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Thursday, April 27, 2006

No more pretending to like them

Yesterday I read a post about having a "favored" child, a child who, for whatever reason, you feel the most connected with. I commented on the post, perhaps at too great a length, but my love for being wordy and and using run on sentences can not be stopped sometimes.

I wrote, in part:

If I were to be honest I'd have to say that I see in him all the characteristics that I don't like in myself, and in my other son I see all the things I wish that I could be.

I love them both equally, but differently.

Some person felt the need to track me down and email me about my comment. It would take no less than visiting four different web pages to find my email address. One would think that any ire a trollish person would have would dissipate by that point. But one would be wrong.

I went to my email box and saw an email with the subject line "BREEDER!!!1!" I almost deleted it thinking it was yet another offer to satisfy my partner and enlarge my PENi$.

But I am so glad that I read it. Because how else was I to know what a horrible mother I am. And what a disservice I am doing to my children. And how people like me don't deserve to have children. I could have emailed the person back, you know if they left a legitimate email address, or ignored it... but I have issues with letting things just go. Also neither of those options are much fun.

The email said (capitalization and punctuation corrected for ease of reading by people with a modicum of intelligence), "What would your children think if they found out you liked one of them best?"

It was then that I realized I must do something. I couldn't just go on letting my children think I loved them ALL. So I decided to make some t-shirts. That way they, and the rest of the world, will know exactly where my feelings lie.

I made the t shirts all the same size so that when we are out and one of them does something to annoy me I can make them all switch shirts to suit my whim.

"Uh huh, you want to have a tantrum and roll around on the ground. Switch shirts with your brother."

And yes I realize I made 8 shirts even though I only have 7 children. That's in case I decide I don't like ANY of them on a given day. So just in time for Mother's day, I present shirts to show your children, and the world, how you really feel about them.

Shirt Number 1:

I am my mother's favorite t-shirt

Shirt Number 2:

I am my mother's  2nd favorite t-shirt

Shirt Number 3:

My mother likes him best t-shirt

Shirt Number 4:

Black sheep of the family t-shirt
Shirt Number 5:

My Mother drinks because of me t-shirt

Shirt Number 6:

UnlovedandUnwanted t-shirt

Shirt Number 7:

My mother doesn't love me t-shirt

Shirt Number 8:

or me t-shirt

And of course, a shirt for me:

BREEDER!!!1! t-shirt

I like to think that errant 1 gives the shirt a little something extra, saying I put a lot of time and thought into this.


Blogger Jennifer said...

LOL!!! Those shirts are hilarious. You are so funny, Chris!

Sorry about the mean email though. I'm sure that you could have done without.

From someone who reads your blog religiously, I might not know you as well as your kids, but it is so blatantly clear that you love each and every one of them.

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Denise said...

Hehehe, good job but I have a better idea. One shirt for each kid with 7 detachable velcro patches for each shirt - best, second, third etc... everyday you just wander around the kids pulling the best off of one kid and plopping it onto another. Second, nah not today kiddo, you're down in 7th position until you get those wet towels off of the floor...

People are nuts.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Julie said...

You are the funniest person in the planet. Well, next to Meg. :)

Anywho, I really love your blog because you always remind me that even though I'm a mother, I'm also a person, not a martyr.

Nuts to that person who called you a "breeder." I can't stand it when people make assumptions about other people based on how many children they have, whether it be one (in my case) or seven.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous kim said...


sorry, you made me laugh in a most unladylike way.

I'm sorry that a doofus tracked you down though.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Lori said...

It's great that you were able to turn the evil e-mailer's nastiness into a lovely creative project! I think the T-Shirts are a great idea. Your children are lucky to have a mother who loves them AND has a great sense of humor! My mother always said of our childhood, "I yelled a lot, but we laughed a lot too!" I only remember the laughter and she's my best friend still today. Have a great day with your "favorites".

8:56 AM  
Anonymous irreverentmama said...

I was a little shocked by that other post, because the blogger was unrepentent in admitting she "favored" (her word) one child over another, and it seemed it was evident in her actions. At least enough that her husband noticed. I was disturbed by this.

Your comment, though, was lovely. I don't think there's a parent out there (of more than one child) who doesn't find that one child "touches them" in a way the others don't. It may not always be the same child, but it may. And it certainly won't be evidenced in the way you treat them, because, as you say, you love them "equally, but differently".

There is nothing wrong with that. I'm thinking that your nasty troll either doesn't have kids, or has them and favours one and feels tremendous guilt about it. Easier to jump all over you than deal with his/her own issues.

(Such a long comment for a first-time commenter! Long-time lurker, though.)

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well I have to say, even though I don't know you, I love reading your blog. It lets me feel that I'm not alone on this journey they call motherhood, even though I only I have one child, so far.

Its crazy how people think they can make an accurate judgement about a person just by reading one comment that was left on a blog. Holy crap what would that person think of me if they read my blog. Mostly filled with all my complaints and whining about my child and being a mother. they would label me "worst mother ever"

I love my child, but I use my blog to get out my frustrations rather than take them out on my child or my husband, which I think is healthy.

Anyway...of to my point....I ramble alot.....
My personal opinon I formed from not actually knowing anything about you except from what I read, I think you must be one of the most loving giving people out there, to have seven children! I'm still hesitant about having two...I couldn't imagine anymore than that. To have seven sipmly my eyes...that you have some much love to give, you couldn't give it away to just one or two people, you had to keep having more, so you could get it all out.

Anyway so there it is, my thoughts on things, I hope they don't come out to cheesy sounding......

meanwhile...I'd think I'd like to put in an order for the "my mother drinks because of me" shirt. Its just to funny.....

Thanks for keeping me smiling

9:10 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

That last one cracked my sh!t up, Chris. Thanks - I needed that.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Huffs said...

The funny thing is that it would only take a moment to read a few of your blog posts--and see just how much you love all of your children.

9:38 AM  
Blogger speckledpup said...

thanks for my first laugh of the morning.
we have this thing in our family. I always tell each child they are the favorite.
Then if one of them especially does something for me I scream "that's why you're my favorite".
I received the looks and the advice from the old bitties...they can just BITE ME.
I heard Son2 explaining to his girlfriend how we could all be my favorite. How they all represent different times in my life when I had them, how I've grown with them, how I see my parents and myself in them...etc.
And whispered outside the living room where Son2 and the girlfriend couldn't hear me...I said, and that, my friends, is why HE's my favorite.

I am SO stealing your shirt idea. At my house they REALLY are getting shirts for mothers day.

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Colleen said...

Those shirts are awesome and I ony have two kids.

I haven't read the post that got this person's panties all knotted up, but I can speak from my personal experience that there are flat out times when I get along with my son better than my daughter and she's not even 3 (God help me). I'm also realistic enough to know that when he's 16, there's a good chance we'll get along better than when she's 16. She's already figured out how to push my buttons, while he's always been sweet. The thing is, I wouldn't trade her for any other kid on the planet and I love her so much it makes me hurt. They are two completely different people and they deserve to be treated as such. As you said, they are both loved equally in intensity, but very differently.

So there you go, I went a wrote a blog within your blog. Now, where can I get that Mommy Drinks Because of Me shirt?

9:50 AM  
Anonymous tammie said...

Heh! Tuche!

It's like any parent, they love ALL their kids, but love each one differently. Nothing wrong with that. I do think you should do the shirts though!! ;)

9:55 AM  
Blogger truth said...

LOL, now that's how to set them straight!

9:58 AM  
Blogger KK said...

I enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for all the laughs.

Personally, I tell my kids that none of them are my favorites, that their dad, my DH is my favorite. That is usually good for a round of screaming protests. ;) But I think I might need some of those t-shirts.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Woman with kids said...

Can I order them all? I only have two, but really, some variety is a simple way to make up for being unloved.

And, I have to agree. I love my sons both very much, but differently. Could stem from the fact that they are two different people...

10:05 AM  
Blogger Cheerio's on my butt? said...

Man! You got a talent for turning hurtful things into something hilarious! You are such an inspiration to me. I am learning to take peace in myself and turn everything else into humor! My tummy hurts from laughing soo hard! Anyone who writes the way you do about your kids would have to be a fool to think you didn't love them! People that give the most advice on what you are doing are people who have never done it!
I saw this saying the other day and I can't remember where it was at or who said it but it said,"I treat my children equally, just not on the same day." That helped me for whenever I hear "That's not fair!". Anyways, please visit my post for the "large family comebacks" contest! I know quite a few of us are dying to hear your comebacks! This post would be a great one! love ya,

"breeder #2"

10:20 AM  
Blogger T. said...

LOL! Those shirts make me wish I had four more kids. Good on you for pointing out the ridiculous while making us laugh.

10:50 AM  
Anonymous Paige said...

So, I think I need to order some of those shirts. And one more just for a certain someone today that says, "The Doctor says I'm not bi-polar, I'm just 2."

10:55 AM  
Blogger april said...

I would like a T-shirt for my kids that says "I'm Constantly irritating my mother."

People do have strange ways of venting there ignorances of others. Hopefully, the "breeder" comment will help that person see what an incredible mother you are and how many people delight from reading about your life by all the comments you have received. It's very strange when people don't understand that there are many people in this world that LOVE to have a big family and see all the benefits of it.
It's also strange that a Mother wouldn't realize that she loves her children differently...unless she cloned the same child.

11:07 AM  
Blogger Dreaming Mommy said...

Sometimes I wish people with negative comments would just keep their thoughts to themselves, but then we wouldn't be able to come up with great comebacks like your shirts. I love them - I would defintely buy 4, or maybe more the children that I have yet to "favor" b/c too many people keep commenting to me that big families are not the norm and 4 is plenty. Continue what you do - it makes me laugh and thankful to be a mother everyday. From what I read you are so good at what you do!

11:14 AM  
Blogger Paisley said...

WOW! People are amazing. I can't believe the effort some people go through to be nasty to perfect strangers.

You're awesome. Don't fret.

The shirts are a riot!!!

11:17 AM  
Blogger Homestead said...

I'm sorry you had to tackle a troll today (the visual image on that has me giggling....) but the REAL me is thrilled because this fantastic post came outta the deal.

I want a t-shirt for my son that says, "If I tell my mommy she's beautiful she gives me a cookie." That would stir up everyone from the self-esteemers to the obesity experts.

11:25 AM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

I think you love your blogging buddies the best. Admit it, Chris.

Love the t-shirt, hate the troll.

11:31 AM  
Anonymous Jamie said...

I'm sorry that someone felt compelled to track you down and accuse you of such craziness. We're all so gullible...I thought you really loved your kids! ;) And speaking of "favorites," I heart the drinking t-shirt.

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Jaybird said...

I'll take 3! I especially enjoy the "My mom drinks because of me!" one.


11:41 AM  
Blogger Darren said...

You are too flipping funny, Chris! And the sarcasm! I love it!

I still plan on presenting you with a shirt when and if we ever meet that says, "I judged you first."

11:49 AM  
Blogger InterstellarLass said...

Can I get two of the drinking shirts please?

Trolls are crappy. And if they can't spell, well, they should just die.

12:08 PM  
Blogger txmommy said...

I am the oldest of 8 kids and we all fight over who is dad's favorite, and we all think it's us. How wonderful to grow up feeling "favored". I hope my kids do feel the same way.

keep up the good work!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

People keep saying the troll could merely read one or two of your blog posts to figure out how wrong he/she was. I say, did the troll even read your comment on Suburban Bliss? Because nothing in your comment stated that you "favored" one child. MORON.

I love those drinking shirts. I really might have to order two of those.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Momto5munchkins said...

I actually saw a toddler at Sam's wearing a shirt that said, "My purpose in life is to annoy my parents." Yeah, I was shocked.

I too have had my round with the childfree set and I'm just dumbstruck at that I'm better than you mentality. Love your post!

12:22 PM  
Blogger Jody said...

LOLOL!! You ar freaking brilliant!

Can I have one of every shirt?

12:25 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I have not laughed this hard in a long time! This is a great way to play each kid against each other! I am glad someone out there can admit that your likes and dislikes can be all over the place even concerning your kids. (My daughter 6years and I but heads so much and she loves to tell me I don't love her, my son 3 is not old enough to fight and talk back so it seems much easier with him.) BUT..I LOVE THEM BOTH AND COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT THEM!!!!

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Michelle said...

Just what I needed to perk me up...the kids managed to trash the house, yet again, after I spent hours cleaning it. Placing an order for some shirts....maybe we could do hats in the winter-LOL
What a jerk, insert stronger less-suitable word instead, but kudos for a little inspiration.

12:37 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

You are hysterically funny. I love your blog and I am sure that from the sheer number of comments, that others do to. Keep up the good work.

And from one breeder, I have 4, to another, keep loving them the way you do. I agree, I have no favorite. I love them all the same but in different ways because guess what??? They are all different people...Hmmm...what a concept? lol...

12:52 PM  
Blogger Clementine said...

I'm loving the shirts. Way to go!

1:05 PM  
Blogger blackbird said...

You'll probably be getting a bulk-order discount when you have them printed right?
Because, I was thinking...
I need three for my kids

1. Always sick.

2. I'm what your 'spirited child' will grow up to be.

3. Inscrutable.

If you could put an order in for me, I'd really appreciate it.

1:21 PM  
Blogger joy madison said...

ah! again my family mantra rings true! "people are crazy" Who understands people who have that kind of time on their hands. They obviously don't have children, or at least children that are loved:)

1:33 PM  
Blogger Mel said...


1:42 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

Iced tea through the nose REALLY hurts.

I love them. Hilarious.

I need one that says, "Mama loves me best because I can't talk yet."

1:48 PM  
Anonymous nabbalicious said...

Those shirts are brilliant! I love it. Sorry you got that shitty e-mail, too, but you handled it perfectly.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous Claudia said...

My mom was always careful not to have a favorite amongst the four of us because when she was young her dad and mom both had obvious favorites and she wasn't the one that either picked. But one day when we were grown she meant to say, "I never had a favorite." and instead said "I never let you know who my favorite was." She tried to retract the statement but we're still wondering which of us the favorite was...!

1:51 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

Oh the trolls. Seems they are everywhere these days. Isn't there something in the "mom handbook" that says you have to love them. Never saw like in there. And most people do have more in common with one kid. Doen't make you a bad parent. Those shirts might though. ;)

I adore the shirts by the way.

1:54 PM  
Anonymous Steph said...

What a JERK! How can people be so insensitive?

2:12 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Love the shirts! Four kids here, and one often says what is on one of the shirts. ;)

FWIW, my teenagers thought they were pretty funny and wanted to pick ones for themselves.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Hay Lady said...

OMG, you crack me up every time. Those shirts are great....and the previous comment about the velcro? Freaking brilliant!!

So sorry the troll had to track you down. Some people have WAY toomuch time on thier hands. Obviously a non-breeder, right?

2:25 PM  
Blogger Carrien said...

OKAY, how any one could have gotten from your comment that you have clear favorites is beyond me as it is simply a candid observation of how things sometimes are, not a value scale.

For those who really want a mommy drinks because of me shirt. has mommy drinks because I cry, and daddy also, in sizes for babies and up. I always want to get one but haven't yet. Warning, some of their shirts will offend you, maybe all of them will.

2:40 PM  
Blogger rose said...

Three comments:
1) I think I love you...
2) Aren't you a breeder even if you have just one child?
3) If you have more than one child, it seems logical that the "favorite" status would change on a day to day basis. Some days you feel closer to one than the others...

3:03 PM  
Blogger Shelly said...

I love the t-shirts. I have 4 boys and son #3 wants me to call him my favorite. I have had to come up with some clever things to let him know he is a favorite because of x, y and z. I also point out to him why his brothers are my favorite as well. My parents played favorites while we were growing up and because of that, some of my siblings will not talk to others. So very sad indeed.

I love to read each do a great job raising 7 children... 6 boys...I shudder~


3:20 PM  
Blogger 4 girls and 3 boys said...

I saw you comment and there was nothing about it to cause what that awful person said and if she bothered to read your blog she would know that herself. She got your email tho by clicking on your name on the comments box where you commented. It comes straight up on your profile.

Love the T shirts

3:32 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...



3:52 PM  
Blogger momofalltrades said...

Bet your troll doesn't bother commenting here where we can all drag her/him/it out by the hair and publicly humiliate them. ;O)

Hope the love of your fans makes up for the stupid-freakshow-esque comments from the nutjob.

4:10 PM  
Anonymous LammyAnn said...

OH. My. Gosh.

Totally spewed my coke when I got down to the shirts.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Bloody Brilliant.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

This is too funny! I love the shirts & need to get some!LOL

I think what you said about your kids hit it right on the nail.

To be a good Mom you have to know each kid's good & bad points, they are each so different from each other.

4:16 PM  
Blogger Gwen said...

My family has seven kids (actually in the same birth order as your children) and we could really have benefitted from these t-shirts.

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Onetallmomma said...

Laughter and love always trump ignorance and intolerance.

I noticed that you posted at 1:55am...OMG, you must be dragging this afternoon. I wish you a good nights sleep!

4:24 PM  
Anonymous Y said...

OMG. U R teh BREEDER!1!!!11 Those shirts made me laugh so hard I farted!

I get an email from time to time from a guy who calls me teh MUTILATOR!!11! because I had my boys circumsized. He likes to send me pictures of his uncut penis to show me how pretty foreskin is.

Isn't the internet AWESOME?

You are a genius!

4:31 PM  
Blogger Peggy said...

my daughters are grown now but when they were young I would ask me if they were my favorite and I would always say yes. They each signed their cards to me your #1 favorite daughter. When they got old enough they realized I had told them all they were my favorite and now I still get the cards signed that way but in the order of their birth. #1 #2 #3 favorite daughter LOL They got me back.

4:45 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

I can't believe some people.

Chris, you are everything I hope to be as a mother someday. My gosh, your kids are so blessed to have you. They are going to grow up having so much appreciation for each other and for such wonderful parents.

Once again, you have managed to find something funny out of an undesirable situation. Thank you for the oppurtunity of giving all of us a peek into your life. You are truly fabulous!

5:38 PM  
Blogger Nicki said...

On top of being a terrible mother, you are now also responsible for the replacement of upteen keyboards and monitors across the nation. That is the funniest thing I have seen! I can't wait to make my own. :-P

5:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder if I could use that in my classroom ....... hmmmmmm

I can just see a little sign attached to the seat, "I won't bring a pencil to class"

" I don't like puzzles"

"he smells bad"

"I forgot to bring my lunch"

"can you pass this note to her?"

6:03 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

You are awesome.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Fidget said...

it never ceases to amaze me about how dogged some trolls are. I think the shirts would sell well because though we all love our children there are just some days when one or the other ISNT our favorite thereby one of the other ones MUST be a favorite

7:10 PM  
Blogger B.E.C.K. said...

I do love the shirts and I love Chris, but has anyone thought that the angry commenter's email might be indicative of some personal pain that person has? (And no, it certainly wasn't me.) I find that people who get upset about something someone else has posted usually have a personal issue with that topic. Like maybe Chris' comment hit a nerve with this person because he/she was raised by parents who did play favorites, with terrible lasting effects. This doesn't excuse the angry commenter's email, but it might explain the sad reason behind it.

7:36 PM  
Anonymous wendy said...

Oh my goodness! I haven't laughed this hard in AGES!!! Those shirts are THE best! ;-)

8:32 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I think this beautiful piece by Erma Bombeck needs to be here. Chris you are wonderful!!!

Every mother has a favorite child.
She cannot help it. She is only human.
I have mine.
That child for whom I felt a special closeness. The one I reach out to in a rare moment, to share a love that no one else could possibly understand.
My favorite child is the one who was too sick to eat the ice cream at his birthday party, had measles at Christmas and wore leg braces to bed because he toed in.
She was the fever the middle of the night, the asthma attack, the child in my arms at the emergency ward.
My favorite child spent Christmas alone away from the family, was stranded after the game with a gas tank on E, lost the money for his class ring.
My favorite child is the one who screwed up the piano recital, misspelled committee in a spelling bee, ran the wrong way with the football and had his bike stolen because he was careless.
My favorite child is the one who fell asleep over an assignment on China that the teacher never bothered to grade, flunked her drivers license test five times and told us she could hardly wait to get out of the house.
My favorite child is the one I punished for lying, grounded for insensitivity to other people’s feelings and informed he was a royal pain to the entire family.
My favorite child slammed doors in frustration, cried when she didn’t think I saw her, withdrew and said she could not talk to me.
My favorite child always needed a haircut, had hair that wouldn’t curl, had no date for Saturday night and a car that cost $1000 to fix.
My favorite child said dumb things for which there were no excuses. He was selfish, immature, bad tempered and self-centered. He was vulnerable, lonely, unsure of what he was doing in this world . . . and quite wonderful.
The one I loved the most is the one whom I have watched struggle and-because the struggle was his-done nothing.
All mothers have their favorite child. It is always the same one, the one who needs you at the moment for whatever reason-to cling to, to shout at, to hurt, to hug, to flatter, to reverse charges to, to unload on, to use-but mostly to be there. Erma Bombeck

8:51 PM  
Anonymous Leslie said...

From a fellow breeder, I definately have my favorites. And like your t-shirts, they can change. The one that is always at the bottom of the totem pole is my son that is just like me...and he is a PITA!

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh! I will take all seven of the shirts, even though I only have three children. They are all wonderful!!!1!

Another PROUD breeder ;)

10:37 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

I'm sorry about the mean email. And yet, had you not received it, this classic post would never have been born. Glass half full, that's what I say. ;)

12:03 AM  
Blogger deputyswife said...

To whom do I write the check for my t-shirts?

Personally, I cannot believe the lengths people go to bitch a person out about a post or comment. I received a few and I always try to respond in kind. "Your opinion doesn't f***in matter to me."

Sorry for the blatant use of profanity, but I feel that is all some of these idiots can comprehend. Bravo for your response.

12:06 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Another breeder and expecting my 7th I think I'll place my order now too. I love your post! Thanks for the giggles.

12:20 AM  
Blogger Kim/Thomas said...

LMAO with ice cream almost coming out of my nose!!

Damnit why can't we all be as funny as you??!

I love your blog, because of such a wonderful mother you are, I would love to live in your house, or be your kid, or sister or whatever!

I laugh more often and cry more often on this site than any other!!

And to the person, who wrote the email, YOU SUCK and GET A LIFE!!!!! BOOOOOO YOUUUUUU!

12:22 AM  
Blogger sarah said...

Great post. I'm cracking up while imagining you making them switch shirts in the middle of a tantrum!
And just a note for all you commenters coveting her shirts and asking where to get one...Did you notice that if you click on the image of the shirt you can order one?! Really! You'll link to
and you can check out all of her shirts.
I only have one child now, but I just might get her a "mother's favorite" shirt anyway.

2:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like to tell the baby she is my favourite baby, my son he is my favourite boy and my oldest that she is my favourite girl. My dad always told my sister and me "You're one of my two favourite daughters" LOL! The truth is, at any given moment, I may find myself "favouring" one child over the others, depending on how we are getting on together and what the circumstances are. No, I don't treat that child as my favoured child, but I acknowledge my feelings (to myself, not my children) for what they are, knowing that I love all three more than life itself and could NEVER EVER choose among them (I'd rather die first). It's just that certain ages are easier than others, personalities are more compatible in some circumstances and less in others, etc. Children are little people. But they are PEOPLE. And as such, have as differing personalities as we adults do. So why should we expect that we will always like (not love) them each the same as the other?

T in HD

3:05 AM  
Blogger Dy said...

:-) DH wanted to have shirts made while I was pregnant, a take on the "I'm with stupid" shirts - They had the wording, and then mine had a short arrow pointing down, and his had a longer one that hit the beltline. We couldn't talk anyone into making them for shower gifts! *pfft* Some people have no sense of humor.

Anyhow, I really need shirt #5 - for myself. Priceless.


3:25 AM  
Anonymous Maddy said...

My youngest son is over weight and people can be very nasty about it. He has mild autism and sometimes over eats without realizing he has done it, these comments hurt us as much as they do him. While my husband and I were out shopping we saw a t-shirt that said ..........
"fat kids are harder to kidnap" my husband wanted it so badly just to shut the trolls up.

5:32 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...


And I am appalled that someone did that. I really am.

Can you imagine being that person's neighbor? Going to great lengths to track you down and e-mailing you with her (bad) opinion - can you imagine what she does to ones closest to her?

I love all the shirts, but I'm especially loving the Breeder!!!1! one. I think I need that one.

6:54 AM  
Blogger Sig said...

I will be getting those shirts for my 6 (soon to be 7). I am so tired of the comments, maybe this will shut them up!!!
Love your blog!

7:06 AM  
Blogger kristal said...

That was a perfect post for me to wake up to! We have seven at home and I love them all, but sometimes... Well, I *wish* they all wore the same size so I could switch them on a whim.

It is a running joke in our house that whoever is doing well at the moment is the 'second favorite'. We never clue anyone in on who the favorite is [there isn't one] but our kids are always looking for that 'Hey, you are my second favorite' compliment.

We were at a track meet last night and one of the girls was running back and forth to buy an endless number of gatorades and my husband called after her "Good job! You are my second favorite!" She was beaming but we got a lot of nasty looks from the people around us.

Have a great day.

9:28 AM  
Blogger HG said...

Ha! I'm one of three and have three myself. We always teased my mom that our baby brother was her favorite, which she denied. When my second was born, I called her up and said something along the lines of "I have two now and I totally know you lied about having a favorite." She burst out laughing and shared my comment with my grandmother and my aunt who were there at the time. I think its inevitable to have a "favorite" - for me, it's the baby at any given time. I adore the babies. But does that mean I love my kids unequally? Heck no.

Loved the shirts.

9:36 AM  
Blogger cmhl said...

breeder.. ha!!! how about "I breed so I have a captive audience"

10:08 AM  
Anonymous mom8k said...

as a mother of 8, I also use the "favorite" card(shirt) when they are whining about one of the other kids: "well, you know he/she IS my favorite!"

10:15 AM  
Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

I need the BREEDER one.

Only with a big red circle around it with a slash through it. Cuz I'm more than a little infertile, and I think it would start some great conversations.

"Do you hate breeders?"

"No, I'm just not one."

"But you have three kids."


"I see. Which one do you like the most?"

Also, you get MUCH more entertaining e-mail than I do. All I get is penis enlargment stuff, and one to give me bigger boobs (I'm a big enough boob, no thanks)

10:22 AM  
Blogger kimzyn said...

Thank you ,thank you! My mother's day will now be complete. They will serve me breakfast in bed wearing those shirts.

11:07 AM  
Blogger Katie said...

Love the shirts!

11:46 AM  
Blogger DollyMama said...

Very good, BREEDER!!!1! Way to go!

Now we need some that say things like, "I hate my mother" "I hate my father" "I am misunderstood"

12:35 PM  
Blogger LadySeduction said...

I tell them they are my favorite _______(insert their name here). My 5 yr old went thru a phase of saying about everything she liked, that it was her "favorite color". So now in our family when someone does something we love, we tell them "you are my favorite color."

1:18 PM  
Blogger Heth said...

This was great Chris. I really liked your comment over at Suburban Bliss. So true.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Suburban Turmoil said...

Oh my gosh. You've outdone yourself. This was one awesome post!

9:52 PM  
Blogger Libragirl said...

I so want a shirt that says I am my mothers favorite. My sister and brother need not know, although they do. I am the favorite, but not really. That is hysterical.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Anitsirhc said...

Ha! I love the shirts. I felt compelled to post to your blog this time. I have never posted to you before....yet your blog is bookmarked on my computer.
In fact, your blog is the *only* blog that i read religiously because it is so well written and incredibly insightful....and realistic.
Screw the idiot that emailed you. You rock.

~a fellow mom.

10:25 PM  
Blogger ABC Momma said...

Hi, I got to your blog through Total Mom Haircut, and this post floored me! Those shirts are great--I'd like to order 3.

11:44 PM  
Anonymous Maddy said...

By the looks of things this person has done you a favor and now you can start a booming home business producing kids t-shirs. Way to go. Oh and I think that:
"I'm the middle child and I have *issues*." needs a run too.

This is my second post 'cos I just had to read what everyone else had to say about such a troll.

11:13 PM  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

Those are perfect. I only have the two kids, but it's pretty clear that I feel the same way you do (well at the beginning of you post). We love them for different reasons - because they are different people! I totally get what you were trying to say. GREAT POST and GREAT SHIRTS! :)

6:01 AM  
Blogger My float said...

Oh my, I laughed so hard. But only because I have the securiy of having shirt number 1: I am my mother's favourite. Except when she shouts at me which happens quite often.

Shame about that crazy email.

Anyway, I'm here from Suburban Turmoil. Congratulations on your perfect post award!

8:56 AM  
Anonymous deana said...

Wow....that was good! You put alot of time into that post and it was hilarious!!!

Congrats on your award for this month! You deserved it!!!

9:57 AM  
Blogger liz said...

Lucinda sent me.

I am so impressed!

10:18 AM  
Blogger Serra said...

You forgot one that says, "Birth Control Error"

Lucinda sent me :)

10:34 AM  
Blogger MommaK said...

Are you taking orders?? Seriously, this could be a gold mine!

What a wonderful way to deal with Ms. Nasty. I've had a few rounds with a troll myself (not able to just ignore either) and I know how much a simple-minded comment or email can creep and stick under your skin. Congrats to you for getting the last laugh and for the Perfect Post Award.

Three cheers for you!

10:46 AM  
Blogger Natsthename said...

Oh my GOD, that's THE BEST!

My mom would have given me the "My mom had 5 more after me to get it right" shirt. ;)

Congrats on a perfect post!

10:53 AM  
Blogger Mom101 said...

a perfect post indeed worthy of 100 comments and hopefully more to come.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

What nerve. I can't believe how some people can react to a statement. That being said, I am so sorry you had to deal with that e-mail. Sounds a bit to me like she has a giant chip on her shoulder.

I was glad to see this post. I love both of my children equally, but sometimes it is a lot easier to like one more than the other. Today though, I need two shirts that say "Free to a good home."

3:13 PM  
Blogger nextcommercial said...

That is too funny. I am not sorry that you have a cyber stalker. It makes things more interesting. How fun! I wish I was popular! I don't have anybody to harras me.

3:57 PM  
Blogger nextcommercial said...


Seriously, I think all of us see things in our kids something we dislike about ourselves. Just as we see something in our kids that we admire. You just had right words to express it.

3:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about "I'm the reason she stopped having more kids."

Too Rich

8:45 PM  
Anonymous JGS said...

It's funny how some of us are comfortable enough with ourselves to already know that we love our children differently. I have twins and I have a different connection with each of them. One came naturally, almost immediately, the other I had to work at a little bit more. I love them both immensely, but it is different. And it should be because they are different. I think they call what that person did...projection. Sorry you had to deal with it.

9:12 PM  
Blogger tracey said...

I want to make a few up for my daughters...
"Kind and gentle first born"
"Second child = Hell on wheels"
Loved that post!

1:58 PM  
Blogger Josie said...

Hilarious t-shirts!

1:19 AM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

Oh My Holy Breeding Weak Bladder you have me about peeing my pants.

I only have 3 kids, but they can all have one of those shirts and then I have less laundry.


I bow to you, queen of all comebacks!

3:55 AM  
Blogger Tori said...

This is absolutely hilarious!
I want some shirts too!
If only we could letter bomb the email lady...
I have come across so many of them in my blog!
Congrats on winning the post! Well deserved...

8:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A rule needs to be created for blog replies. If you wouldn't say it to the person's face it shouldn't be posted. I am appalled by the nerve of some people. Stop being bitter and mean!

2:50 PM  
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1:12 AM  
Blogger TL said...

I think the person who sent you that e-mail had the shirt that said "or me" and they are just bitter because their non-spelling ass has them unloved by their parents.

I love your shirts, can we start a line for husbands too. Like one that states "Acting like an ass today."

3:51 PM  
Blogger Gurukarm Kaur said...

Here's my unsolicited opinion: any mother who says she loves her children equally/exactly the same (no matter how many of them there are) is unnatural. :-) A Stepford mom, donchaknow?

I have a 35-year-old son who was given up for adoption at birth; we found each other about 4 1/2 years ago now. I love him dearly both as a wonderful grown young man (who had a whole life before me) and for what he represents as a completion in my life.

Then I have an 18 year old daughter who loves to tell me she's the "special-est" because she's the only girl :-) And it's true, she is.

And last but very much not least is my 12 year old son who is just the absolute best. He's the favorite most days too.

They're all my favorites! Just at different times. Same for you?

PS - I got here from a link on Mom-101's blog.

11:04 AM  
Blogger SUEB0B said...

Here's the part of this post that stunned me the most: the phrase "even though I only have seven kids."

10:08 PM  
Blogger R said...

"If I were to be honest I'd have to say that I see in him all the characteristics that I don't like in myself" I read this earlier today and it pierced my heart like an arrow. I had to come back and re-read that post because it rang so familiar with me. I've recently stumbled upon your blog and I'm hooked. Your writing captivates me!

9:27 PM  
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