tree in my yard (i HATE brown trees... i want a GREEN one. that FLOWERS in the spring!). hmmm... maybe i should think twice about digging that one up.

10:50 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

It's not brown. It's red.
It's a flowering cherry tree or something like that.

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Carola said...

So funny!! and loved the final picture, everyone looks so proud...and wet.

11:34 AM  
Anonymous Melissa L said...

You are too funny. Just what I needed today when my 2 year old has turned into the most obnoxious child ever to be born. I needed that laugh and to know that others suffer though the same stuff too.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Diane said...

It really *is* a pretty tree. I loved the picture of the "planted" toddler - you are surely growing wonderful children with all the memories you are (planned or not!) creating with them.

12:12 PM  
Blogger DollyMama said...

I guess I am one son shy of needing that eye injury kit. Please do tell, what is in it??

1:50 PM  
Blogger Diana said...

The tree is beautiful, but the story that goes with it is something you can enjoy for years.
Great post, I was tired just reading it. (Though what a**holes they are for just throwing it next to the hole!)

2:51 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Note to self: be patient and plant little trees...

Love the picture of Miles in the hole. hehe

2:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Been busy since I was gone! Tree planting, writing, surgery....
How'd the sugery go? Loved your tree planting post! Ha! And I gotta check out your writing at that large family site. Cool!

4:39 PM  
Anonymous Darren said...

Looks great!

And the flowers aren't the only ones.

5:06 PM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

I love the tree! BEAUTIFUL!

Perhaps you could have buried a couple kids while you were out there? Or perhaps buried them up to their heads, then you'd get a break but they wouldn't actually be injured.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Mary-LUE said...

Funny, funny, funny!

10:28 PM  
Blogger Randi said...

I know that feeling! We're re-doing our bank (I use this term loosely) and I know how that feels! Beautiful tree though!

10:41 AM  
Blogger Jen3 @ Amazing Trips said...

I didn't have time to read this entry last night ... I only had a moment and was sidetracked with your stoned signs. (Could you add a doobie in to your scheme?? Or even if you said "Dude. Stealing Stones is Illegal. And, if you steal my stones, you'll get stoned. And not the GOOD kind." Actually, that might not be too appropriate w/ kids at home. But, hilarious, nonetheless.)

Where would you be w/o a blog and loads of people around the world who can commiserate with you? Really, I truly believe that blogging allows us to see the humor in a life that otherwise, would make us want to lay down, if just for a moment, in the "hole that was specifically dug for this tree, and yet is the wrong size, but might work as a grave. Temporarily."

Good Lord. Every SINGLE day, as I'm in the midst of pure chaos - I can't help but think ... THIS will make a good blog posting. What's really nuts is when you have more *material* than you have the time - or energy - to write about.

BTW - it looks like a lovely tree. Hopefully the hole is the right size and the tree doesn't die on you. Don't forget to fertilize!

1:54 AM  
Blogger nenners27 said...

well, ok - i'll concede it's not *brown*, it is *red*.. it looks like the red maple we have in our front yard.

but i still say i want mine gone :D

11:57 AM  
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