How Did I End Up The Mother Of So Many Sons?

That is what I am pondering today.

They are just so... so... searching for a nice word but can't think of one... GROSS!

They delight in bodily noises, the louder the better. They love to burp and fart and love it even more if it bothers one of their siblings.

They hate showering and would happily live in their own filth if I would let them.

I had dreamed of having these wonderful sensitive pacifist sons. And while they still are wonderful, albeit in an entirely different way than I had imagined, they seemed to have been born hell bent on destroying things and obsessed with anything dirty, disgusting, or otherwise offensive.

My 8 yr old smashed his fingernail about a week ago and everyone thought it was SO cool when it turned black. Today it fell off and I actually overheard my 7yr old say "Why does nothing cool ever happen to me?"

My 8 yr old is going to save the nail. He said he is starting a collection of them. I asked him if he was planning on having his nails fall off that frequently that it would warrant the term "collection".

And then he answered me, complete with rolling his eyes to let me know I had just asked the most stupid question ever, and for a few moments I questioned everything that I hold dear in my life and wondered how this creature came out of my body.

He said he wasn't just going to collect his own nails...but other peoples too. And then I heard the collective sigh of jealous awe from his brothers.

I could really use a stiff drink right about now.