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Friday, February 03, 2006

For My Husband Who Is Away

on a business trip eating in top notch restaurants, sleeping in 5 star hotels, having interesting conversations with people who don't have stains on their clothing suffering endlessly because he misses me so

There are some appealing aspects to having a spouse who travels occasionally for business.


1) I can watch as much HGTV and Sex in the City reruns as my heart desires

2) I can eat as much fart-astic food as I desire without giving any consideration to another person and their olfactory system. Last night it was bean dip, yummy! Also, excuse me.

3) I can have the entire bed to myself (which is important because of #2 above)

4) I don't have to clean up the kid's toys that are strewn about the house, because it doesn't bother me in the least. Nor does the "toy clutter" hamper my ability to relax on the couch and enjoy the aforementioned fart-astic food.

5) I can watch television and play with my laptop and not have to pretend to make conversation or feign interest in the weather forecast

But then there are the drawbacks:


1) I have to go around the house and lock all of the doors and then check them all again. And I have to remember when I go out that I have locked all the doors so that I remember to bring my key with me. Or else we will be locked out and I 'll be forced to walk around the house to find an unlocked window that I can hoist one of my smaller kids through.

2) Even though I have the entire bed to myself I can't sleep and spend the night tossing and turning and the sheets feel cold.

3) The strange noises that I inevitably hear in the middle of the night, which convince my overactive imagination that someone has broken into my house and is going to murder me in my sleep. Therefore, I must sleep with the regular phone AND cell phone under my pillow. I've seen enough of those Law and order type shows to know the criminals always cut the land line, and so am prepared for this possibility.

4) Eventually I still do have to clean up the toys, because even I get tired of kicking a path.

5) How much fart-astic food can one person eat before they become offensive even to themselves?

6) I want to be the one to see Ted Danson eating out in a restaurant wearing some fake white hair on his head. Yes, my life is that uneventful that it is things like this of which I am am immensely jealous.

It might be a close toss up, but in the end, I much prefer him to be home to warm the bed, protect me from an untorrid death, and take out the trash. Even though it means fighting over sharing the covers, cleaning up the house every day, and saying "Wow, that's interesting!" when I really have no idea what he is talking about.

And really, isn't that what marriage is all about?


Blogger saucymomma said...

You hit the nail on the head. My husband travels frequently too. One night is nice sometimes, but longer than that and all of the con's you mentioned are soooo my reality. Thanks for saying what I wanted to say.

10:39 PM  
Blogger Antique Mommy said...

My husband used to travel a lot but now only travels once in a while and that suits me. He works at home so we get a lot of time to gether, so nce in a while I wish he'd take a trip so I can have control of the remote control. Love your blog BTW. I would have voted for you to win.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous HolyMama! said...

Yep, that's what marriage is about. (Fart-tastic. What a great word!)

11:08 PM  
Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

Mmmm. Bean dip.

Er, you were saying something? I've gotta go blast the comforter off the bed. Just so my wife doesn't get to feeling lonely...

11:22 PM  
Blogger TBG said...

I could not agree with you more on the 2 phones when I go to bed when the hubby is away!

I too watch way too much Law and Order!

11:32 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

When my husband started shift work, at night I would put the two phones and the pepper spray on my bedside table, and have several escape plans arranged. I also had a hockey stick by my bed as well. It would take me about an hour of checking over the house before I would go to bed and about another hour before I would drift off to sleep. It sucks.

12:37 AM  
Blogger Heth said...

Phew! I'm not the only chicken who sleeps with the phone on her pillow when her husband is away. I really, really don't want to get murdered.

Happy bean dip to you!

1:15 AM  
Blogger impromptu-mom said...

I had no idea that I was in such good company! When my husband travels, I don't sleep, wheteher it's overnight or for days. This is not great when you have a two-year-old master deconstructionist. I go through the whole checking the doors and windows, cold sheets (why is that?), planned escape route thing. I even set a noisy booby trap on the front door one year when we were newly married, which the dog then proceeded to set off and scare me so bad that I left every light in the house on for the remainer of hubby's trip. I also keep two phones under my pillow and a cordless in the baby's room, so that should I have to run and save her, and forget my other phones, I might have a chance at dialing 911 before someone kicked in the flimsy door. My mind poison of choice though is "CSI". I really shouldn't let myself watch it, lol!

6:51 AM  
Blogger Prudence said...

I completely agree! I have a traveling hubby too - you couldnt have written that list more perfect!! thanks lol

9:31 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

You just made me feel so much better about myself. I thought I was the only one who check the doors more than once, slept with the phone, and woke up with each strange nose when my husband was not home. Thank you thank you thank you!!

12:43 PM  
Blogger deputyswife said...

I like the first night that the Deputy is gone. After that, it pretty much sucks.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

You forgot to mention how exhausted all that door checking and waking up makes you. I generally sleep much better the 2nd night since I've sleep deprived myself the first night.

I still usually sleep with 2 phones, but sometimes I forget. I used to be absolutely terrified when my hubby was gone, but since he travels frequently, I joke that "I had to give that up." It wore me out.

8:14 AM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I hate it when my husband is away during the night too, but thankfully it isn't often. My big thing when he's gone is that ALL of the shades have to be closed or I am SURE there is some psycho peeking at me through the window.

11:15 AM  
Anonymous baby to sleep through the night said...

I can totally relate to what you're going through your mind.

baby to sleep through the night

4:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sex mate

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sex mate

1:10 PM  

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