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Friday, October 28, 2005

The Best Birth Control

I am about to patent the Best Birth Control Ever®. But Chris, you ask, didn't Rob just have an operation so that you wouldn't have to think about this?

Why yes, yes he did. But we have only recently realized that it was entirely unnecessary and superfluous as we already had access to the BBCE®. We have now begun using it to it's fullest potential.

And I am excited at the prospect of sharing my new found knowledge with others, so that they may partake in the BBCE®.

It is a barrier method that has at it's core an ultra sensitive heat sensor. The heat sensor senses how close the barrier is to the two consenting adults. The BBCE® can be placed entirely on top of one of the adults, or can be placed equidistant between the two consenting adults. The choice is not yours, but rather determined by the barrier device itself. The choices occur in random order so that there will be little temptation to try and outsmart the barrier.

Should anyone try to get out of the bed, causing the temperature in the bed to dip slightly, it will cause BBCE® to immediately sound an alarm. This alarm can only be quieted by both parties resuming their positions on opposite sides of the BBCE® barrier.

If you would like the BBCE®, you should act immediately as it can take up to ten months to recieve one. Construction of a product as effective as this one can not be rushed. Each one is individually crafted specifically for you!

This photo is shown as a representation of the product. Your own BBCE® may vary slightly from the one pictured, but rest assured the slight variations in appearance will not impact it's performance.


There is no warranty or guarantee, real or implied. The BBCE® is not returnable. Results mentioned are not to be considered typical and your results may vary. Proceed at your own risk.


Anonymous Jaybird said...

Ohhhhh! I'll take two!

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Jordana said...

If those really worked so well, you wouldn't have seven of them. ;)

11:20 AM  
Blogger Darren said...

Beagles also work.

11:39 AM  
Blogger djuggler said...

My first four were somewhat ineffective. The maintenance on the BBCE is much higher than implied in the documentation. The warantee period is extremely short and returns are near impossible. The look of shock at the mere mention of returning a BBCE is enough to make a grown man cower and cry. All that said I would still encourage everyone to get a BBCE or even two or more!

11:41 AM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

Ahahahaa!! Been there, done that. Still got six kids! =)~

I so sympathize with you on this one. And to think Rob is thinking, "MAN!! I went through that for nothing!" =)

11:41 AM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

That's the only type of birth control I've ever used! Trust me--it works.

By birth control you mean trying to have as many babies as possible, oui?

11:52 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

This is the first one I have gotten with the new improved super duper heat sensor.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


They also work well for curbing that addiction you may have to enjoyable tasks like knitting or sewing, typing with two hands, or eating.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Lori Ann said...

yes, it works great, I received two in the past 3 years. My older model(13) was starting to become ineffective.

12:18 PM  
Blogger thatgirl said...

OK, I'm an idiot. I kept trying to figure out what BBCE stood for (I thought you were being extra clever) but the best I could come up with was "Baby Between Consenting ... Edults?"

12:48 PM  
Blogger SolaKirsten said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

OMGOSH! I haven't laughed that hard in... forever!

I already have five of them. Although they must be the older models as they are not equipped with the heat sensors. Hopefully I won't be upgrading anytime soon!


1:17 PM  
Blogger SolaKirsten said...

I'm sorry; we already hold the patent on your invention! Our model is called Thaddeus and he is very sensitive. Thus, not only is there birth control . . . he also prevents those annoying middle-of-the-night restroom trips, mind-deteriorating pleasure reading, weight-gaining midnight snacks, marriage-building talks, etc., etc., etc. See our model at!!

1:57 PM  
Anonymous huntington31 said...

Oh God-that made me laugh out loud-I needed that-and I love the picure of him, all snuggled up in your sheets with his mouth wide open.

2:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too funny for words.

That's all we use. ;)

3:05 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Cuteness! Mine worked like that but some how they have been upgraded to "Mommy and Daddy alone in their bedroom" sensors. I know I didn't order that feature!

3:15 PM  
Blogger Meg said...

adorable. adorable. adorable.

3:21 PM  
Blogger Annika said...

I've put in an order, but was informed that there is a wait until sometime in May. However, apparently I can't get pregnant in the interim. That is one amazing product!

3:29 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

Hilarious. We've got one, too.

3:35 PM  
Blogger Melessa said...

My fourth one functions just like that-my earlier ones didn't. She should be grateful, she might not be here if they had.

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ohmygod! AAHAHA! Best post ever. Jurgen (my dog, for those of you who may think I'm talking about a kid) actually watches sometimes. It's so weird...he just sits down and stares. Very difficult to concentrate. We have to give him a few treats and shut the door and hope he doesn't bark and claw at it. Jesus Christ. A little privacy, please??

9:40 PM  
Blogger robiewankenobie said...

that baby is a horrible birth control method. i mean really, could that child be any cuter? heck, my ovaries are churning just thinking 'bout that sweet picture. warm and cuddly ta boot? sheesh.

10:04 PM  
Blogger Urban Mama said...

I live in fear of the few times the BBCE actually fails... That's how I got pregnant with #2. ;-)

11:34 PM  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

OMG, how utterly adorable. I want another one. :-)

8:15 AM  
Blogger nabbalicious said...

Ha! Awesome. Corgis are also effective. Especially when the female corgi thinks your husband is HER boyfriend.

3:27 PM  
Blogger harvestmoon said...

Now STOP that! You're making me think that five is a nice number and I SO know that FOUR is the absolute perfect number so there. Stop I said, STOP! (that is one damn cute BBCE)

1:32 AM  
Blogger Carmen said...

HA! At some times, I have three BBCE devices in my bed at once, and STILL The Hubster wants to get it on.

7:07 AM  
Anonymous debs said...

Ew isn't that illegal?

Too damn funny. Cute heat seeking device.

Template looks great now in Mozilla :)

8:20 AM  
Blogger O_Scientist said...

In our house, we call it snuggle radar. Up there with food radar for when you want to sit down to dinner after a long day of running around...

10:33 AM  
Blogger DollyMama said...

Ah yes. I am familiar with BBCE as well. However, for people such as you and I will the size families we have, I suppose we are craftier than most to have been able to work around it as well as we apparently have.

2:06 PM  
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11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now this is funny ;)

10:34 AM  
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12:48 PM  
Blogger cafemama said...

oh, that's wonderful - and I've been using mine for months now with fantastic success! in my experience, though, they only work for a year or so.

1:06 AM  
Blogger DADministrator said...

Ours comes in a particularly effective embodiment (which I believe I'll patent as an improvement on your "prior art"), known as the "H" style.

7:19 AM  
Blogger DADministrator said...

Ours comes in a particularly effective embodiment, which I'm claiming as improvement on your "prior art"; it's known as the "H"-style. We also get the "Z"-style sometimes, which tends to collapse, and once in a while the "Pile of Logs" style, which tends to actually reduce Oxygen levels altogether in the room, making it easier to sleep.

7:21 AM  
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