How I Plant A Tree, With Children and a Husband

1. Tree we transplanted last year doesn't make it through the winter
2. Decide we need a new tree
3. Go to nursery and pick out a large tree
4. Realize it can't fit into any vehicle we own and arrange for shipping
5. Find out the price for having them dig and plant the tree
6. Decide that we can dig the hole ourselves
7. Because I am stupid frugal
8. 36"x 30" deep doesn't sound very big at all
9. We own shovels
10. I have children who like to dig
11. Arrange for tree to be delivered on Wednesday
12. Ignore digging the hole for an entire week
13. Realize Tuesday that hole has to be dug today
14. Organize a digging party with children
15. Hand out the shovels
16. Children act like they have never seen, much less used a shovel, before
17. Spend the time asking children to get their shovel out of the way
18. Get their heads out of the way
19. To stop dueling with the shovels
    
20. Ask children to stop jumping in the hole
21. Inform children that there is no treasure buried in our yard
22. or corpses
23. or dinosaur bones
24. or anything worth diving into the hole in front of my shovel
25. Get hit in face with shovel handle
26. over
27. and over
28. and over again
29. Take a break when 7yr old gets hit in the eye
30. and scratches his cornea
31. get out eye injury supplies
32. Doesn't everyone have an eye injury kit?
33. You would if you had six sons.
34. Patch up his eye
35. Continue digging
36. At 26" hit a huge rock with the shovel
37. Decide to raise the level of the yard 4"
38. Try unsuccessfully to keep small children out of the hole
39. 
40. Rain for next 24 hours
41. Yard is a slippery mud pit
42. with a mud pool in the center
43. Crew arrive to deliver tree in the pouring rain
44. 
45. Realize that the tree looks much much larger when not surrounded by other trees
46. Thankful that they will plant it
47. 
48. Crew inform me that the hole is too deep
49. But it isn't wide enough
50. They drop the tree NEXT to the hole
51. Did I mention the pouring rain?
52. And the mud?
53. 
54. Stand on the porch shocked
55. Wonder how I will get the tree into the hole
56. Realize too late that I should have cried
57. Told them about the surgery
58. And the sad story of my husband's thumblessness
59. Offered them cash, the great motivator
    
60. Instead I say bad words.
61. Wait until afternoon, hoping against hope for sunshine
62. Resign self to plant tree in pouring rain
63. begin the shovelling, again
64. Am joined by helpful children
65. Who enjoy the mud more than I want them to
66. I feel like I am in a Tide commercial
67. Except I am not smiling and happy about my laundry situation
    
68. Husband who has his arm in a sling "helps" by giving instructions
69. Until he can take it no longer
70. Then he helps us lift the tree with his one good arm
71. It was much more of an ordeal than it sounds
72. All the twisting, lifting, turning, straightening
73. Backfill the hole
74. Stake the tree with the wire and stakes provided
75. Tell children to stay away from the tree
76. Stand back near the road to admire tree
77. Pose for photo lest we forget the fun
    

78. 
    
79. Collect shovels laying around the yard
80. Trip over the wire securing the tree
    
81. Fall in the mud
82. While laying there glance up at flowers
83. The drought resistant flowers
    
84. the heat tolerant flowers
85. that could withstand the unrelenting summer sun
86. and me never remembering to water them
    
87. the flowers are now drowning and cold